Three months, 19 days into my job at this infamous call centre. Sitting here, I’m amazed that I can even find the time to type in this entry for my beloved blog!
Sitting here, feeling somehow relieved by last night’s movie session, yet drugged by the Panadol Extra I took this morning to combat my headache spells, I had this compelling urge to update my blog.
Of late, I have had questions of a similar nature directed at me; as to why I was so quiet blog wise, and why there were irregular or no updates on my blog at all. Truthfully, I’ve typed so much in the office, lodging cases and replying emails, that I’ve completely lost the desire to type in anything official when I’m sitting in front of my computer at home, other than chatting.
Someone asked me how my life had been. A simple question like that really set me thinking, and the reason was because I had no answer to that. Life wasn’t fantastic, but it wasn’t that exactly boring either. In fact, I felt that it was rather dangerous that I had developed this numbness and oblivion to things that were happening to me. Biblically it seems dangerous to feel such a way. Or was it that I was just being at peace?
My heart feels troubled somehow. Tim noticed that at work yesterday and expressed his concern. I shrugged it off as being tired and lethargic after a furious day at work. While I am relatively excited and happy that my services has been extended, and that my folks are entrusting upon me more responsibilities and work, I’m not exactly the happiest person around. I yearn to break out of this job line and venture into something like events management and audio, I find it hard to forsake the “job stability” and the familiarity of processes that I have picked up over the months.
Today was the worst. I had a bad case in the morning. I cursed, I swore. I felt like throwing in the towel and calling it quits. Still, I just couldn’t bear to make the move and just drop everything.
I worry, I fret. Audio engineering isn’t exactly the easiest course to excel in, nor is it considered one of the normal routes that anybody would take. While I really do want to pursue this gift and passion of mine, I hit into pillars of self doubt and worry as to whether I can support myself financially through school, work my way through and support my family, and most of all, achieve my ambition.
Am I guilty of complicating up my life? Am I setting unrealistic goals for myself?
As I struggle with all these worries and cares of the world, I hope that God’s mercy and grace will be with me, and walk with me through these turbulent days.
2 comments:
Every job comes with the sense of boredom once you stayed long enough because you have develop the sense of familiarity and comptency. However this takes away the challenge that makes job unfulfilling. Always seek out new challenges within your job so that the passion for your work can still burn on.
honestly, i didn't feel the energy I initially carried these last few days at work. i do agree with tim - the sense of familiarity has taken over and made things kinda draggy. but try to think positive, every caller is a challenge and a new chance to learn from. jia you!
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