the battles within

What is the truth? Am I that far from it?

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
my heart just wants to bleed and stop
believing in me


What is the truth? Am I far from it?

The battles within me rage. Part of me wants to give it all up and call it quits. The other part of me still wants to press on.

Two days of workweek's enough to drive me mad..made calls to 66 folks on monday that spoke languages I wasnt profecient in. Worse still, all those attempts got me nowhere. I'm truly truly tired and sick of all this...

Worse still, I had this really nasty person over the phone that really left me in such a foul mood that I contemplated not doing anything for the rest of the day.

Still, peace settled upon me and I found the strength to drag my weary and burderned heart, plus my unhelpful now swollen toe thru the day and to where I was supposed to be.

I found no peace today. Woke up, forgot my wallet. Was late for work, and it seems like I've been dealing with non humans but animals instead. The only reason for cheer was a encouragement SMS sent, and that was it.

On top of that, I recieved an SMS from my ex company asking of I would like to temp with them for 6 months. Heck, I wish I could just quit this freaking job and move on to somewhere with more prospects and less despair.

Perhaps Teck Wee was right. I cant depend on people to keep me going...I have to self motivate.And how do you do that when doors keep getting slammed in your face?

Perhaps I should have taken my chinese lessons more seriously. Perhaps I should have been more agrresive. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. It seems too late to do anything now.

Am I on the verge of giving up on myself? I hope not.

Dropped a note to my mgr who looked really stressed. Expressed our appreciation for her help and guidance.

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again

Goodbye.