the fraserlogies of fraser

Fry-day

2010-10-15T14:24:00.005+08:00

This has got to be the hottest Friday of all the years I've lived in Singapore. As I look out of my office window- the sky is almost cloudless - something akin to the blue skies I would expect to see in Australia.

A quick glance at my phone states that the weather is expected to peak at 33 degrees today, hardly surprising considering the skies today, and in stark contrast with the comfortably cold office I am cooling off in.

I'm stealing some time off before I get down to the other things I have to settle today, including schoolwork. Our group based public relations project is due next week and that is one milestone I am looking forward to clear. I must confess that I cannot be considered a conscientious student this time round- I am still finding it rather hard to get moving as fast as I should.

This November will mark the third wedding I will attend this year, involving my friends who are of the same age. I am envious as much as I am happy for them. As much as I try to put up a nonchalent front and shrug off relationships as something that can wait, my heart is obviously saying otherwise. I've yet to event be involved romantically, let alone talk about setting up a family. I am hoping and praying to be able to embark upon the relationship of love soon.

As they say, love changes everything. Will it be a change for the better, or worse?

Have a sizzling day.

Its the thirteenth of October

2010-10-13T23:00:00.002+08:00

Time flies, and it's been more than a year since I've made any entries here. Given my long break, I'm starting to wonder if anyone would be catching up on today's post =D

Allow me to say that the past 12 months have been eventful- a new place to call home, a new job that I started this year, my graduation as a Dip student, and now, in the final lapse of my advanced dip course.

Yes, there are certainly moments of ups and downs, the stress brought about by deadlines, the anxiety of what to expect in the future, but the Lord has been most gracious and seen me through all my apprehensions. My church friends took time off their schedules and turned out in full force to help us move- something that took my pre-believing aunt by surprise. This will be an event I will always remember fondly.

I never considered myself as an academic-let alone the ability to do well for my studies. It was with much doubt and apprehension that I embarked upon this long-overdue course of study. Over the past months, I have forged precious friendships, learnt new things, and emerged more confident of myself.

"If the Lord leads you to it, He will bring you through it." This claim I hold close to me, even as I struggle against my inadequacies and put my best foot forward for the final laps of my current course.

Every job presents its set of challenges, and my current job requires of me to deal with people, to be answerable to a committee, and to deal with matters fairly and objectively. I shall not claim that I am the most patient person ever- in contrast, I must confess that my patience has been put to the test. In retrospect, this could be an opportunity for me to grow in patience and love for others. I am immensely thankful for the support and concern shown by my colleagues and bosses.

On this note, I shall end off this post, looking forward to a rewarding shower and a good night's sleep! You can expect more in the following posts. (:

the official.

2009-07-28T13:01:00.003+08:00

Finally, I managed to obtain a copy of the original floor plan- and as expected, I realised that my previous, self made drawing of the place was really out of scale. Well, here's a duper low res version of the plan. You can scroll down, view mine, and appreciate how out of proportion it was. Hah.

well, this just goes to show how original the house is, minus some minor additions in terms of cabinets, and the little touches that makes a house a home. At least my ID chums (you know who you are) and I have something official to work with!

I guess I'm gonna be emotional here by mentioning that I feel a slight tinge of sadness and perhaps nostalgia as I collected the floor plan today. In the past, this was always done by my dad. I would remember how he would religiously enlarge the floor plan and sketch the position of the furniture. As a child, I was fascinated. As a teenager, I would often counter-suggest the way the furniture was placed, and would even re-orientate the positioning in my room several times. As an adult, I guess I would say that this is a trait I would have inherited from both my parents- the habit of visualization and planning.

So much for the emotional segment of today's post. My project deadlines and exams are coming up faster than I think, and its time to floor the pedal!

Blessed week all of ya.

the most nerd post ever.

2009-07-26T22:04:00.003+08:00

To start with, I must admit that I am not a fan of public libraries. The one I have visited thus far (including the one near my place and the one located one train stop away) did nothing but impress me with faint traces of cooking fumes, a couple of noisy children and the occasional mobile phone going off. It was more of an amusement park where families would visit rather than a place suited for studying.

You will now understand why I was not exactly impressed when my classmates suggested that we head down to the National Library in town to work on our group assignment. As luck would have had it, I had the dubious honor of providing the directions to the library. And after what seemed like eternity we finally entered the lift that would take us up to the Lee Kong Chian Reference Library.

I was shocked to actually know that there was a security guard stationed at the entrance of the reference library. Apparently no folders of any kind were allowed, and one of my group mates nearly got stopped. Thankfully the folder contained nothing but her netbook, so in we went.

The first thing that struck me about the library was how completely silent it was. Away with the notions that people were generally born to talk. I was, on several locations, inclined to whisper to my group mates for fear of incurring the wrath of those who were deep into their research. The only audible sound(s) were the occasional shuffling feet and the symphony of laptop keyboards.

And blessed am I, that I found a very good reference book to start with. I typed till my fingers were sore and my laptop battery went flat. And then I copied furiously.

The reference library is indeed an interesting place to go. As I delved deeper into the book, I couldn't help but wish that I had made the choice to come here much earlier. There is so much to read, and learn.

Welcome to studying life Fraser.

(:

Monday!

2009-07-20T10:47:00.003+08:00

Its a start to a brand new week again.

I woke up several times last night, to the sounds of some stray cat mewing outside my room, my brother's alarm clock, and the flurry of activities associated with the morning rush hours. I finally woke up at nine-thirty. I hope my friends managed to catch a good rest and wake up on time today.

We had a crazy night celebrating a sister's 21st birthday. Somehow that venue is synonymous with 21st birthday parties. Yesterday's would have been the sixth or seventh I've attended. That few of us polar bears hid in a room, staying away from the crowd and heat outside and laughing our hearts out. What a nice way to spend a Sunday evening.

I was pleasantly surprised that M came up to me and spoke to me on Sunday morning. On a very frank note, I had made efforts to minimize interaction with him over the past one month. Predictably, M is always the gentleman that makes the first move, and he's proven it once again by coming up to speak to me. I'm glad we were able to share some pleasant moments and genuine smiles (:

M we should talk heart to heart soon. I guess we need to clear the air?

We ended off the day by heading down to the airport to receive our mission team. The ten days of hard labor showed on their faces (some of them were sick for a couple of days) but it seemed that nothing would dampen their cheerful spirit. I believe that God has used them mightily for His works.

We were on the way to the airport and we started chatting about ministry stuff, and one of the brothers casually mentioned on the topic of the PA ministry once more. I genuinely believe that his intent was to motivate us to be Christlike and loving towards one another.

All that I can say is that I felt misunderstood, and it certainly felt like a slap in the face. That was despite my knowledge of his good intentions. Internally, I was wondering if I was a complete communication failure or what.

I don't even know how to continue writing anymore, but in a nutshell I felt grossly condemned and misunderstood. I hope I will be able to express again that my concerns always revolved around the attitudes, and certainly not by the mistakes they made.

Right. It doesn't really matter now. I just had to express myself. And this wraps up my Monday post!

its a happy day.

2009-07-18T22:44:00.003+08:00

This is a fabulous day indeed.

I had a great time learning how to use ProTools at the school's radio unit, got to know my chums better, discovered that I loved the kway chap at the market near my new place...and...

Bro CS is coming back to Singapore in Feb next year! That's the ultimate cheer bringer man.

Even the three ulcers in my mouth aint gonna rob me of this joy right now. (:

So thank you Lord, for even using these seemingly "little" things to bring cheer when I was otherwise so emo over my studies and projects.

(:

thank you Lord for the house!

2009-07-18T17:59:00.004+08:00

It could be the fastest collective decision we could ever have made.

My previous entry stands testament to our positive sentiments on this lovely house we viewed on Thursday evening. Some twenty four hours later since we first stepped into the house, we were back in the same house again for the same reason, to issue our first cheque and make clear our intention of purchasing the house.

Thank you Lord then, for even making that 10K reduction off the sale price possible, and for even seeing to it that the financial considerations fits nicely to a tee. On the flip side, it was SO accurate that we've left with nothing to renovate the place, since my mom intends to have the entire affair possible without loans.

Both my mom and the agent we had engaged remarked that I must have prayed really hard- and without a doubt, I did pray that the house would be ours if He was willing. Last night, I prayed that the Lord would provide for us, and I received and invitation for a part time job (: I'm actually posting this to warm up my engine before I begin work on the document proper.

Ok, and here's the essential renovation works I would consider necessary for our new beloved house:

1. Kitchen
- Isolation from the house. There is a bar top counter and full height entrance to the kitchen. All these means that the cooking fumes will traverse to the rest of the house, so I will need to seal up the original entrance, demolish the bar counter, and place a glass wall cum glass door to allow sunlight from the balcony into the otherwise dark kitchen.

2. Electrical works
- Since the new glass wall will replace the original concrete wall that holds the existing light switches and power points, I will have to relocate them along the toilet wall. This will allow me to place my washing machine and clothes dryer outside the toilet, too.

3. Cabinetry works
- The kitchen cabinet and worktop could be reconfigured for better utilisation of space and storage. The fridge can be located nearer the entrance of the kitchen to allow for easy access.

4- Flooring works
-I've destroyed the kitchen tiles by removing the concrete wall and by re-doing the kitchen cabinet. I will need to have the wall and floor tiles redone. And these works affect a portion of the hall tiles, too.

5- Painting works. When all these is said and done, Id need painters (:

My desired reno list is actually longer than this but I feel that several others (air conditioning, replacement of flooring for living areas etc) could be done bit by bit later. The kitchen remains very much an important part of the home, and i feel that it'll be super inconvenient to hack the wall tiles and tear down walls the moment we move in! And so, the kitchen will have to be fixed.

