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Today...the day I returned to work. Initially, I was still feeling a lill sleepy and spent after the swim last night and the events that took place over the weekend, but God provided and I had a managable day at work :P For once, we managed to achieve a pretty decent quota and I was glad to have contributed to that.

The break really did wonders. I returned to work feeling refreshed and lighter, and everyone was welcoming in their own way..but they did comment on how red my eyes were and how tired I looked..hahaha.

Once more, my job scope has been changed, and I do hope its for the better. With so many things coming my way, I take it that my contract has been extended. Praise God!

Chill!

endless timeline

Ahh...the joys of a HUGE blower..for once, my cell group wont have to suffer the heat when they come over :)

Today's date is 3rd July 2006. Goodness gracious..its been a month since I last updated this blog! Time goes so fast without realising it. 3rd Quarter 2006 will arrive faster than I anticipated.

I'm penning down these thoughts after recuperating from my three day retreat session out of Singapore. Work has been certainly fast paced-I've find it hard even to update this spot on a regular basis. Once again, I earned myself a change in job scope and I find myself busier than before. OT seems more of a norm then ever, common were the days I'd reach home at 9-10pm before heading off to work early tomorrow.

I thank God for the growing friendship between Daniel, Melvin and the rest of the folks and myself. These guys keep me going, and through helping each other out in times of need, I see this interesting dimension of work that you'd never experience without friendship.

Almost three months have come and gone. While I am comtemplating to stay on to this job, yet considering other avenues to explore, one thing is for certain. By God's mercy and grace, I have managed to stay on to this job till the end of the contract. If you'd read my earlier posts, I prayed that God would help me to fulfill my current contract and beyond.

Over the last month, I've made mistakes, nearly gotten people into hot soup (including myself) and drifted in and out of plain boredom and excitement. On the day before my break, I encountered a really nasty person. While I was kinda upset with the way things turned out, I was initially more upset with how some folks reaction when they learnt of it..oh well *shrugs**

Planning for the retreat certainly helped to keep my mind off most negative thoughts of things I've ecountered at work. It was my first attempt serving in such an area, but i have had the honor of working with a marvellous team. Faced with the "unknown" factor (the campsite was new, and the reccee didnt help much, a certain degree of challenge and excitement formed. The big day was on Fri, and we only got the stuff on thursday. How last minute indeed!

God's provision was evident..there were the usual last minute technical errors (we couldnt borrow a mixer, and the laptop was out of the question coz the church PC died). I'm thankful that Adrian & Pst Henry went the extra mile to loan us their laptops. The campsite had a decent mixer (better than the one I intended to loan), and the campsite had provided much more than expected. Praise God!

Above all, the campers were selfless and helped us in many many ways...I'm truly appreciative and touched by that gesture. While I was constantly battling the horrendous monster of slumber, God pointed out several things to me:

1) As a result of the rejection I faced as a kid and even in my teenage years, I saw it fit to be competitive. I couldnt afford to lose out, and I set high standards for myself. As a result of my low esteem levels, I could have come across as critical and unaccomodating.

2) I was often losing out on the better part. I was like Martha, who was perpetually busy with preperations and stuff, unlike Mary, who chose the better part. (biblical reference)

3) I realised I was not the only person struggling with sins-I was fighting a spritual battle along with my spritual brothers and sisters.

4) God has blessed me with unshakable joy in serving in the PA ministry.

On the final night, where a deliverance session was held, I had the privilage of praying for and crying with my brothers in repentance. We shared, we talked. I discovered many many things about each other that I would have missed if I did not come for the retreat. A big thank you to all you who've been a great source of encouragement and inspiration!

As I end off my entry, I'd like to repent of my high handedness, my low esteem, my incapablilty of being joyful and of my sins. Mould me, use me Lord!

Shalom!

survived

I cant believe that I survived Saturday! The day I really dreaded has finally come and gone...haha.

We were expecting something big on Saturday, so we were called back to work, and work beyond our working hours (4pm?!). We did recieve many many calls, but all for the wrong reasons. Arrghh. In my opinion, I felt that something should have been done to remedy the existing situation.

But on another hand, working late on Saturday allowed me to clear almost all of the work that had been steadily piling up over the week. At last, the massive snowball has thawed into a harmless beachball. Away it goes!

In the midst of all the busyness and the mayhem over the huge amount of calls coming in, I was blessed to see us functioning as a wonderful team. Everyone went the extra mile to extend a helping hand to others. Its a wonderful feeling indeed. At last, the dark clouds above me seems to have cleared.

Nevertheless, I'm still holding on to my faith..to be kept safe in a crazy world.

Chills!

fras

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Thank you all for praying for me
today's much better as I journey
Thank you Lord for providing for me
Your assurance means tons of grace for me

In contrast, today was a relatively smooth and enjoyable day, despite the fact that I still failed to make it home before 9pm.

One of my collegue's last day was yesterday, and she was sweet to have written us a thank you note. It seems that I'd always be remembered as the funny and entertaining guy. Wahaha.

Its certainly good to hear that I'm still capable of bringing cheer to others. While the privilage is mine, I hope that I can continue to bless in this manner.

One verse from K that was a great reminder to start my day right: "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" Thess 5:16-18. A great reminder indeed. Thanks Kev bro!

Thank you all, who have prayed for me and have tolerated my ranting the night before, and a huge thanks to God who has been patient and faithful.

Amen.

