I AM BACK.
I see tons of cobwebs, lizard droppings and dust in here. The air smells musty, its certainly time to open the windows and open up.
I'm here again cos so many things have happened recently and it'll be a good idea for me to be able to pen it down, digest it and see my life in better perspective. Perhaps I wont be so influenced by my own mindset after all..
For one I have been relatively busy. Work's getting challenging (not that it's a bad thing) and as you get older there are certain things you want to achieve- a stable career, maturity in thought and behavior, experiencing love, and growth in skill sets.
Yes, I am a typical adult who would like to experience all these. Not that these are on the top of my list right now, but certainly goals in my life somewhere, somehow. As I grow older I increasingly see the need to contribute to the family (support Mom and ensure that Leon grows up well) and to society ( in the work I produce, and in blessing the lives of others) and my self development (taking up new challenges, pursuing self development in terms of education and spiritual awareness)
Sounds like a mouthful eh? For one, I have decided to postpone my audio engineering studies on a final note. I'd be pursuing a course of study (mass communications and marketing communications perhaps) which is more relevant to my short term needs and instrumental in the development of my career. (this helps me to contribute to what is more important)
They say life begins at forty. Perhaps that will be the age my kids might be ten, and I'll tell them that I am taking a hiatus from work and spend three years doing something I really like, while making a living out of it.
For two, I feel that my heartstrings have been tugged. I do feel the urge to get to know a nice lady really well, invest in a relationship, and love each other till the end of time. Well, but that's just a feeling. Call it delayed puberty or what you may want.
The past few weeks have seen me so exhausted that I just wanna plonk down on bed or even sleep as early as 8pm on certain days. Tsk Tsk. People who call be a bundle of energy haven't really seen the times where I just want to do nothing but SLEEP =/. Every Monday is a challenge- especially when I am the nocturnal kind who can't sleep early. Heh.
And yes, finally, the church renovations have almost come to a completion, and with that comes the fun of assimilate into the new systems. I've been literally waking up at 6.30am on Sundays to make sure that I have my breakfast then go to church early (to assist the sound teams with the new systems, to answer questions, and what not)
God has certainly opened my eyes to many many things, steadfastness, wisdom, and maturity being the more significant lessons. I still grapple with situations when I feel misunderstood, more so when people can't "seem" to grasp my heartbeat. I'll let God deal with me with regard to this issue.
God has been gently prodding me to release forgiveness and total surrender in the areas of my family. So many things have happened of late ( with regard to my estranged father) and these have, on many occasions tested my limited wisdom, patience and grace to an immense level. God, help me with this.
Even as I'm praying for directions, God seems to be speaking to me clearly about certain things He wants fixed- my commitment to knowing and applying His Word, for one. While it's really going to be a challenge "dying to self and enthroning God in our lives", as quoted by SH and advocated by so many others, I will make the conscious effort to do so.
Mark my words, O God, and help me!
Till then.
just me,
Fraser
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