And to help you appreciate my thoughts, here's a home made visual (:

God help us all.

its thursday already?

2009-07-16T22:24:00.002+08:00

Good grief. Time flies, and its already a Thursday before I know it.

We've just came back after a viewing another house that was up for sale today. This time round, Leon (my brother) was with us and almost instantly, I fell in love with the house. It has a north-south facing, with the windows opening to the North East direction (read: lots of wind), lovely laminate floorings for the bedrooms, a kitchen with a service counter- and lots of other elements that were rather appealing. I could see the smile on our faces as we left, and I hope and pray that the price will be in our favour so that it will be ours! And since its pretty nicely done up, there's less to renovate, which translates into less cost and time needed.

God I ask and pray that You would help us with this if its in Your will for us to have this lovely home.

We had a class debate on Tuesday, and as per the lecturer's direction, had representatives from two sections of the class- the newer ones like me, and others. I had the dubious honor of having my name on the roll, and trust me, I was super unprepared. I was jittery about losing all my points for class participation- the penalty IF we lost, but we had a great time which ended up in a draw. As a result, everyone was awarded the maximum points for class participation. And I am both encouraged to know that I am in the midst of very passionate and capable classmates. (:

I shall try to sleep soon cos I feel all out of place. My head's throbbing, and I have an ulcer attack. I'm not sure if this is because of the duper delicious Indon food I had the night before, but I was feeling wierd to begin with. There's a 6 hour intensive lecture tomorrow and I really need the strength and stamina to pay attention in class.

So there I go, anticipating a good night of rest. I'm so darn tired now, so please forgive the spelling errors- those that I've noticed, and those I've not.

Cheers.

monday blues

2009-07-13T19:51:00.002+08:00

Im hitting this post before settling down to shower and to ponder over information thats not related to school stuff- just for tonight. The last ten hours spent in school have left me severely craving for a respite from the crazy psychology lecture I had earlier.

The last week has seen some really interesting happenings. In the short span in between my posts, we (as a family) got down, listed criterias for our new house, and believe it or not, even decided on the colors of our rooms. I guess such things can still materialise regardless of the house that we end up with.

My mom and I concurred that we would not consider the second floor unit that I was rhapsodizing about in my previous post. This relevation sparked off a feverish search for a suitable apartment, of which is still ongoing until now. A few houses we shortlisted were really remote in location, not available for purchase by chinese, and more regrettably, taken right under our noses! There is a unit we're looking out for at Block 431, and we hope that the good Lord will allow us to have it. I'm secretly glad that my mom and brother are with me in this- believe me, I'm clueless about such stuff. Who wouldn't?

By the blessings of God, I was able to do well for my IPPT which was held on Saturday. In the course of the tests, my shoe soles came off, but held up till I finished my 2.4km run. I shall be sad to part with this pair of shoes of mine, which has been serving me well since 2003. I must have invited wierd stares with my severely deformed shoes while walking around IMM after that. As a bonus, I met this guy who reminds me of a pal in every aspect- age, appearance, mannerisms and almost everything. CS, I really hope you get to meet this guy!

And so today, I dragged my reluctant body out of bed at six thirty so that I could make it to the recording session for the school's radio unit, which is taken of by my class. This is the first time that I've been in a radio studio all my life, and I must say it was a very interesting experience. I want to thank all my new found friends, these bunch of massively talented people, who have made my learning journey a ver fun and exciting one.

Its not such a blue monday after all. Perhaps its just that I am looking forward to getting home and being confined within the blue walls of my room (:

Untitled

2009-07-08T21:21:00.003+08:00

When it rains, it storms.

No puns intended. This liner just illustrates how things can go wrong and really wrong. Like what happened today.

I decided to catch a nap last night so that I could wake up later, and catch MJ's memorial service that was scheduled to air at some ungodly 1.30am. I did wake up, although at 2.30am, wondering why I had no recollection of my alarm going off earlier, or of me waking up to turn off the alarm. I realised, within a few seconds, that I had forgotten to activate that blessed one time alarm after having modified the time.

Blunder #1: I went back to sleep, not knowing that that memorial service would last until 3.30am. Had I known, I would have just turned on the telly and watched the remains of the broadcast.

And so, having installed a new cable TV point in my room, I wasted no time in having my brother's PC record the encore broadcast that took place at 5.30pm. The darling tuition teacher decided to come early today and I had to set everything in a hurry to minimise any disruption. It wasn't a surprise then, that the broadcast recorded without the audio element. It was as good as the glorious days of silent TV, albeit rendered in all the wonders of HDTV.

Blunder #2: I deleted the entire recording and emptied the recycle bin.

So that was it. I never got to catch that memorial AT ALL. The little snippets of the service I found online, and while watching the news channel. All impressions were of Paris' emotional speech, as well as Mariah's and Trey Lorenz's rendition of the song, I'll be there.

So long, MJ. I wont be getting the DVD of your memorial service (if there's any to begin with) but I have a mind about including your magical, radical influence on the music scene in my upcoming project on performing arts. Would that be okay with you?

A close brother asked me about my love life. We have this mutual understanding with each other such that when he goes "so how?" I'll know that he's referring to my love life, or rather, the lack of it.

I'm really starting to wonder if I'm some social inadequate or what- I'm finding it progressively hard to socialise, and even approach that lady. This sounds really mushy, but for now, I'm content to be able to catch her smile and even talk to her occasionally-yeah!

And that's one thing that hasn't gone wrong (:

oh seven oh seven oh nine.

2009-07-07T10:06:00.003+08:00

Im remembering 7th July plainly because it happens to be the birthday of my two secondary school mates. At age 13, it's kinda amazing to learn that two people in the same class share the same birthday. At age 17, I stumbled upon that fact once more- that two of my classmates share the same birthday. What's more, I found a "twin sister" who was born in the same hospital, but a couple of hours earlier. (

Im taking some time off this somewhat cloudy Tuesday morning to pen this entry before I get some errands done and head off to school later. Its been an amazing six days spent in school thus far, with more blessings coming in the form of friends. Yet another two new friends were discovered yesterday, all thanks to the assignment of a three thousand word project. So with the four of us, I am sure that we could manage seven hundred and fifty words per person. Hah.

I find myself constantly praying for wisdom and discipline to handle the rigors of school life, and of course, in exhibiting Christlike behavior. Contrary to what some may think, I am not an exceptionally hardworking person, nor one that possesses great intelligence. Interestingly I find myself lost, to a certain extent, in the midst of lectures (read: Psychology) that demands a great amount of concentration, and prior reading. I am glad I'm realizing all these now than much later.

Of late, we've also been looking around for houses. I've got my eyes set on a 5room apartment thats not too far away from my current house. That makes moving a breeze, and with the fact that this owner is actually leaving all his furniture behind gives me that added advantage of having to move even less things. I love the inviting ambience and the fact that there's a big bedroom for Leon to have all his musical instruments in. For me, Id be content with the smaller room- it cools down way faster and is easier to co-ordinate given its squarish shape. HOWEVER its on the second floor, and I hope the study corner downstairs wont result in too much noise coming into the house at night. (:

Credit goes to iproperty.com for providing some visuals of this house...

its back to skool!

2009-07-03T23:39:00.002+08:00

Once again, I've fallen into the almost predictable sin of not updating this post regularly- so much that I had problems signing into Blogger.com and even loading the page that would have allowed me to pen this entry. I seriously hope my account hasn't fallen into the category of dormant. heh.

It seems only like yesterday that I experienced the sheer joy of knowing that I've been accepted into school and given the opportunity to read mass communications. It seems like hours ago when I checked out of the apartment room, ready to head back to Singapore after our church retreat- my last holiday before school begins. Now, I am typing this entry with a brand new identity- a 5 day old student in MDIS- still very much lost in transition and of course, excited at all that's gonna happen.

I must admit that I find it almost difficult to settle down in a brand new environment. The sight of many new faces and the unfamiliar environment certainly didnt help in easing my nervousness. I had a huge shock when I first stepped into class. I swear that there were more than fifty students- and it would seem that most of them were pretty well acquainted. I spent my maiden three hours wondering if I had entered the wrong class at all. Worse, I couldnt (and still cannot) make any sense out of that first lecture.

God works in mysterious ways indeed. He must have saw it important to attend to my social needs. On the second day, we were tasked with a short presentation of our cultures and religions. In that eventful day, I got acquainted with a group of nice Christian classmates, and we had tons of fun and laughs sharing all about the Christian Protestant faith the following day. It was a relief hearing others laugh, and being able to laugh along with the jokes, occasional blunders, and learn of other cultures. I have had the privilage of getting to know the class better on the third, fourth, and fifth day of lessons as well.

A big thank you to all of you who have shared my anxieties and nervousness. I appreciate your ears, prayers and concern for me. Its an ultimate blessing to have each and every of you journey with me, and I couldn't ask for anything more. (:

I must applaud my lecturers and some of my classmates for having the courage to share and present in front of a massive class. To date, I have yet to summon that amount of courage to be able to do anything like that. Our graduation project requires a presentation no shorter than three hundred seconds, and I am feeling the heat even as I work on it- since ideas are fresh and I could use the spare time to make changes along the way!

Of course, there are other areas in my life in which the good Lord has been dealing with me- and I am glad He is surfacing these issues one by one, and a little at a time. The past few weeks were chaotic and certainly painful, but the Lord has granted me immesurable grace and strengthened my faith even as I learn not to rely on my own will and strengths, but that of His to couragously battle the conflicts and pressures around me.