Looking ahead??? hmm

Life's stressed is life's desserts. One of my pals quoted this in his blog and it caught my eye. This saying is not new to me but I fail to see how it can be associated with anything nice. Perhaps its all about perception.

Its been ten days since I last blogged. The last ten days were full of rush hours and bit by bit, I see my workload snowballing and turning into some huge snowball that will get the better of me sooner or later. What used to be a initially great job feels completely undesirable now. I used to think that I could be able to hold on to this job right up to the start of school in end Oct, but I seriously have other thoughts right now. I guess I'll just move on out of the job, out of that compartment in the office right after my contract expires.

I shall not bitch about my work here although deep in my heart, I wish that there was a way I could get back at some people on the other end of the line, like say something sacarstic and help them to realise that the world's not just about themselves.

I'm seizing the opportunity to blog here today given the fact that I'm on leave after two long days of overtime, and in view of the crazy thursday, friday and saturday to come.

Ten days of pure struggles did nothing for my already beaten soul. Day by day, I hate to admit it but I'm getting discouraged. It has actually hit a point where I was so vunerable that every wrong thing that came my way became a big threat to my already injured ego and it certainly wasnt a good feeling. Once more, I see myself failing to involve God in my work and my daily encounters, but invloving God sometimes feels like an uphill struggle rather than one that one should do gladly.

The only consolation I have are the friends that I have made in the department over the course of my work. My lunch hours suddenly feel so precious...the one hour in the day that I can rest my vocal chords and reduce my chances of getting high blood pressure. This jobline requires more stamina than I thought.

I happened to chat with a fellow collegue that had been working in the callcentre for ten years. I was shocked at the duration of her workyears there, and how she managed to stay there for that long. I even added that I was just approaching my second month here, and I was already gettin tired of all the nonsence there. It was a great encouragement to hear her say that she felt that I was doing well.

Not getting scolded by people early in the morning today and having the luxury of time to spend the entire day with my brother is really refreshing. It also just goes to show how hard working life can be. Well, on the brighter side of perspective, it develops me I guess. Workin hard and saving hard for school is no easy feat, and I guess this is God's way of telling me to be careful of my expenditures and the way I spend.

Last Sunday, I had the opportunity to lend a ear to T as he shared. As much as I was honoured, I was glad because T repaid the favor and lend me a really pair of enduring ears to listen to as well. Suddenly, I realised that I wasnt the only one having problems at work, and it was certainly time to do something about all these negativity in me.

Looking ahead and striving to run the race looks like such an obstacle to overcome for my weay soul, but I guess I'm not done with yet. For those who're reading this, please keep me in your prayers.

Much appreciated!

**FD**

Thoughts. Just Thoughts.

Wow. Yet another week has zoomed past with such unbelievable speed. Its hard to imagine that 7 days have come and gone, and I'm sitting here once more on a early Sunday morning typing my thoughts out on this little space here.

The past week at work was mad. I made mistakes, screwed up, and of course, took multiple trips on a roller coaster ride of emotions once more. The week past by furiously slow yet fast. I messed up stuff a little at work because of my inadequate knowledge of procedures and incurred the wrath of some folks over at the other end of the office. Yet my seniors were patient and guided me along without kicking a big fuss over my silly mistakes; and that I was genuinely grateful for.

I had a change in job scope and swopped jobs with my fellow temp collegue over Thursday and Friday. Initially, the sensitive me thought that I was doing badly in my present job scope and I was...well...rather discouraged. Well, all these thoughts of negativity were unfounded; they wanted to cross train us so that we'd be able to do each other's job when either of us were absent.

Faced with a new job scope and being completely unfamiliar with the procedures, I have to admit that I was really inefficient for the past days and with new promotions coming up and calls coming in, I found it hard to breathe, literally. I shared this with my fellow temp collegue and I realised that we were in this mess together.

Something happened during the workweek that really shook me hard. I needed to go to the store to requisite some publication for my clients. The storeman was extremely impatient and told me that I came at the wrong timing, but was silent when I countered by asking when the correct timing was. As he was searching the pile of publications to see what I was looking for, the pile of materials next to it collapsed. He literally cussed enough words to fill the space he was in, and event excercised some finger muscles.

I wasnt shocked at his behavior as I had been forewarned and I met people with similar attitudes along the way. What really shocked me was how eerily my actions resembled his (the cussing and the finger excercising) when I got mad. After thanking him, I left the place not upset with him, but with deep disgust and shame with myself. How many times had I displayed this kind of behavior at home? The incident count is indeed disturbing.

Following the sharing on cell group on Friday with regards to the assurance of salvation, I was deeply shaken to hear the implications and the biblical truths, yet was thankful for the amazing grace of God and His love for us. I left the session feeling convicted, yet less accused. The insigtness of my cell members and the truth has certainly set the records right.

I had the honor of meeting my ex collegues from my ex company for makan at Chomps. Its been a long time since we last met and I'm just soooo touched that they remember me and called me out for such a gathering...After such a sucky week, its something really nice that you can be thankful for.

As I end the entry and prepare to croak tomorrow, I pray that the days in front will be blessed. Praise ya!

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WaHhh

Woo. Its crowded in here isnt it?

Like I promised, it was really hot in herre at my place last Friday. The reading on the thermostat read 32 deg! By God’s grace, we managed to fit in almost twenty people in my little house. More amazing was the fact that we actually managed to have a good soup out of something seemingly orthodox and unconventional, and I really hope everyone enjoyed as much as I did.

