I’m still reeling over the initial shock I’m going thru as I’m typing this entry (at work again). Having being brought down by a bad bout of gastric and incessant headaches since last week, I took some time off to recuperate on Friday and Saturday.
After not having worked for 3 days in a row, I felt somewhat disoriented and alien as I stepped into the office. My table was painstakingly neat as usual (thanks to Tim), but the mouse was oily. Eeks….
Back to which, I had some difficulties going back into full swing. I was rather slow and disengaged, but time warmed up my engine and I was back in shape in a couple of minutes. And so was my gastric and headaches…
I realize that I’ve probably taken more panadol pills in my stint here than anywhere else in the world. It just occurred to me that these may have been caused by the stress level (I just happen to have a low threshold for that). So, I may be guilty of complicating my own life after all.
For the close-to-desperate prayers, God seems to have answered. I’m found opportunities to explore in other areas, and I’m seriously contemplating moving on and leaving this job in the dust. Today, I just made known my intention to leave early, and the folks were pretty gracious so far. I’m feeling so much lighter already.
Yesterday, after much apprehension and hesitation, I did manage to “take a step of faith” and I did manage to approach one young chap for a survey. Its incredulous that after all the public speaking seminars and all the events I’ve hosted in school in the past…I actually didn’t even have the courage to approach a stranger in public?
What was holding me back? Was my heart selfish? Perhaps I’ve grown too cold. Perhaps I’ve lost the passion and urgency. I kept asking myself why.
Nevertheless, I’m thankful for God’s grace that carried me through and gave me the courage and the counsel to speak. I was really taken aback by how I even managed to do it in the first place. I’m also grateful to the team, esp. Daniel and Louis for their kind words and encouragement. Cheers!
I pretty much want to quit being so hard on myself… and start being myself. Easier said than done. Where do I begin?
1 comment:
First thing, I did not make you mouse oily...
Second, one of the reason I feel you might lose your passion for your faith is you are serving too much in church which lead you to a burnout. Always take a step back when you feel you are giving too much of yourself, so that you can recharge, so that you can also allow others to serve, give Adrian a chance la, if you know what I mean, it is about time....
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