And this wraps up my long overdue post for today. There's a class outing planned on next thursday- and I can't wait! I'm sure it will be a great time.

Peace out.

Monday ramblings.

2009-05-11T23:06:00.005+08:00

We've a new addition to our family, Xiao Bai. Its a replacement unit for Xiao Hui, who's starting to get a little noisy after ten years of use. And that's Ah Kong KDK, our veteran blade spinner, on the extreme left, who weighs a ton and has been serving us (and is still is serving us) faithfully for close to twenty years. KDK makes lasting stuff indeed (the company has been around for a hundred years) and I'm sure Xiao Bai will continue the tradition of providing us with cool, quiet comfort.

Im on a spree to replace all my fans with KDK/ Panasonic ones when their time is up, because fans of the following brand have proven themselves worthy of the slogan "over the generations". No other brand I've used comes that close to offering that level of reliablity and peace of mind.

Xiao Bai's arrival did cause some complications, of which needs to be resolved. I am a tad crushed and disappointed that my good intentions seemed to have been received wrongly, but it shall not stop me from loving my family and contributing in whatever way I can.

And for those who seen the last post (which has since been removed) and were so forthcoming with your ears and kind words, thank you. I am so blessed indeed.

I shall end off this extremely short post on a happy note: I have been accepted into MDIS to pursue my dip. in Mass Comms! I'll be starting in end June- and thats enough to make me lose sleep for another week (albeit for a good reason) Hello Queenstown!

noed resarf.

hello may. goodbye april

2009-04-30T17:47:00.003+08:00

I'm simply typing this before working on a bunch of articles. With a frozen brain that is low on ideas and equally distracted by the time showing on the bottom right hand corner of the screen, its impossible to come up with any quality work right now. Nonetheless I'm writing this to gear up and hopefully at least plan the article or even invest quality thought on it.

I'm remotely thankful that tomorrow's a public holiday- that's just one more day of rest and attending to what needs to be done. Attending to what needs to be done these days seems more like an never-ending goal that I am still trying to fulfill. The later part of Tuesday was spent running around the entire island. But I did manage to submit my application for school, and the results should be made known by mid-may! The day ended with a meeting that ended at 12.30am. Good grief.

I should say that I am experiencing God in a very evident manner of late - the way of which everything seemed to fall into place is by no means a series of unplanned coincidences. So thank you Lord for taking care of these details (: And of course, a great thanks to all those who've heard my ramblings and have prayed for me.

Speaking of which I have been very challenged in the area of patience. One committee in which I am serving in requires me (or rather, us) to deal with a lady who isn't exactly the nicest of people. From my personal perspective, her fickle mindedness and inability to commit has brought forth much uncertainty and perhaps a certain degree of frustration to some of us. Notwithstanding I reckon its an opportunity for me to really trust and wait upon God for this; that His sovereignty holds.

Call it my hunch or what, I've a feeling I will learn loads about trusting God in the months to come, when I officially transit from the working world back into the life of a student.

I just realised the spell check isn't working because I discovered three typos earlier on and they weren't underlined in red as usual. They've been taken care of, so you shouldn't be spotting any from now (:

I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to the weekend and the outing to Marina Barage!

fras <--that's my fifth un-official nickname I've been referred to of late (:

With a little help from my friends

2009-04-27T23:33:00.001+08:00

What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key

Oh, I get by (the crazy day) with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high (doubling over in laughter) with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try (and be a better person) with a little help from my friends

And so indeed I got by the day with help from my dear friends, and of course God. I can't help but confess my off key mode over the past few days. Thanks for not walking out on me.

In particular, I was blessed with Psalms 27 and Psalms 28:

27:4
One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

27:14
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.

Im posting this here- and may this be a timely reminder for me always. Indeed, I've got son-shine, in my every-day!

Thanks folks. You're a great bunch indeed. (:

i am going bonkers

2009-04-27T14:36:00.002+08:00

I am going bonkers i am going bonkers I am going bonkers I am so going bonkers.

I have become so tired and I cant even sleep well anymore.

I'm sure every nanometre of what lies around me knows what I really don't like to do what I have to do now. There's so much work to do and there's so little time left. And I cannot OT because I have an important appointment later.

The days are getting draggy my patience is running shorter, and I feel like a time bomb approaching the nearing end.

UGH!

random weekend ramblings

2009-04-26T23:36:00.002+08:00

I am better, I felt. Or so I thought when I woke up early on a Saturday with a sense of purpose and expectancy.

It was one of those rare occasions where I could finally have breakfast with mom (Leon was unwell with a sore throat and high fever) and so we decided to take a walk down to the market to have some kway chap for breakfast. As we walked along, I dismissed the sharp pains in my stomach as the gastric acting up, and I assumed that it'll go once I had something to eat.

God knows how torturing it can be to sweat buckets because of the sheer pain. Our lovely breakfast date was punctuated, and eventually cut short by my frequent visits to the dumping ground. I should be awarded a Public Service Medal for the amount of seats I wiped clean with my own toilet tissue and for making the effort to flush properly.

I never loved my clean toilet and endless supply of toilet rolls more than before. And so after some time, we put it down to the tofu that tasted sour on Friday night. Being the only family member who ate it and the only one who suffered an extremely bad stomach, it wasn't that hard to figure the sad reasons behind my predicament. Just when I thought the worse was over, the alarm bells sounded as I was nearing church on saturday. It would be quite a sight to review the CCTV recordings of me running at top speed towards the loo.

The weather has really been trying and I am really thankful that it rained today. It was such a relief and I wasted no time in wasting it by sleeping in. It was all hot and muggy when I woke up, and thats the reason why Im awake typing all these when I should be asleep.

Finally, Im gonna register for school on Tuesday while attending the open house. I am both excited and nervous. I could shrug off exams, tutorials and presentations of the past, and they're literally my future right now. I guess all that matters is that I focus and do my best- but its all easier said than done!

Im quite tired right now, and a restful week's all that I look forward to right now- and I pray for a equally peaceful week for all of you!

peace,
noed resarf

the longest friday

2009-04-24T16:52:00.002+08:00

I can't believe it. Two posts in a day!

This has got to be the longest work week ever. Blame it on my fever- it begun with a headache on Friday that won't go away, amplified by the crazy weather on Saturday. And I was ultra sleepy on Sunday.

And so on Monday Mr Gastrics decided to pay me a visit- and I was curled up in a ball trying to ignore the pain in my tummy at the wee hours of Tuesday morning. I dragged my zombified body to the polyclinic, and put myself at risk of getting flu.

This has to be the draggiest fever though. I'm just thankful that it didn't explode above thirty-eight, and it kept me sleeping early for the past few days. 6.30pm feels like the end of the day for me, literally. I'm still aching all over and I do hope that this fever spell goes away soon.

Mr Toshiba has been keeping my family cool for the past few nights. Good grief- my air con is actually cool even with it set to twenty nine degrees. I'm glad I was able to sleep much better later on without it- all it had to do was to bring down the room temperature comfortably enough!

And so this is the end of a crazy, turbulent week. Ive never felt so hungry and cranky before in years. Add to that my emotional roller coaster ride, and you could say that it is indeed a memorable week.

There's always a silver lining though. I am grateful for God's faithfulness- and I believe that it was by His empowerment that I lasted through the week. Needless to say I am also heartened by those around me who have made this week less painful. Thank God for all of you!

wishing and hoping,
noed resarf.

psst.

2009-04-24T14:53:00.003+08:00

dear you,

I found myself on the wrong train. I boarded this train-feeling full of confidence and emotions which I thought would bring me safely to my destination- being your pride and joy, being your pillar of support, someone you could talk to and count on emotionally, spiritually, just as I would have found my solace in you.

Unfortunately dreams aren't the best source of fuel that hauls the trains across. I guess that is what's severely lacking in this case.

Forgive my fragile heart, and those incidences where I may have misled you, caused you much misery, or even given you the wrong impression. That's good enough to offset all the nights I spent thinking about you, attempts to strike a conversation with you, or even try not to show my nervousness in front of you.

Today, I have decided to alight this train. It sure did not lead me to my choice destination, but I am not wallowing in regret. If anything, I shall treasure those rare moments we got to know each other better. Thats a major consolation.

Let me not cross the platform and board the train that brings me back to where it all started. Let me just sit along the platform for the time being. Granted unless you are the right one for me, it remains best that I spend some time here, until the time is right.

okay?

its the 6th of april

2009-04-06T17:48:00.007+08:00

and so this date marks the beginning of yet another work week.

Sunday night was the first time in years I knocked out early, and really fell asleep within seconds of hitting the bed. Truth is, I haven't had this kind of feeling for a very long time, and I'm glad to have woken up on a monday morning feeling refreshed, albeit reluctantly so!

That wouldn't have been a surprise considering how I spent my weekends:

Sat morning: Reccee for my church's YA retreat

Sat evening: YA BBQ!

Sun morning: the usual sunday service, but with an added twist as part of the worship band that needed to come early.

There were two ongoing rehearsals after the service on Sunday, and I am so grateful to Arthur for taking over to facilitate the rehearsal for the skit to be performed on Good Friday, and to Andy and Candy for staying back and accompanying me for the rehearsal that lasted till 6pm. Thankfully I had friday to rest, and with this being a short week, I'm sure it won't be that difficult to manage. (:

I wasn't in the best of mood on Saturday, but the BBQ really perked up my spirits. I guess you could call it the highlight of the day! Kudos to Christine, Sarah, Samuel, Daniel and Shirley for their selfless efforts in organising this event. Our satisfaction is evident through the smile on our faces:

and thats me with a very bad hair day, and that explains the cap:

On a separate note, I just learnt that my dad has lost (or rather, experienced a loss) his hearing- and what can help him are hearing aids. In his brief letter to us yesterday, he also mentioned the potential loss of his job this year.