The beginnings were humble. We just wanted a small cosy steamboat that served healthy food to a small group of people. As the days went by, the invitation list grew and so did the food list! Now it almost resembles the Lord ’s Supper, and I’m glad that things went on smoothly and that we had a wonderful time together J

For one, I think it was a prayer answered. As I ponder on Pst Joshua’s sermon that came a few months back, I thank God that I was very able to prepare for such a big event as a first timer, yet do it with the peace and grace of God. Nevertheless, I want to thank my dearest mother and eldest aunt who were really busy with me the whole day, and who took much effort to prepare the ingredients.

I was really touched by their enthusiasm and involvement. My aunt gave me a prep lesson on the basics of soup making, and went about getting all the ingredients beforehand. My mom went around shopping for stuff, and was on her feet with me the entire day, and even during the event itself, to make sure things went smoothly! The two ladies were occupied the whole day preparing the dishes and cooking the stuff.

At this juncture, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who turned up, contributed in your priceless ways and made the event such a roaring success! Now you know why we see the same old faces in any logistics team for the church, ha-ha.

I had the mind to take pictures of the preparations right till the event, but I was so tied up myself that I hardly found the time to take any pictures. Feeling bad for making my mom stay up on Friday; I apologized to her on Sat morning. To my surprise, she said that she had actually enjoyed preparing for the event and that it really helped to take her mind off her workload.

To the backache, the cuts and the fatigue I experienced that day…nothing is comparable to the immeasurable joy I felt being able to serve in such a manner. The joy of fellowshipping outweighs anything else I guess.

Whoo.

The gathering on Friday spells my second week at work. While I enjoy it despite the occasional tongue lashing I get from frustrated people, I like the business and the dynamics of a call centre. I can hardly afford to have time to feel bored! On top of that, this job has plenty of opportunities for me to OT…hehe. Naturally I’m on a little favor of that cause I get to earn more and save up for school.

On another hand, I find it unhealthy because the workaholic side of me is showing up. Other than my roaring tummy, I doubt I would have found the motivation to pack up and go home. On the other hand, I have things to do at home. I have to fulfill my responsibility as my son, an elder brother, and of course, sleep.

I actually opted out of singing this week for service, and missed my BS session with Melvin (SORRY!) because of my body yelling at me to catch some sleep. If this is the direction I’m headed towards, I’d really need to do something about it.

Sleep is something I’d really want to catch up on, and my body’s finding ways to tell me to get more rest and exercise. Physically and mentally, I feel like I’m 42, not a 24 to be. I just had a wonderful swim on Sunday, and I was surprised at how stretched I could feel, yet amazed at how fast my energy levels dwindled after that.

As I struggle with my never ending commitments and my irrational endeavors to run myself in overdrive mode and achieve them, I received a meaningful email. Excerpts of the mail as shown:

But God gave us twenty-four hours each day to accomplish our tasks and oh how we chafe under the restraint. Then we try to accomplish more than time allows. We place
ourselves under huge amounts of self-imposed stress.

As we do so, we also fight against God. We fail to recognize it cannot be God's will to pack more into twenty-four hour day than will fit. Because we don't like God's time constraints, we push ourselves. We get up early. We go to bed late. Yet the list of work
grows and stress grows too.

Look at what the Bible says, "It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors" (Psalm 127:2). The word "vain" means "deception." It is a deception to get up early, to cram the day with activities, to retire late, and to
see each day as a day of "painful labor," only to repeat the cycle again. Why? You will not receive that for which you work. Because you are forgetting God, you are not using each day properly. Psalm 118:24 says, "This is the day the Lord has made." Remembering the Author of time and setting priorities will reduce stress.

In moments like these, I am not ashamed to admit that I’m probably struggling with despondency at times because I’m not handling things in the right manner.

God help me.

For now, I cling on to this phrase: Be Privileged, Positive and Persevering. John 17 tells us why. J

Stunned

Wow. The week passes so fast, and its been a WEEK! since I last updated this space. Last Monday saw me being "fired", this Monday saw me starting my first day at my new workplace.

I was still pretty in a state of daze when I left my ex workplace last week. Although deep in my heart I knew that that was not the place for me to be in, I was still unsure if I had made the right choice in moving on. I went back for a "farewell" lunch on Tuesday, where I really enjoyed the company and the fun we had over lunch..

On Tuesday, I spotted this job opportunity as an events assistant. Naturally I was super excited and called up straight away. I went down for the interview full of hope, but I guess that wasnt the right place for me to be at that point in time. I didnt make it thru the second round! Wahaha.

Nevertheless, I thank God for a really efficient person by the name of Jaz...haha. A super enthusiastic and bubbly person I got to know. She's been of great help in keeping a lookout for me, and before I knew it, I was penning down details for my new job offer and attending an interview on Friday.

I wasnt really expecting to get the job cause I slept really late on Wed night, and as could be expected, was kinda zombified on the day itself. I was really nervous but the manager was super disarming. We had an interview over the wine counter in the pantry, and I was almost expecting to be offered some red wine during the interview itself!

Surprise surprise. In 30 mins flat I recieved the good news that I had been accepted, and "they liked me so much" that they extended my minimal contract to 3 months. I could stay indefinetly if I wanted.Ooo.

