Things have been happening lately that somehow pushed me into this state of mind I'm in, of confusion, struggles and fear.
This week, I struggled alot with my temper. I wasnt nagged so much at, but I was really driven up the wall by the attitudes of some people.
Monday and tuesday seemed like they took 96 hours rather than 48 hours. With that state of mind, I was constantly in deep thought and reflection. I kept thinking of the past...how things took place and finally ended up like that
I struggle with my faith. I find it hard to comprehend how I could really pull through this two more months without smashing the monitor or just throwing in the towel. Know how I feel?
My close collegue got sacked on Tues and that really shook me. I started getting paranoid. I heard of rumours that two temp staff were coming in to replace "us". I was expecting myself to be the next to go. However, I was on leave on Wednesday, so I told my collegue to update me on any happenings.
Wednesday, a day of dust, noise and cool relief plus a blast of music finally came and went. The call never came, and I was surprised not to see my seat taken over by someone else. On the table, there was yet but another order form. God's really great at surprising me by placing order forms on my table and making sure thats the 1st thing I see on my table.
Still mentally preparing myself to be sacked, I called my agent to keep her prepared. I was surprised to hear that she doubted that I would be asked to leave and that there was no negative feedback about me. Wow.
Yet as the day passed, it was increasingly hard to focus..I was struggling and it seems like I was about to break.
I wish I could be fired yet ahead lies so many question marks.
God help me!
4 comments:
Don't worry .. will keep you in Prayer
whats meant to happen will happen;
whats not meant to happen won't;
but if you want something to happen, it will;
Do you want it?
(hehe maybe I should go into poetry some day)
on one hand, u want to get sacked on the other, u are afraid of getting sacked. same feeling here, the reason for the former is u dun like the job, the reason for the latter is becos of embrassment... well i dunnot abt u, but i felt that way when i worked in school during that time.
I'm not worried about being embarassed if I get sacked. Rather, I am afraid that I may have went again God's will once more, esp if its his will that I should stay.
Post a Comment