I'm lost for words right now. After almost a decade of him out of our lives and after picking up the pieces and moving on with my life, I'm not even sure how I should react to this. I'm not sure how I would react if I met him somewhere. I do, to a certain extent, feel sorry for him. But as much as I do, I know that its all in the hands of God- and in control.

me,

fraser

there is always more to it than meets the eye...

2009-04-02T15:24:00.005+08:00

(that's all of us at our third and most successful group shot for the night. And no, my eyes are not THAT small =p )

Ok I confess. Planning surprise birthday bashes is certainly not my area of expertise, or profession.

The brief was simple: to stage a surprise party for W and S. W is not supposed to know about the party at all. S knows of the party to be for W only. She does not know that we have a surprise in store for her, too!

It was pure madness right from the start. W spotted S, and spotted J and D soon after. That's like three out of the six "committee members". How splendid.

We had a really fun time hiding from W and his girlfriend, who happened to be part of the committee as well. To think that we had to spy at them across the street! The best part was that W innocently suggested a change of place to eat dinner. So, poor S (having been spotted by W earlier) had to queue up for a table for seven at Ichiban's. That's no easy feat and the poor lady stood in line for close to an hour! ):

Out of sheer desperation we had to attend to our hungry tummies by then, and fortunately, were able to get the couple down to where we were to present the surprise. It was at this moment that S realised that we haven't forgotten her at all (:

What a crazy night! Happy birthday, folks.

eardrops

2009-04-01T14:14:00.004+08:00

Thank God for ear drops, especially those that work.

Out of sheer desperation to end my pain and misery, I invested in a small bottle of magic solutions that claims to "soften ear waxes for easy removal". Complete with an ingenious drip that makes the recommended dosage of ten drops possible, it's indeed an unassuming package, with absolutely nothing to hint of the wonders it could have done for me.

For one I wasn't even certain that it would help- I was just taking this gamble on the pure assumption that it was something in the ear I had to clear, and not any underlying ear problem that I needed to seek medical help for.

And so I applied the ear drops, obediently stayed in position for five minutes as instructed, and resumed normal position in 6 minutes.

All the solution came out. Not what I've been wanting to clear, but the ten drops of liquid I placed in my ear. Thinking that it would need time to work, I tried to go to sleep.

It didn't work. Blame it on recurring insomnia problems or what, I just could get to sleep-it was a night of turning and tossing. At 2am, I had enough. I woke up, and applied another ten drops of the said solution in my ear.

At 3.30am it occurred to me that I could have been causing myself more harm by exceeding the dosage. Although there was no mention of any possible harm caused by overuse, I did recall seeing something about the product having a certain degree of side effect. And worse, the solution didn't come out when I flipped my head around this time round.

I am so in trouble, or so I thought. The incessant pain and crackling sounds in my ear made it impossible for me to sleep. I remember fervently praying and asking the Lord for mercy and not to take my hearing away. And throughout the entire sleepless night I was snapping my fingers to make sure I could still hear ):

And for those who're wondering why I am so sleepy today, you'd have a better idea now.

Fast forward to 8am and I drag my reluctant frame out of the bed, grab the ear digger and aim for that obstruction in the depths of my ear canal. You can imagine how relieved I was when I excavated tons of rubbish from that ear canal of mine. And almost instantly my hearing on the left ear was restored!

What remains to be fixed is the right ear, and I'm so looking forward to see to it the moment I get home. I'm certain I can go underwater with confidence now.

(: noed resarf

earth day, and then much more

2009-03-30T23:05:00.003+08:00

Last saturday marked Earth Hour in Singapore.

And as any law abiding citizen would have done, my entire family decided to participate in this global activity by turning off the lights for an hour.

It was unfortunate, though, that I decided to have my shower at 8.35pm. Not wanting to spoil this occasion, I fulfilled my daily activity without the lights on. And this was the only thing that was illuminated in the shower. I couldn't have turned it off, even if I wanted to.

It feels disorienting not being able to hear the clatter of my otherwise noisy keyboard as I pen this entry. Having taken the day off, I wasted no time in hitting the pool in the morning (believe me, that was my first quiet time spent by the pool), and later on, with Adrian and Samuel in the evening. The garang me decided to go really deep into the pool. Yes, I managed to sink to the bottom of the pool, but not before the pool water entered both my ears in rapid succession. Blame it on the buildup of the yucky stuff or what, I don't know. It will lead to an ear infection for sure, but I pray that it heals in time for Saturday!

I should try the tea that CH bought for me on Sunday-it was a pleasant surprise-that kind Godly brother had seen it fit to suggest that I try Green Tea with apple extracts to cure my recent bout of headache attacks. I'm really touched and surprised! CH, I owe you one. (:

This morning, Ben Oh shared some interesting insights about an educational path as offered by private institutions, and for that I am grateful. Most people, in my opinion, would be quick to shun private schools. But Ben advised otherwise, and I must admit that I never considered things from that perspective before. In my quiet time, I sincerely committed the whole plan to God, asking for strength and obedience to make the right, Godly choice. Co-incidental or not, I received an email from MDIS inviting me for their open day. I had a similar conversation with a concerned auntie today- and I am glad that I am not in this journey on my own.

This week's unbelievably crazy with the upcoming worship practice, reccee sessions, and the YA BBQ coming up. But boy, I am excited. And there's every reason to!

oh beloved mixwizard

2009-03-26T13:11:00.003+08:00

Oh mixwizard,

I could come up with, in a spur of the moment, ten reasons why you'd be the perfect addition to our humble gatherings at Level Three.

1. First and foremost, you belong here. You fit right into the space allocated for your kind. And you leave us space to place my monitoring headphones by the side.

2. Next up, you meet all our needs. I didnt have to hook up another mixer to accomoate the rest of the inputs. Sweet.

3. You take your job seriously, and your elder sibling has proven its prowress- limitless bandwidth, clear mixes, which translates into great sound! I can't imagine how much better you will sound.

4. Try as I may, I could never coax you into producing any form of feedback at all.

5. Your sweepable midrange allows me to boost as low as 35hz. That means I can now boost 45hz (for bass and the kick drums) and 50hz for the piano. Did I ever mention that you were always able to do them so well?

6. Despite your dimunitive dimensions, you're about the only lean machine that allows us to do grouping- a rarity in mixers of your class. Thanks to you, we can ride the band and vocal sections seperately.

7. You've a wealth of outputs- perfect for our setup that needs to cater for the needs of the cry room, the adjoining halls, and even the basement.

8. You've individual phantom powers for every channel- perfect because we dont have the luxury of many active DI boxes. Now, we're sending current to the right stuff, and sparing the vocalists from a shock should their lips decide to kiss the mic. Ewww...

9. You're simple - I'm sure the rest of the folks warmed up to you pretty quickly.

10. You're sorely missed by us all! We were all waiting for you to come back- but alas, you were already in the loving hands of someone else. Never had I had so many questions about you, in the likes of "Can we trade in our existing system for the loan set we have now? It sounds so much better!"

Unfortunately, you're elusive. You don't come cheap. At $2,500 thats just part of the equation, we'd need another sum of investment for a proper, healthy mate (power amplifier) that will bring out only the best, and keep you singing in the right tune.

So, pray tell, can you drop from heaven into our loving hands?

good riddance

2009-03-25T21:55:00.004+08:00

and so I received a very frantic call from my mom this evening, claiming that someone from my uniform group had called her and informed her about my non attendance at the recent recall. Having got the name and the number from her, I wasted no time in getting in touch with the division.

It appeared that I was "uncontactable". This is close to impossible, especially when I had updated them of my new number the moment it was changed, and confirmed the new number at the recent reporting excercise. One would wonder how they could find me uncontactable. I've been receiving calls and messages from others but them. Good riddance.

In any case I am SO paying them a visit on Friday to have this matter settled once and for all, and to present the medical certificate for, co-icidentally enough, the day the recall took place. As Adrian puts it, its certainly a blessing in disguise. I won't have wanted to return there when it is raining, not when Im having a hellofa headache.

Im gonna meet a client tomorrow to wrap up a project that's been dragging for months. I won't take delight in elaborating here, but I'm really praying and hoping that God will see this project through (aka no more nonsense or whatsoever) from the client anymore. It could be totally worse if not for the understanding , and loads of help from my boss and those I'm working with in this project.

In the meantime I'm so in need of help for scores- will some kind soul who has scoresheet for Don Moen's songs please stand up?

Till then,

noed resarf

the return of the prodigal writer

2009-03-24T21:20:00.007+08:00

for those of you who thought that this blog was deserted for good, I forgive you. Who's gonna think otherwise when the latest entry was in Jan 2009? Its really been some time.

Perhaps I should stick to the winning formula of writing short and sweet posts consistently as opposed to the oh-so-long entries that I never fail to pen. (especially the comeback posts) But then again there is so much to share here...

and I shall start off with the recent night cycling trip I had! We started about 9pm and ended at 6.30am the next day. I came down with flu on the very same day, but miraculously that wasn't enough to stop me from having fun.

Here's me taken along the route to Fengshan for bak chor mee! And the green in my bag pocket isnt a water bottle.

Next up, here's all of us at the Changi boardwalk, on our way to Changi village for our second supper stop!As you can see all of us look quite fresh. This wasnt certainly what we were looking at after the end of it...but the time of fellowship was priceless. Then again I'm greatly blessed to have these bunch of buddies, and many more not captured here!