Saturday saw me doing street E's for the first time. Now to those who know me well, I always regarded this area as my weakness. I was really apprehensive about doing it in the first place, but after a period of learning, discovery and spritual prompting, I decided to go for it. At the end of it, I realised that it was not about "how ready I was", but the condition of my heart and my level of faith.

I was rather nervous, but I had a great time learning from James, who apparently was really experienced in this area of ministry. I'd like to thank James for his patience and the deep chat we had along the way, plus all of those who came along for being encouraging and supportive in their own special way.

I was deeply touched as the topic of "suffering" spoke to me greatly. Somehow, I prayed that this topic would strike deep into the hearts of those we were to minister to. Lo and behold! I met Tom, who was really an answered prayer in every sense. He was simply the highlight of the event. God is amazing!

I am thankful that
1) I finally got out of my ex job
2) I had a one week break!
3) I've a new job in less than a week.

For the past few weeks, I was in a state of searching and self reflection. I look on my spritual life and I wonder how far I have moved since the day I first came to be exposed to Christian teaching. I realised that at times, my knowledge of the Bible seemed inadequate. As I questioned myself, I was seeking the reasons behind my "slow" spritual progress.

Amidst all the involvement in the ministries that I am in now, I fear that I may have lost touch of the big picture. I fear that I could have been serving for the wrong reasons, but I do feel a strong sense of spritual passion for the ministries I am involved in.

Sometimes, I fear that I may develop this sprit of arrogance and self exaltation. May the good Lord humble my heart and keep me in check.

As I reflect on my walk with God, I am reminded of the need to be humble and seeking, not only in my spritual walk, but in the daily activities that I do. Christ's Humuilty was one of the impactful messages I've heard so far, and one that convicts me and puts my heart to shame.

God help me.

I have nothing to say about my new job, coz its the first day, but its a freezer in there (20 degrees), and the job's certainly exciting!

This time, I am DETERMINED not to repeat my mistake. May God be my daily companion thru every season of the soul.

To end off, I'd like to thamk the so many people who've been a great source of encouragement and support. Thank God for all of U.

Shalom!

Parents, realise your worth!

Came across this interesting article on the newspapers on-the-road, and was rather moved by the contents.

Strikes a chord in me somewhere, cause I can more or less relate to this lonely child in the article. I was fortunate enough, however, not to fall into deliquency or severe behavioural problems, thanks to the grace of our Heavenly Father.

To all fathers out there, please realise that you have an important role in the family, one that material nor wealth can fulfill!

While this article mentioned articles, I hope all parents will make the effort to spend quality time with their children. Such is the rentless pursuit of wealth and material gains in this fast paced society of ours that some of us cant even spend more than 5 hours of quality time with our children each day.

I certainly hope that despite my decision to join the events industry, I will have the luxury of spending quality time with my wife and children... :)

The Emancipation of Frazzie

24 hours a day. 7 days a week. 365 days a year. That’s what is given to us. How we utilize it is up to us!

Time is precious indeed. I find myself in a constant battle for time, time and more time to juggle between work, personal commitments and time for myself plus indulging in the things I want to do. Over the weekends, I wish I had more time to spend with my family and myself.

On Thursday night, I had a bad relapse of gastric pains. It had already hit me since Tues, but I didn’t want to see a doctor as I regarded it as a minor problem. However, the pain was so bad that I couldn’t even sleep on Thursday night. The end result was a zombie-fied me dragging my feet to the clinic. I was SO tired that my aunt had to wave in front of me before I realized that I had actually bumped into her along the way.

As I waited for 30mins, freezing in the otherwise undercooled common space of the clinic; I started thinking about the state of mind I was in. The confusion and struggles were certainly getting to me and making me a bitter and paranoid person.

I had a chance to chat with my doctor about work and even managed to tell him more about the products I sell. He offered words of encouragements before proclaiming that I had gastric flu and some viral infection.

Now that explains the lethargy and the body aches I’ve been experiencing the whole week. As I’m typing this on a Monday, I’m still pretty worn out by the experience. I napped for a record breaking 5 hours

A week of mad work, cell meetings and the weekends have come and gone by. Friday’s cell was a simple presentation on the 5Cs of evangelism, yet ideas flowed and we ended up doing in much deeper (or was it further?) than we expected. It was a great time of sharing and I was glad we were able to learn from each other. I shared about my struggles with work and gained invaluable perspective from folks who were already in the working world. As for me, I learnt how to be more effective in my spiritual skills in that area. God be willing, I want to be a fisher of men!
Saturday zoomed past so fast, that I didn’t even remember what went on. Sunday was a more interesting day. I attended my first church anniversary (it’s really my first!!) and I was really touched by how a “small” church like ours had big hearts for God. Everyone was working hard to make sure that things were in place, such that the celebrations went on as smooth as possible.

As for me, it was really gratifying as this was one of the few times I actually got off my lazy bum and chose to be involved in the logistics team for this event. Through this, my heart was humbled and I experienced the joy of serving and giving.

The highlight of the event was the sound system in the car park. With a great team of Ad, Art and Mel plus myself, we took down the ancient speakers and wired up the new ones. I was pretty amazed by the improvement in the sound itself, more so on how I was so privileged to be blessed in this area.



On that very night, I had a chat with one great gentleman I got to know recently. M’s a really insightful person and I felt really blessed to have him in my life. I thank God that He has sent this blessing to share unselfishly his learning and experiences!