If there was anything personal I gained from this trip, it had to be the stress relief that the immense amount of cycling provided. It wouldnt take a genius to figure that I'm mentally, physcially and emotionally stretched as we speak.

The past few months have firmed my decision to further my studies and I've set my eyes on a mass communications course, through the polytechnics. Fact is, I applied way too late- only in end Feb when the closing date was on Jan 16th! So it would mean that I will have to try again next year, or pursue a faster route through MDIS.

MDIS, being a private school evokes waves of concern within me, and for one, the recognition of the certifications. I would be hesitant to embark myself on a course of study that won't bring me anywhere, especially when Civil Service is concerned. However, this seems like the only open door now, and I'm praying hard and seeking a confirmation if this should be the direction I should be taking.

I'll be joining the ranks of the unemployed in end May 2009. Having decided to pursue my education, I tendered my resignation yesterday. It wasnt an easy process though- and I was contemplating tearing the letter on a couple of occasions. Its not easy to do such a thing when your boss is a dear friend of yours, and what needs to be done has to be done. These weren't exactly easy to bear...emotions isnt something I deal with very well, and I was already feeling sore from all the rejections that I had faced earlier though.

If anything, Im grateful for all the concern, timely advice, support and encouragement offered to me from all around- they contain useful perspective and opinions that helped in making better decisions. Worth of special mention is my dear mom, who pledged her full (financial and emotional support) for me. She's been a great listener and advisor in these few months...way to go, mom!

And this ends my super long post for now! Finally.

2009

2009-01-15T16:19:00.000+08:00

Okay, so this is my long overdue first post for the year 2009. For those of you who were waiting, holding on to, expecting, and anticipating updates to this little space: thanks for holding on. Here we go again...

I had originally intended to update my blog after I returned from Australia last year, but as they say, you need a holiday to recover from your holiday. Yeps, it being Australia, was way much colder, taking into consideration that it rained close to seven days out of the nine days we were there. Still, I’m sure my lungs never felt better with that fresh air I revelled in while in there. More about that in a separate post, perhaps.

I shall begin this post proper by sharing some resolutions for this year. So keep me in check alright? I won’t really mind if you hit me with a sledgehammer if I fail to work on these resolutions...

1. To work on my temper. Fine, I’m not exactly that explosive, and in the words of many people, I’ve toned down a lot in the last few years. Maybe it’s the age factor that prevents you from your explosive instincts. I’d say it’s the grace of God.
I just want to stop feeling irritated at what certain people can do, like hog the right lane of the escalators when the train is coming, (trust me, I wish I had a stone and a catapult in hand) behave in manners in which you see no logic to, like cutting queues, or making excessive noise, and in that make a spectacle of themselves. Irritation breeds anger, and this is what I have the rest of this year (and perhaps my lifetime) to work on.

2. To be more careful with my spending. You would have realised that I used the term “more careful”. In all honesty I don’t see myself as a compulsive or impulsive shopper, but I could certainly work on being prudent (read: less cab rides, less indulgence on CDs and magazines, and things I can do without). My family has plans to relocate, and I do want to be able to help my mom with the finances. To furnish a bedroom would set us back by a grand already!

3. To love somebody. I’ll be frank. I’m jealous of my attached friends, and it both encourages and discourages me when people wonder aloud why I am not attached yet. To think I can be perceived as “qualified” and “eligible” but not there yet.
Nonetheless, I am not going to get attached for the sake of losing my singlehood. I want to be in a relationship because I want to learn to give, and to love another romantically. That was my birthday wish last year, and it would be a major bonus if I could be blessed with the realisation of this wish, this year.
Psst. Works in progress, yeah!

4. To learn and play a musical instrument. With the arrival of a musically inclined brother and with the blessings of God, my house is, over the past four years, progressively transforming into the likes Swee Lee Music. Throw in a keyboard (the Korg PA-50 perhaps?), an electrical guitar, and a drum set, plus the people, and we’d have a full band already. My mom aims for a house with “that extra room” for my brother and I to transform into a music room or something. Thanks mom =). With all these incentives coming my way (and to really challenge myself) it’s hard not to be tempted!
In particular, I pray for the ability to master the bass guitar- and be able to serve back in church. As a pledge, I’ve just invested in a guide book for that four stringed instrument yesterday. Music lovers and gurus, please be patient with me!
Okay, so you’ve heard from me with regard to my four resolutions. I’ve an inkling there are more... oh yes there is just one more!

5. To run a marathon this year. 10k, 21k, 42k. The distance doesn’t matter, it’s just something I’ve wanted to do so badly not as a means of self gratification, but once again, to test my limits. And to those of you, who think that this quest is going to be dovey easy for me, think again. I’ve just recovered well enough from a leg injury and I might just end up crawling, not running to the finish line.

Any interested buddies?

On top of this five- there’s so much I want to do this year, including going back to school, a year end trip to the States, being a more efficient worker at work, and that much coveted pass for my IPPT test.

Come 2009, I do hope I’ll be a better person for the sake of myself, and those around me. So partner me as I grow and mature. In the meantime- thanks for being a blessing- and have a sizzling year ahead!

What makes your dream house?

2008-11-16T21:20:00.003+08:00

I'm sure many of us have had plans, ideas and fantasies for our homes of now, and of the future. We'd want a certain theme, setting, mood and feel for it. We'd probably spend lots of time, effort (and even money) to source for, and find the best for our homes. We'd paint it up with our favorite colors and spice it up with little quirky items here and there.

I'm on this note since we're looking forward to moving out of this house and into a new one, and I am certainly excited. And of course, I've begun looking around for the theme I would like for my new home.

I was of the opinion that beautiful home would make the occupants happy, and bring a family closer together, until yesterday. It was a cool Saturday as I made my way to a couple's house for a time of sharing.

It was my first time to their house, so I was naturally excited to appreciate and experience the way families would normally do up their homes- and I thought it would be able to provide me with some pointers and ideas for the planning of my new place.

I went home that day with a drastically altered perception, yet with an enlightened heart. This couple in concern didn't have the most spectacular place to call home. The perfectionist streak in me could go on and list what would have, and could have been done but I shall not. They weren't living lavish lives, yet were comfortable, contented, and full of love. This was evident in their interactions with one another, their body language, and in everything they did.

It brings me to recall the times I snapped at my family members because I felt that they refused to help me in cleaning the place (I'm a clean freak), or didnt exercise any effort in keeping the place as clean as possible(I'm a clean freak) or my poor brother who bears the brunt of my frustration when he isnt tidy enough for my liking (I'm a neat freak). All these had accumulated much frustration within me and added much un-needed tension within all of us at home. And I thought I was doing all these so that a clean house will bring us happiness, time together, and not to mention, healthier noses.

Not that it didn't, but I guess my approach was far from ideal.

I tried to stay away from cleaning up today, but ended up doing some minor housekeeping, but with a heart of love instead. Lo, my mood was much lighter and I was certainly taking everything on a lighter note.

The brief for my new house? Easy to maintain, so its less of a hassle for all of us! I'll so miss my idea of an art-gallery based home for sure. But the tradeoff is worth it, as long I as I don't suffer from a heart attack again.

as the dawn of weekend approaches...

2008-11-15T09:41:00.000+08:00

Today is A Friday. Hooray! I made it to provide an update within two days of my previous entry.

Before I forget, let me shout out a birthday wish to Ben (13^th) and Alan (14^th).

I’m sitting in my mom’s office entering this post after a spending half a day helping her to run her school concert. Finally after days of preparation, sweat and much stress, everything fell into place by the grace of God. True, there’s much room for improvement, but I do feel that everybody involved put in their best for today. There was marked improvement exhibited by every performing group. And these are primary school kids who have invested much time and effort into putting up a grand show for today!

The major bonus is of course, to be able to forge new friendship, and bonds with those I worked with for this project. Naturally speaking my brother Leon was part of this project too. My mom sure activated all the resources that she had!

After having hung around a school environment for days, I’ve realised I do miss my school days: The days of innocence, where everything begun and ended with the signalling of a bell, and we went gaga over simple things like the Pilot pen, erasers of every country we would buy (not to use, but to play with) and the talks of hanging out at the nearest shopping centre after school. Then, Thomson Shopping Centre and Junction 8 were the coolest places in our little world.

Then as we grew up, we learnt more about friendship, politics, fell in and out with ourselves, and learnt to be more careful with choices. We learnt about relationships I still can’t believe I had my first experience at Primary 5. Predictably, it didn’t last. We chose to end the relationship because, uhm, we ended up in different secondary schools. Right.

The most memorable relationship I had was in Sec 2. I tried so hard to chase this girl, got her at last (with a little help from my friends of course) and then broke up over some silly issue. We fought and quarrelled a lot, but we knew that this relationship was one to remember with sweetness. Almost ten years later, we’re still in contact. I dare say we’ve really made our marks on one another.

Ah, puppy love.

I feel really old to be turning another year older in a couple of days. It really rocks knowing that you can’t even earn yourself a green note for change when you tender red notes.

As I approach this magical age I’m looking forward to be blessed with a partner. Not for the sake of status, but one that I can grow and mature with, and experience things together. Above all Id like to know what it is really like to love somebody.

Funny post? Yep, attribute that to a really tired me. But hey, I mean every word I say here!

“Attention, its time to dance”

midweek ramblings

2008-11-12T12:29:00.001+08:00

Time flies. It’s midweek already! And I’ve missed the Tuesday deadline which keeps me in line with my goal of updating this place every two weeks.

It’s a sweltering Wednesday as I pen this. So much for telling Meida that the weather’s turning for the better- it decided to prove itself otherwise. The searing morning heat, although uncomfortable, was a welcome change for the sake of the laundry just hung up the night before!

Notwithstanding the weather of 18-22degrees in Hong Kong sounds like something I could look forward to. For the sake of the bills and environmental concerns, I shall not attempt to replicate that kind of temperature in my office.

I am pleased to announce that there are ZERO casualties from my gardening attempt-not bad, considering that 8 pots were changed, along with the soil and what not. Perhaps four days is too short a period of time. Those gardening pundits might agree.

On another note, the camera I’ve always wanted to buy, the Panasonic FX38, is now more affordable to me at $480. That’s a lot closer to the $400 I’ve set aside so far as compared to the original retail price of $549! That said I might need my mom’s help in chipping in for the mini tripod and extra battery pack (:

I’m glad to have finally expressed my frustrations over the PA ministry in church to the head honcho who has always been very patient and supportive, while keeping me in check. Once, I thought things were not going to move, but finally, the wheels are grinding. Boy, I am glad! Prayer moves mountains.

Monday morning’s storm proved to be a disaster: I left for work early and ended up soaking wet and dripping. Seriously, it was flooding all over Ang Mo Kio! Every sheltered walkway, a supposed blessing, ended up as wading pools that many disgruntled residents like me had to deal with.

And then there was this bird brained driver who cut into the sheltered walkway as I was crossing halfway. AND because she stopped right smack in the middle, blocking the way, I just looked at her. She just waved an apology, and that’s it!

So, I had to step out of the shelter and get myself very wet in the process. Mind you, she wasn’t waiting for anybody, and I thought that she should have reversed a little, and come in later. She was depriving us (the pedestrians) the use of the shelter, for in my opinion, her selfish little convenience.

I was close to asking her if she would bother to send me to the MRT station since I was already soaking wet. All she could offer was another feeble wave of apology. What an imbecile.

At that point I swore to myself that I’d never be that idiotic as that woman. Later I was on the train, furious, wet and angry. I was asking myself if there was anything to be thankful for, and somehow I managed to come up with this feeble list.

My train gets me out of the rain
I could have slipped and fell with all the water around, but I didn’t
Despite my encounter with the bird brained driver I still boarded the train in one piece.
The crazy storm didn’t stop the train from getting me to work anyway.

And so I was momentarily consoled till I alighted. And there, again, was a heavy storm for me to counter. I swear I was really soaking as I was nearing the office. Then some taxi driver decided that my morning shower wasn’t enough, apparently. And I got even wetter, from crown to feet!

Another learning point: I’d be dammed if I sped on a rainy day and got some pedestrian soaking wet because of my lack of consideration. Ugh.

And for some major reliefs: I am thankful that my leave on Thursday and Friday is approved so that I can help my mother with her graduation concert and prize giving ceremony. The last I heard, the recent rehearsal had tons of room for improvement.

So that’s my major consolation for the week, besides the fact that we met up with two nice clients over the two days, which helped in chasing the overcast clouds away. And with that, I end my midweek entry!

10 days away...

2008-11-09T17:53:00.001+08:00

An eventful Saturday and a refreshing Sunday service later, (not to mention an equally blissful nap as well), I'm listening to the tunes of Beauty & The Beast being played on the piano as I type this. Leon (my brother) is playing the song for his school recital and has been working extremely hard on the piece. I'm almost hearing the fluidity in the piece as he nears the corner of perfection in playing this beautiful piece.

Finally, after three working days, I've gotten my phone back after having it checked in for service. I must say its time to get used to this phone again- I was missing the small buttons, the decent in-built camera, and the authorative audio quality for some time! When Leon checked in his phone for repair a month ago, it took three weeks to repair. (Well, he's not complaining cos they replaced the entire phone!)

I'm almost itching away as I type this. I spent the Saturday afternoon cleaning up, and decided to work on the garden since all my plants were outgrowing their pots, and uhm, obviously not growing anymore. One change led to another in rapid sucession, and I ended up changing at least 8 pots,including the soil, potting mix, and supports for the plants. As expected, I was jumped upon my spiders, bitten by wierdest stuff in inconvenient locations, while adding more strain to my already not-functioning-so-well left leg. It took four hours-but it was worth it! My garden looks much better now. Note: its a garden and not a jungle.

One incident that really tickled me was my neighbour's shocked reaction to the creepers I had tried to grow outside my window ledge. I didnt invest in poles of any sorts, so they were left dangling haphazardly over the ledges.

Kelvin walked over, greeted me, took a glance at my creepers, and asked incredulously: "What's that?!"

I got the hint. I cut it off shortly. It was indeed something to do away with; not growing well and certainly not working wonders for the aesthetics of the garden. My mom had a good laugh: she had been wanting to tell me to cut them off as well!

I wonder how many times my Maker had to apply the same treatment on me, taking care of me in various way, changing my pot when I grew, making sure that the soil wasnt muddy, infested by wierd stuff or bad in any way so I could grow even more, or perhaps feeling sad when I chose not to grow, or worse, even wither away. I thank God for not having my patience (read: no patience) and for having tended to each of us so selflessly and tirelessly.

Like how I hope my plants will flourish and grow after the investment of time and effort, I'm sure God is hoping and awaiting the same for me.

Geez. God works in wonderful ways. He can even make use of this seemingly mundane activity to teach, and impress upon me certain things.

And with that, I end my Sunday post.

Traffic Lights

2008-11-07T23:19:00.000+08:00

So here I am again within two days of my previous post, as part as my efforts to keep this blog as alive as possible, and to spare myself the process of having to summarise everything like what I did in my last post. (to my own surprise, actually)

Friday nights are supposed to be light and happy. Not today. I fell ill on Monday, was coughing through the week, and dragged my heavy bag and aching body back from work today.

Not that it was a bad day at work, though. I just decided to rest well since I'd be needed for worship practice tomorrow. After dinner, a little housework and an enjoyable time with my brother Leon, I sit here ready to end my day after this post.

Why the post title? I feel that once again, God seems to be beaming His red traffic light in front of me. By that, He is once more asking me to entrust all of my cares unto Him.

Goodnight.

That's quite a lot, actually. I've been so caught up in planning for this and that, being worried for the wrong reasons and causing much damage to myself when I had an easier option- to submit all these in prayer.

God, like my driving instructor, seems to have pulled up the emergency handbrake, drawing me to a screeching stop, and prompting me to cast my cares upon Him.

How foolish I've been indeed. Little wonder why I'm burnt out and frustrated just about everything.

Lord, if there's one thing that I ask for today, that would be the FAITH to depend on You and commit everything I am doing, or undergoing, into hands. Amen.

I'm still very much alive, thanks.

2008-11-05T12:52:00.003+08:00

It must have been light years since I’ve last visited this little online adobe myself, let alone make efforts to post anything on it. And for those who have been nudging me to update this blog, here’s a little reward for your patience!

Stumbling through the cobwebs, droppings and stale air, I throw the windows open, flinch at the amount of sunlight coming through and begin my entry.

As I pen this, I bemoan the fact that I’m turning 26 this month, still single and making my way up that proverbial shelf on the wall, and not getting more handsome...NAH….Godliness with content is great gain!

So much has happened in the past few months that it’s almost impossible for me to list them in chronological order. For the sake of your sanity, I shall demarcate, and shed light on the more significant ones.

a. Love Life.

The last I shared, there was this sister in Christ I was praying for. I’m glad I’ve finally made known my feelings to her, and though it was tough accepting the fact that we could not be together, I delight in the fact that we did not wreck our already close friendship, and I will still love her as a dear sister.

It wasn’t easy. I remember the night I learnt that she was exploring another path with another gentleman. I remembered - the wallpaper on her laptop were obvious tell tale signs. I almost cried.

But it’s fine now, that I’ve gotten over the hurt and rejection. I’m enjoying my singlehood as of now, and waiting upon the Lord. In the meantime, I’m actually actively seeking the Lord. My heartstrings have been tugged once again.

A shout out to all those who have expressed their care and concern: I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

b. Walk with God

The Lord has used this incident to encourage me, and prod me in the direction seeking Him actively-even as I was hurting over this. He has, in many ways, brought me in broken-ness and hurt before Him, allowing me to experience His inconceivable, gracious love. For that I’m thankful.

It’s been a positive experience spending quality time with Him and I look forward to growing and maturing. Its all easier said than done, though. The battles of the men (outer, and spirit man) are strong, and my strong reaction to “injustice” gets in the way of me responding in a biblical manner to the many struggles I face.

I can only look to Him for faith, courage and assurance as I press on.

c. Ministry Life.

I’ve have had the pleasure of meeting several nice folks in the course of serving in the PA ministry as a wedding and event technician at church. Several of these acquaintances have become friends, and one couple has even introduced me to rock climbing (thanks guys, I’ll see you in three months!) and I’m thankful for these friends and family in Christ that God has placed into my life.

At times I feel burdened, worn out and tired. It’s can be a challenge availing yourself for rehearsals, events and being involved in other activities where humanly speaking, the time could have been better spent on sleeping, and other affairs you may have to attend to. Yet I’m always reminded that this is a God given gift- and if need be, I should endeavour to bless with what He has so graciously provided me with.

God takes care of this aspect too. It brings a smile to my face when I recall that the bus to church always appears in no time (when I am on duty), and He sends people to send me home (when I make the effort to facilitate rehearsals and stuff) and for an understanding family who doesn’t moan about my often disappearances from home.