One thing was for sure though. I was greatly reminded of the very basis of our belief, in JC Himself. At this juncture, I felt convicted. How many times did I actually place my wholehearted belief in Him while things were going haywire? I felt this great need to come before Him and surrender my life.

Monday, yet another day back to the same old place. I called some religious schools today. The B schools didn’t mind placing a listing with us and were extremely polite and friendly over the phone. In contrast, the C and C schools were rather edgy and declined to place a listing as they felt that their course attendees were “referred” by churches and that was no need to create publicity for themselves.

Couldn’t help but feel bewildered. Why were the responses of that of the B and the C institutions of learning so different? I hope wouldn’t display this spirit of exclusiveness when it comes to sharing the goodness of God.

On my MC, I wrote a small note to my manager, sharing with her how I felt that it was of an uphill struggle for me to continue with my telesales stint, and how I was plain frustrated with my inferior command of Chinese to communicate effectively. She was nice and took time to share my concerns and well, I was surprised to learn that in her opinion, I wasn’t doing so badly after all.

However, I voiced my intentions to move on, and although I could sense hesitation in her voice, she agreed to let me go.

I’m officially unemployed now. I walked out of my workplace feeling so much lighter and emancipated.

At this juncture, I’d like to have a little Thanksgiving session:

My aunt: Thanks for passing me your National a/cs! They rock.

Acts 1:8, Ad, Mel N, Mel C, Ferg, Viol and JH: Thanks for praying for me and keeping me sane thru this 1 month.

YPTMTeam: It’s a privilege working with ya lads, lets keep the friendship goin!

Lastly but not least, God, who maketh all things beautiful in His time.

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Things have been happening lately that somehow pushed me into this state of mind I'm in, of confusion, struggles and fear.

This week, I struggled alot with my temper. I wasnt nagged so much at, but I was really driven up the wall by the attitudes of some people.

Monday and tuesday seemed like they took 96 hours rather than 48 hours. With that state of mind, I was constantly in deep thought and reflection. I kept thinking of the past...how things took place and finally ended up like that

I struggle with my faith. I find it hard to comprehend how I could really pull through this two more months without smashing the monitor or just throwing in the towel. Know how I feel?

My close collegue got sacked on Tues and that really shook me. I started getting paranoid. I heard of rumours that two temp staff were coming in to replace "us". I was expecting myself to be the next to go. However, I was on leave on Wednesday, so I told my collegue to update me on any happenings.

Wednesday, a day of dust, noise and cool relief plus a blast of music finally came and went. The call never came, and I was surprised not to see my seat taken over by someone else. On the table, there was yet but another order form. God's really great at surprising me by placing order forms on my table and making sure thats the 1st thing I see on my table.

Still mentally preparing myself to be sacked, I called my agent to keep her prepared. I was surprised to hear that she doubted that I would be asked to leave and that there was no negative feedback about me. Wow.

Yet as the day passed, it was increasingly hard to focus..I was struggling and it seems like I was about to break.

I wish I could be fired yet ahead lies so many question marks.

God help me!

Suffering

Why is there suffering in this world?

I’m sure this is an oft-asked question asked by the human race, on a direct or indirect basis. Personally speaking, this is a question I don’t throw out that often, but I do have moments where I question the need to allow suffering into this world.

“Suffering” is not a bad thing in itself. Sometimes, it is what you make up of it. I take no pleasure in admitting that I do get confronted in moments that I define as suffering: inner doubts and struggles, conflict, emotional traumas etc. We may have brought suffering upon ourselves, or we might be victims of someone else’s misdemeanors.

Someone once mentioned that you do not have control of what comes crashing into you (90%), but you can CHOOSE how you respond to it (10%). While the proportion seems comically disproportionate, it is the 10% that makes the difference. You can let it ruin your day, or you can take it in your stride and enjoy the beautiful remaining moments ahead.

Last Friday, in response to several of my teammates’ disillusionment and low morale, we attended a prep talk by our training manager. Once more, I am reminded of the fact that what breaks us either kills us or makes us stronger. The choice is ours and ours alone.

It’s hard to keep check on our emotions and take things in a positive light, but we gotta try and rise up above our problems.

Sometimes the “sufferings” in your life allow you to see other things you normally don’t see. In times of bad, you can now see your true friends and family members rallying around to help and support you through your period of crisis. Helping someone to tide over their crisis while you are in your own helps you too look beyond your problems and in the process, mature in friendship and self-development.

I was fortunate enough to have great families and wonderful friends, believers and non believers alike, who listened, encouraged, and even lent a shoulder to cry own. In my own right, I hope I will be able to repay them the favor, and in a greater measure.

What matters more is not how much you have suffered, or how much are you suffering, but your ATTITUDE towards your present condition. You have the CHOICE.

And so do I.

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Looking back, its been about three months since I embarked on the journey of blogging online. What I can say is that this personal little space of mine in the vast world of the internet has been close to my heart. it knows my ups and downs, my joy and sorrow, and my inner thoughts.

This blog has also helped me express myself better. My inability and my reluctance to share and open up had resulted in my heart being hardened and my emotions being suppressed. With this, I am able to better express myself (in words) and in retrospect, I do not suffer from the aftermath of suppressed feelings :P

Expressing my thoughts in writing allows me to revisit the things I write about. In times of bad, as I pen down the posts, I'm able to revisit the situation(s) from a more positive light, identify the learning points and learn from my mistakes.

I hope this site encourages those who may be facing similar situations that I'm writing about. Be hopeful.

As fast as the weekends flew by, I realise I'm typing this on a Wednesday night. My previous post was posted on a Sunday, and that was way before a very uplifting and encouraging chat I had online with Prof Shao.

What seemed like a regular chat session progressed into one where Shao shared his heart for his ministry and the vision impressed upon him. Candidly speaking, I was impressed upon with a similar vision and it was certainly exciting to know that God has teamed us up to complete this mission for Him. As much as Shao felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one who was impressed upon this responsibility, I was relieved to receive this affirmation.

On hindsight, I'm thankful that God seems to be reminding me once more that there's more to this job I'm stuck in, and that I've every reason to be excited and passionate for His works waiting to be fulfilled through me. Because of that, I learn to look beyond my problems (my work) and learn focus on the big picture.

Shao, as we work towards our mission, may our faith be strengthened and stand tall through the test of time and trials. Amen?

Monday was a relatively quiet day. As time goes by, I get to know my team mates better and better. I'm truly appreciative of their presence in my life, they're this motivating factor that makes me wanna go work. Sales was way bad for that day, but the highlight was that we (the believers in our group) actually prayed for God's intervention.

To add on to the highlight, I was actually impressed by God to pray for this particular person. Somehow, the words just flowed and I was very touched when the person affirmed that I had just prayed for his needs (without him telling me what they were).

Somehow, God seems to be using me in ways I've never known or explored before. Praying for my cell members isn’t a habit of mine, let alone my colleagues.

To top of off, I had the privilage of having dinner in town with a great bunch of bros(no pics tho). I can’t believe that we actually sat at BK for more than an hour, chatting and crapping. What a fun experience indeed...I actually suffered from tummy aches from all the prolonged laughter.

I ended Monday with a fabulous note, but more surprises awaited me on Tues. Our sales did pick up (Praise God!) and as I was just joking that I should have prayed for myself coz those I prayed for closed deals, my order forms actually came in. For deserts, I had customers calling in to ask more about the product...and I was simply blown away.

All this happened after I was harboring thoughts of getting myself fired so that I won’t have to pay the early contractual termination fees. Fergus and Adrian were two nice accommodating folks who entertained and encouraged me thru that dreary day.

Wednesday--the day where most of us suffer from the midweek crisis--came and flew past without much mayhem, but I'm counting on God for sustenance for Thurs and Fri...I'm tired!

God Bless.

Whaddya wanna be?

Good day bloggie.

Here's the weekend come and gone again SOON. This weekend's gotta be the most welcome relief to another not so likable week at work..had dinner with cell on Friday night, and went out thereafter. Without getting any sleep on Fri, I actually managed to stay out for the whole day on Saturday :)

How did I survive the past week? I was singled out, frustrated, and in my opinion, stuck in a job I didnt want to be in. I felt stigmatised by the environs..felt dejected by the times things went wrong.

Yet God's amazing grace once more pulled me thru the entire week. I feel the need to be constantly depending on Him rather than trying to achieve something with my bare hands. Unless the Lord builds the house, the workers labor in vain. This has been a verse that has been stuck in my head, and I hope I do live by that.

How do I deal with my frustration? How do I keep my anger in check, when I feel that I've been wronged? I stay calm and I try to put myself in the other's person shoes. With what I can possibily percieve as their reactions, I can better understand why the are reacting in that particular manner. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Thats #2.

Fergus sent me some interesting and useful tips on cold-calling, and I'm thankful of that. I've fowarded it to my collegues, and I hope that it helps them as much as it has benefited me. i certainly hope I'm not infringing on any copyrights here :)

Dragging my sleepy and CO clouded mind to Paradiz Centre, I attended an interesting sharing session on Saturday. While this is an area which I used to shy away from, I surprised even myself by actually looking foward to it, and to being a part of it I'm thankful for the opportunity to once more expose myself to new knowledge and opportunities. While I'm hesitant to give a straight OK to the nice folks who've invited me to be a part of their team, my answer isnt a sure NO. Heh.

The sermons covered during the past few weeks have really set my mind thinking..and pondering over facts. I struggle with evangelism as I had the opinion that I wasnt cut out for it, and that there were other ways to serve other than in the area of evangelism. Learning from the past few messages have drastically altered my perception about that subject issue.

What matters to me more is how I am living my life, and the corrective actions that I may have taken in a bid to straighten out my tangled life. I'm thankful that I've already taken off a huge rubber band off my shoulder this year,and a BIG stronghold at that.

I realise once more that it is essential that I set a good example to those around me that I may represent the body of Christ in an manner that is pleasing to God, and as an example to those around me.

This is what I wanna achieve:

1) An encouragement to others: May my words be of salt and grace, and of encouragement to others.

2) Using what God has blessed me to serve: I dont wish to put God's blessing to waste. I hope to develop my talents and use them in a righteous manner.

3) Overcoming my shyness and low self esteem: Well...I am trying :)

4) And of course, overcome my fears of evangelism.


What do you wanna be?

Everything in His time

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and try to pray
and in the silence I can here Him say

The river runs and the river hides
out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
everything in its time.

Apologies for yesterday's lousy post. Just needed to get stuff all my chest.

Was trying to get over my disappointement and my dejection over yesterday's period of down. To be frank, I wasnt that upset anymore but I certainly wasnt expecting any miracles either.