Enough of the rosy part. I feel extremely challenged working with people who, in my opinion, lack initiative, responsibility and urgency. I am, on many occasions, tempted to ask them to “wake up their ideas” and “get their act together” when they fail to notice things. Mind you, this is an I/C I’m referring to. I’ve always held on to the opinion that I/C’s should set a good example.

I’m frustrated because all these negative feedbacks come to me (and I’ve long passed the baton, mind you) and not to the I/C. My guess is that they’ve tried, but it has all come back to them void. So, they’ve reverted to telling me.

And since this is my personal blog, I spare no qualms in telling you that I feel exactly like the ex Prime Minister of a certain country, who is probably regretting passing on the baton to his successor. I alternate between wanting to throw my hands up in the air, and giving the person concerned a piece of my mind.

Enough is enough!

d. Work Life

Let me begin this post by thanking God for S and P, my great bosses, colleagues and family in Christ, who have offered their ears, sane advice and helping hands in time of need.

There comes a point of time when you feel stagnant, un-needed and thoroughly unmotivated. Then, you start wondering if you should move. You get held back my emotions and uncertainty, and then your work performance suffers. You keep asking yourself why you’re in this place yadda yadda.

That was me.

If I did not have bosses who possess great faith in me, I would have joined the ranks of the ever increasing population of unemployed individuals as I type this. But I’m not. They understood my concerns, fears and struggles and were very gracious with me.

I was presented with an open door (an events company) and decided to pay the chaps to have a feel and learn more. I went with an open heart, and decided that this was pretty much a closed door for me. If I had to make a choice, I choose to grow this company with S and P, no matter which division I end up in. Enough said.

The road ahead is exciting and I can only look forward in anticipation. Then again, I feel God’s prompting for me to rise up- and fulfill His purpose in where He has placed me, and in contributing to our corporate vision of growing His Kingdom!

Other personal affairs; the final point.

e. Sporting activities

I’m missing climbing for some time (3 months actually) because of a long term injury that was awakened recently. Its pretty humbling not being able to walk as briskly as I used to without experiencing sharp pains in my leg, and I now am able to empathize with other individuals who get shooed out of the way by impatient folks like me. So much for rushing into getting back into action! I’ve actually caused more damage to my already busted leg. =(

I went back to the walls yesterday to return a loaned harness to a friend, and was sour having to walk away without giving a shot at the walls. It was a terrible feeling.

Randy and Desiree, if you’re reading this, I won’t be able to have fun defying gravity with you for some time. Let me heal and I’ll see yer there in three months max!

On the other hand, cycling and running don’t seem to invoke much pain and damage (as far as I’ve observed) so I shall be catching up on these activities in the interim.

f. Year end plans.

Leon’s musical performance is slated to take place on the 23rd Nov. A few days away from us turning older, and I hope I can be there to catch his performance.

My mom’s school performance is really round the corner, and while I’m a little stressed, I’m looking forward to making this an event a memorable one, and an opportunity to lay my hands on her new sound system! =)

December beckons, and so draws near my much anticipated trip to Melbourne. My cousin’s getting married and I’m looking forward to be part of this chapter of her life albeit in a different setting altogether. This should serve as the perfect wrap up for 2008, and a perfect time for my family to bond and catch up with old friends residing down under.

And so, wraps up another long post from noed resarf. Guten tag!

looking forward...

2008-06-06T13:32:00.000+08:00

As I pen this entry my hands are certainly shivering no more, but its the upper torso that's aching away and that little open wound on my elbow that's causing me much sleepless nights (not being able to sleep in my fav position, where the breeze from my fan caresses my face). I guess the old adage is true. No pain no gain! Pain aside, I'm certainly feeling more energized, and somewhat healthier.

I've come to realise that there is so much to look forward to in the next few months. For one, my boss has shared with us his heartbeat for the next financial year, and the vision he has for us. His energy is infectious- I'm both grateful for, and motivated by his sharing.

The PA ministry is growing well, and I foresee more growth and developments coming our way. Praise God for all He has been doing for the ministry thus far, and all that He will be doing. I pray that He will continue to transform our lives even as we serve in worship.

There's always the church retreat to look forward to. God knows I don't really fancy ferry rides, but I am confident it will be a good time to relax and to recharge! I'm really looking forward to it..

And most importantly, there's this very special person I've been waiting and praying for. In the right time, may the Lord help me be bold! And, special folks have returned from overseas too and I'm so looking forward to catching up with them.

Moving forward requires changes. I realise that I haven't been the most dilligent or efficient worker at my workplace- far from what I can be. It remains my prayer that I may really honor Col 3:23 to bless the organisation and honor God with my work ethics.

I'd like to thank the brothers who have been sharing their lives with me. I've have had the joy of being able to share their concerns and journey with them through this period of time. Guys, keep in touch with God and lean on His wisdom and understanding. And to a special couple ACCA who have shared their concerns with me, I'll remember you in thoughts and prayers! For that special sister who just started work, know that the Lord is faithful and He creates and sustains with wisdom.

My divine petitions go out for you, and you, and you.

The climb of faith

2008-06-04T15:33:00.001+08:00

My hands are shivering as I'm typing this entry. No, it isn't the freezing temperatures in the office, but by the virtue that I've not excercised for a long time! (and just did so yesterday)

On this note I'd like to share that I've taken up rock climbing just-for-the-fun-of-it. I'm nowhere near professional, and that will have to wait till later. It all started when I did PA for this nice chap's wedding, who subsequently invited me up the pirate's ship. Having done reasonably well for the first session, I was sold.

I guess that's less reason for me to whine about my lack of bulk and light weight. So that I can spend less effort hauling myself upwards? If that's the case, thank God for my relatively lanky frame, too.

Being up almost four to five metres is a pretty refreshing experience, till you realise all that's holding you is a rope, in the hands of a belayer (that's the person who holds your rope down there, and pulls in your rope slack as you advance upwards, then releases the rope bit by bit when you've reached the peak).

I never realised I could place my life in the complete hands of another stranger, (not that Jacob's one, but I havent known him long enough then) but that reminded me about my faith in the Lord, to be my solid Rock (what I hold on to on the feaure wall) and my dependable Belayer.

Over time, I've placed more trust in my belayers as I advance up more difficult walls. I took a couple of near falls when I slipped off the walls yesterday, but thanks to my trustable pals, I was not harmed other than my heart missing a beat or two.

Which convicts me of my lack of faith in God sometimes, which is very much a recurring issue and something I have to work on. Its not that easy to remember that God is ever there and ever dependable no matter what hits the fan.

As a novice belayer- it rocks to know that people are entrusting their lives on you. Someday, I hope to really be able to trust God with mine- without any doubts.

For the record, rock climbing is fun!

peace out,
fraser

it was supposed to be...

2008-05-30T11:07:00.000+08:00

It was supposed to be a happy day today.

I remember how we celebrated our birthdays. We’d have lovely cakes, family gatherings, and a simple meal then.

I’d remember the excitement and the special attention we’d shower on one another to make each other feel special. I remember, with a smile, how I insisted on going to Lau Pa Sat to celebrate your birthday- you agreed although Lau Pa Sat was the hardest place to park your car in back then.

Today is your birthday. I wonder how it must have been like to celebrate your birthday for the past eight years, without the usual faces and usual practices. Are you having fun?

I feel a tinge of regret, yet detect a faint trace of mockery in myself as I pen this entry. Are you happy where you are now? Did the second step of faith lift you up, only to send you tumbling down greater depths? Do you ever regret and reminisce, I wonder.

I don't feel good remembering your birthday and not doing anything about it.

You came into my life and you left, leaving in us too much emotional entanglements and bitterness. I’ve moved on, I’ve stopped hating, and I still remember you once in a while.

Happy birthday Dad. God bless.

Bleeding.

2008-05-22T11:23:00.000+08:00

My heart bleeds for you. It aches for you, yearns for you, and overwhelms for you to the extent where I can continue no more.

Try as I might I dare not reveal myself. Will this be a slippery slope down to insanity? What ifs. So much doubts fill my mind, cloud my vision. What ifs.

The possible repercussions fill my mind. Like a playwright I rehearse the scenes over and over in my mind. Ending A? Cut. Ending B? Cut.

The final act is over. The lights are dimmed, and I take a bow. The curtains come down.

I must be objective, I tell myself. Let's do it the right way. Let's not rush into things. Let's take it step by step, I hear myself say.

Yet none of these help to suppress the overflowing emotions within me, nor give me a clear direction. I feel like a fool babbling away into nothingness.

O the times I spent thinking about it, pondering, thinking. The times I prayed about it, and felt peace. Then again...my heart's crippled by the veins I keep on closing.

i is puzzled.

2008-03-31T12:25:00.000+08:00

Dearest all,

I hope this note finds you well.

The abovementioned sentence has been such a part of my life for the past almost-2-years-to-be that I find myself using this line in church, private emails, messages and even hand-written notes.

Before I forget, blessed birthday to wwxd! God bless loads =)

It just occured to me that I’ve been with DC Samuel for almost two years. That, to me, was almost an impossible feat. (With 6 months the maximum duration I’d stay for any job) All this has changed drastically since I joined this team. (上贼船了) For once, I’ve experienced the goody old feeling that sense of ownership and belonging to an organisation! Thank God for His provision and blessing in every area.

Additionally, my smokin’ HP desktop at home decided to transmit its parting note via the means of a burnt 1GB RAM module, and simulating a temple like environment in my room on Friday night with the smoke and smells. Thankfully, it has been given a new lease of life by Mr and Mrs Ng, who have kindly blessed me with replacement parts. Count my blessings indeed- this was something much unexpected and something I am really grateful for.