Thats where I was completely wrong. God works in surprising ways. I'm reminded of the fact that God breaks us down so that we can come to him once more...and be reminded of his gracious mercy and grace.

Had a short briefing where we were given some feedback on our performances so far...and after that, I had a little chat with my manager. I shared about my issues and doubts, and she agreed to help me and identify where I could have went wrong.

At the end of it, she mentioned:" I havent given up on you yet, so you shouldnt be giving up on yourself."

What a shock. To be frank, I was expecting her to really holler at me...heh.

Well..what came after that was a complete surprise...I managed to "secure" a deal speaking in CHINESE.. my my my...

After lunch, I had more surprises. I had two orders coming in with payment details. It really came as such a pleasant surprise!

I'm just very thankful that God was so gracious as to have seen the struggles of my heart, and in His own manner, shown me that He still cares and not all hope is lost. Shamelessly, I had despaired in vain and almost sinned by not trusting, but He was gracious enough to have overlooked that and provided so much more.

In all, I pray that my faith will stand the test of time and circumstances, and not be wavered by such happenings.

At this point in time, I would like to thank:

1) God, for His amazing love and grace

2) The entire YP team, who have, in your own ways, kept me sane in this craziness and for being such nice folks.

3) I'm certain there exists my solid prayer warriors who upheld me in their prayers and have been a great source of encouragement. You know who you are. Thank You so much!!


Ciao

the battles within

What is the truth? Am I that far from it?

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
my heart just wants to bleed and stop
believing in me


What is the truth? Am I far from it?

The battles within me rage. Part of me wants to give it all up and call it quits. The other part of me still wants to press on.

Two days of workweek's enough to drive me mad..made calls to 66 folks on monday that spoke languages I wasnt profecient in. Worse still, all those attempts got me nowhere. I'm truly truly tired and sick of all this...

Worse still, I had this really nasty person over the phone that really left me in such a foul mood that I contemplated not doing anything for the rest of the day.

Still, peace settled upon me and I found the strength to drag my weary and burderned heart, plus my unhelpful now swollen toe thru the day and to where I was supposed to be.

I found no peace today. Woke up, forgot my wallet. Was late for work, and it seems like I've been dealing with non humans but animals instead. The only reason for cheer was a encouragement SMS sent, and that was it.

On top of that, I recieved an SMS from my ex company asking of I would like to temp with them for 6 months. Heck, I wish I could just quit this freaking job and move on to somewhere with more prospects and less despair.

Perhaps Teck Wee was right. I cant depend on people to keep me going...I have to self motivate.And how do you do that when doors keep getting slammed in your face?

Perhaps I should have taken my chinese lessons more seriously. Perhaps I should have been more agrresive. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. It seems too late to do anything now.

Am I on the verge of giving up on myself? I hope not.

Dropped a note to my mgr who looked really stressed. Expressed our appreciation for her help and guidance.

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again

Goodbye.

frayon the limping crayon

To my fella soundfolks...be careful while you walk around in slippers!

I made a big mistake wearing slippers to church today. Was setting up the system for demo when I tripped over one of the stage monitors. The aged stage monitor has several sharp edges (its not the road carpet finish they use these days) and I really had a great time trying to stop the bleeding.

Aww man. My toe is rather sore now, and I hope it wont cause too much of a problem wearing shoes....I have to!

This week passed by hard and fast. Being caught up with the expectation of the sales line is really something new and overwhelming to me. I had tension headaches for half a week, and was really munching my way throughout the entire workday.Well, the values of that of a sales person differs from mine at times. I always believed that if a buyer is ready, the sale will go through. Otherwise, it may just be a waste of time.

Some hardcore sales reps may shake their head in disagreement with what I said, but I really am not used to cornering people into committing into stuff. My approach would be to give the person some time to consider.

Oh well. That could be the reason why I hit rather low sales quotas in my course of work. Still, I thank God for the job, the working hours, and the great colleagues and manager...and NOT FORGETTING the ONE SALE i finally made! Wahaha.

Oh yeah. On wed nite, we made a pact amongst ourselves to wear RED to the call centre, and on thurs, all of us, including our manager, trainer and sales manager wore RED! It was just between us. I wonder how they got to know about it! Hahaha..the little things u can take delight in.

However, there were several great moments this week. Out of curiosity, I attended a small meeting of an MLM firm that deals with this really interesting healthcare products. For one, I was comfortable with the size of the group (it was just a few of us at this gentleman's place). Absent was the feeling of suppression and dominance usually associated with most MLM gatherings I have attended. For some reason, I felt completely at ease. These are the reasons why...

1) I had a trustworthy person sitting next to me
2) The hospitality was great, the setting was swell.
3) The speaker was extremely affable and disarming.

I not only learnt about this interesting product that they were marketing, but also drew inspiration from the speaker himself and what was discussed that day. If God wills....hahaha.

Friday was cell group...and it being at my cozy place, I looked forward to it even more so. It still amazes me how God has put do many of His unique creations to gather for a divine purpose and learn from each other. I'm inspired by each and every one of my cell members, and yes, I'm honoured to be hosting the sessions. :) My brother Leon joined us for cell, and I was really glad that he made the effort to!

We had a dear sister who made a guest appearance to share on the topic of evangelism, and I was glad to have this opportunity to have my questions answered and my doubts confronted. Indeed, I am more confident to explore in this area now, and I pray that God will continue to develop me.

Saturday....the day I hurt my toe real bad, yet one of the days I really look forward to. The week's been really mad, but I thank God for the opportunity to look beyond the workweek into the beautiful weekends. Had worship prac this noon, and it was a blessed time filled with laughter!! Well, L&E, I hope I wasnt too corny for your taste...thats what happens when I drink too much corn soup. Thanks for being patient and accommodating.

Was also greatly blessed by the time spent with James, my CL. We went to this lovely eatery to have our dinner and chatted along the way. I'm thankful for the interactions I have with all those around me! James has also been successfully infected with the "accent virus" that I've passed on to him! Hahaha..ying ge po ying ge?

What a week to weep, yet to laugh. I treasure these moments I get to laugh, and when my heart is filled with burden and when expectations heap on me, I treasure them even more so.

A few notes..

JS: SUPER glad to have you back with us!!! Yipee!!
TW and Eu: Now that your "secrets" have been revealed, the cell dosent have to sing accapella anymore.
Ad: Thanks for the exposure bro!
Vio: Thanks for being my prayer warrior!!
Kevin: Great to have you supporting me...I'd be lost without the songs..HAHA.
CL: I knew you could do it, but I'm super glad that you got this far!
To M, A, C: Thanks for all the fun on Saturday morning.
ACTS18: Way to go, brudders.

To all at YP: YOU ROCK!!

The Memoirs of a tele-geisha

I'm writing this with a massive headache..moments ago I just downed two Panadol Extras with coke in a bid to kill the pain in my head. Had it since noon...and its been affecting my eyesight ever since.

This isnt the first time I'm experiencing such bad headaches. It happened during my stint in SCDF...and it was so bad, I could have had headaches for a week. The shocking fact is that its sinus related. Today's episode was a classic example..I was sniffing thru the entire day and I nosebled in the shower.

Training's over and I'm into work proper. This is the first time I'm in the sales line..and making phone calls instead of people calling me. I've faxed, mailed and emailed so much in a day, more than I've ever done in any day in my entire life. I've spoken till I could finish ten bottles of water in a day and hit the loo every 30mins. The last few days saw hopes dashed, targets not met..and lots of disappointments.

My manager, who was very concerned, mentioned that my call time was low, and indicated that I should engage in longer conversations. She hoped by doing that, I could increase my sales potential. She was very encouraging throughout, but somehow I do not see the link between spending more time on calls and getting more sales.

Oh well. Maybe thats where I've failed.If thats the case, God help me to change. I think there is still a long way for me to go before I grasp the concept, and I hope that I will be given the opportunity to learn and develop.

The last few days and hours saw my stress level rise and rise and rise, but I thank God for blessinf me with a understanding manager and great collegues who were there to encourage and to uphold..you somehow feel that they are genuine and trustworthy, and not those who'd steal your deals to earn commission. I take comfort that these are the little things I still can give thanks for amidst the amounting pressure and disappointment.

Above all, I see it as a lesson, a development of faith, patience and character and I pray that God will see me through this. At times, I really wish for a life that is mine, but I am very much reminded that life is a learning journey and the Refiner's fire is at work within us.

I'd like to thank all those around me who have in your own special ways, kept me going, from encouaraging and assuring me, and even keeping me busy with other commitments(work is not everything). I hope my post will be an encouragement to those, who, in their own way, are ascending their huge mountain.

bless ya
Fraser JOE

comeback post

Heyy!!

I know it’s been donkey ages since I last updated, but having found a new job, I’ve been on course for Wed and Thursday. We were supposed to start on Friday, but things took on a slower pace. So we start on Monday.

Apologies to those who have waited. I’m excited about this new job; it’s an answered prayer to me. I hoped for an office hour job, so as to be able to serve in the sound and vocalist ministry for church. This job is something new as it involves telesales, but the pay’s pretty good, and there’s commission for sales. Above all, I believe that it’s a learning experience. I get to learn some sales talk and I believe it helps me polish my communication skills and speech ability.

The first day wasn’t scary at all. At least there were some folks who were of my age and day by day, we progressed in friendship. Well, it’s comforting to know that you’d probably face tough customers, but you still have a group of pals and a manager to fall back on. Above all, I place my faith in God for guidance and providence. On Thurs noon, I risked going to town for lunch and ended being late for my training session! Thank goodness I didn’t miss anything that much and I wasn’t scolded.

On Friday, we had a short role play session. I was thankful to know that I didn’t perform so badly at all. I was rather worried that I would totally freeze the moment it was my turn. Having the opportunity to learn and to speak in public certainly comes in useful in times like these.

On Saturday, I had a blast of a time cycling with Mel and YY. We took the connecting routes from Bishan and ended up at Kallang before we decided to head backwards. Cycling is one hot passion of mine and I’m really glad to have cycled with the company of two great folks. Melvin…u ROCK! Haha. I’m super thankful that I had to chance to enjoy my cycling trip before embarking on my job proper. Thank God!


Today, I attended this short course on opportunities for sound engineers today with a great ol pal of mine from SCDF. I was greatly encouraged to hear that there were many opportunities for the aspiring sound engineers today, and that the school that I am intending to pursue my studies with was labeled as an excellent institute of learning, by this top notch audio engineer himself. Had a great time after that, just walking around and catching up. ABG Nas! You’re the man. You can do it.

Above all, I pray that God will grant me a humble heart, that I may continue to serve in church out of humility, and continue to be used by God in His amazing ways.

Cheers!