What’s left is probably a decent casing and a stable power supply. To those who are really well versed in all this, I’d appreciate your kind advice yeah! =)

Love life wise, I’m stuck. Following my previous post I had people asking me about who that mysterious lady was, and all sorts of questions entailed.

For those who may know- good for you- for your ears only. For those who don’t know, great- cos I’m praying about it (struggling would be a better word). It pains me cos I do miss her (much more today), and I’m trying to balance waiting on the Lord, and just doing what my gut feeling tells me. Ugh. I’m stuck between telling her how I really feel about her, and being sensitive to her feelings lest I distract her.

So how?

I’ll end of this post with this ambiguous note.

Tatas.

revisitations of fraserlogy

2008-03-06T14:57:00.000+08:00

I AM BACK.

I see tons of cobwebs, lizard droppings and dust in here. The air smells musty, its certainly time to open the windows and open up.

I'm here again cos so many things have happened recently and it'll be a good idea for me to be able to pen it down, digest it and see my life in better perspective. Perhaps I wont be so influenced by my own mindset after all..

For one I have been relatively busy. Work's getting challenging (not that it's a bad thing) and as you get older there are certain things you want to achieve- a stable career, maturity in thought and behavior, experiencing love, and growth in skill sets.

Yes, I am a typical adult who would like to experience all these. Not that these are on the top of my list right now, but certainly goals in my life somewhere, somehow. As I grow older I increasingly see the need to contribute to the family (support Mom and ensure that Leon grows up well) and to society ( in the work I produce, and in blessing the lives of others) and my self development (taking up new challenges, pursuing self development in terms of education and spiritual awareness)

Sounds like a mouthful eh? For one, I have decided to postpone my audio engineering studies on a final note. I'd be pursuing a course of study (mass communications and marketing communications perhaps) which is more relevant to my short term needs and instrumental in the development of my career. (this helps me to contribute to what is more important)

They say life begins at forty. Perhaps that will be the age my kids might be ten, and I'll tell them that I am taking a hiatus from work and spend three years doing something I really like, while making a living out of it.

For two, I feel that my heartstrings have been tugged. I do feel the urge to get to know a nice lady really well, invest in a relationship, and love each other till the end of time. Well, but that's just a feeling. Call it delayed puberty or what you may want.

The past few weeks have seen me so exhausted that I just wanna plonk down on bed or even sleep as early as 8pm on certain days. Tsk Tsk. People who call be a bundle of energy haven't really seen the times where I just want to do nothing but SLEEP =/. Every Monday is a challenge- especially when I am the nocturnal kind who can't sleep early. Heh.

And yes, finally, the church renovations have almost come to a completion, and with that comes the fun of assimilate into the new systems. I've been literally waking up at 6.30am on Sundays to make sure that I have my breakfast then go to church early (to assist the sound teams with the new systems, to answer questions, and what not)

God has certainly opened my eyes to many many things, steadfastness, wisdom, and maturity being the more significant lessons. I still grapple with situations when I feel misunderstood, more so when people can't "seem" to grasp my heartbeat. I'll let God deal with me with regard to this issue.

God has been gently prodding me to release forgiveness and total surrender in the areas of my family. So many things have happened of late ( with regard to my estranged father) and these have, on many occasions tested my limited wisdom, patience and grace to an immense level. God, help me with this.

Even as I'm praying for directions, God seems to be speaking to me clearly about certain things He wants fixed- my commitment to knowing and applying His Word, for one. While it's really going to be a challenge "dying to self and enthroning God in our lives", as quoted by SH and advocated by so many others, I will make the conscious effort to do so.

Mark my words, O God, and help me!

Till then.

just me,
Fraser

the awakening of....

2007-08-19T21:42:00.000+08:00

As I end off this Sunday, I feel miraculously peaceful and still...despite almost having been in church the whole day. Discussions, mic cables, mics in pockets and red masking tapes have become common items synonymous with Fraser. To top if off, I just ended a session doing sound for an external congregation.

Praise to be God. There were no hiccups during the session at all! The program was astonishingly smooth, even on my end. This is despite the fact that I did not realise that they were into the actual program...until 30 minutes later. I drove stuff till red lamps were flashing, but things were sure really under control.

God seems to be really telling me something.

For once, I appreciate our church's 16 year old mixer. Cranky as it may be, I really do feel its a great piece of equipment that can be smooth sounding.

The greatest highlight of today was God's peace. Things went wrong for the 1st half of the day, but God helped me in remaining calm and collected all the way. I surprised even myself by packing up with a smile and yes, making new friends with ease.

If its of encouragement, it really makes a difference when you commit unto God your cares. But I have been outrageously guilty of not doing that.

This comes after my previous posts which reflected the mess I've gotten myself into. A close brother suggested that we'd feel all sorts being distant from our Maker. How true. I was in a complete mess that week.

Speaking of which, I'd really like to thank CUZ for having such a great heart and love for those around him. What a tangible representation of God. Firm and convicting, yet gentle enough to look beyond the surface and emphatise. Thank God for blessing me with you in my life.

And for the countless people who've stuck around, shown concern and administered God's love, I really appreciate you all! =)

To sum it all up, the pain, anger, hurt and bitterness remains. But I guess I now have the courage to stand strong, deal with them one at a time and move on because of God. Zai succintly sums it up when he remarked that as believers, we have the privilage of having a Divine being of whom we can pour our cares and sorrows unto.

'nuff said. my nose is screaming for tissue.

*winks*

Always,

noed resarf

:X

2007-08-15T11:13:00.000+08:00

What a day..

I realised how old I really am..after feeling so extremely exhausted after walking from the MRT station to office today. Then again, I do realise that I am not exactly in the pink of health, and I feel pretty good to have completed the walk under the hot sun.

So much for saving energy. I thought I'd go without my cranky airconditioner last nite and sleep. Alas, my blissful sleep was somehow interrupted by the need to switch on the aircon in the middle of the night as it was EXTREMELY muggy in my room.

It sure helped me enter sleep better but I was coughing non stop because of the dry air. So much for the need for cool and humid air. Thats despite the fact that its set to 25 degrees!

I have a cranky aircon that takes FOREVER to cool and freezes when it decides to (normally about 3AM in the morning). The sleep mode is useless as it switches the fan speed to low and I dont really get much air movement with that speed.

Oh well oh well. Its time to invert...I'm grappling with sleepiness, grouchiness and a very bad migraine.

Signing off...

angster

2007-08-13T10:31:00.000+08:00

Dear God..

I'm writing this at the point when I'm on the verge of breaking down...again.

Why do all these happen? When I make a stand to offer my life to be used by You, something always happens. I'm tested to a point where I don't think I can stand it anymore. I hate myself for being fragile and shaky.

Indeed, the enemy knows what matters to me most. I've been tested in ways unimaginable. every statement is an accusation, every turn down a rejection. People seem to have offended me to a great deal lately.

At times I do wonder if all these "evils" are pulling me further away.

If you would Lord keep me from evil. I seriously doubt I can take it any longer..

When I almost cried myself to sleep last night and cried out to you in prayer, I heard you asking me if I would just trust You. The worrisome thing is that I could not even reply. Letting go has become so difficult. There is so much rage and anger in me...letting go has not become an option anymore.

My mom told me gently last evening that I had become too withdrawn, and that I should start spending time with family and others instead of always cooping up. Point is, I tried to share but to no avail. No one seems to want to listen.

Even God seems so far at times...an alien being in this huge universe, a remote being. Though a fraction of me tells me that I have every reason to run back to Him.

Why can I relate to the song Step Back so much? Indeed, I do feel the desire to quietly go away...and not live amidst all these anymore.

I dread returning to 11.30am, seeing that same face that really drives me up the wall, sends me off in a spasm to control myself from punching the wall. I dread going back cos it is so difficult to deal with.

Thanks Blogger for listening quietly. Its been a long time and hard time bottling up all these...and I'm glad that I was able to do it in a peaceful manner.

God, I do wonder what are your thoughts on this. Perhaps if You've read my blog..but then again I suppose You already know how I am feeling.

I hate myself for being so fragile.

Words...

2007-05-12T17:43:00.000+08:00

Sigh. I can think of two incidences within the past 24 hours where people made remarks that hurt me rather deeply..

To a certain extent, I wish they would have been more sensitive and tried to put themselves into the shoes of the other party..

In any case, I do try to think of all the nice things that they've done for me, and its easier to release the neg feelings. In any case, its a timely reminder for myself to watch what I say to others, too.

Words can break.

P.S. Get good contractors to fix your air conditioners, don't be too critical when it comes to price. Service quality counts!

randomathic

2007-05-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

Oops. Its been some time since I last posted here. As usual, everything is revolving at breakneck speed, but its been a great time all the same.

So much has happened since what has last happened; and God's grace is amazingly evident throughout this period of time. I had many people voicing their concern about my previous posts. I thank you for your concern and I'd like to assure you that things have been very sorted out =) Like I told a close pal, I needed the space to indulge in some form of expression, and this blog has served its purpose hard and well.

I remember sitting in church one Sunday, with a million thoughts crossing my mind as my pastor preached on God's message. The call for us was to be effective tools and ministers of God in our marketplace (i.e. workplace). As such, we were going through a series of studies that would prepare us in our aim to be a worthy messenger.

As I was listening, I was reflecting and constantly asking myself how I could just do that. In a business world where most people would fall into the trap of underhand means just to secure deals and earn quick bucks, it seems a necessary evil to practice secular measures to ensure survival. I remember the days as a management student, where I read that the biggest objective of any business entity as "profit making". How then, could we strike a balance between ethical practices and practical measures?

Let me qualify. Im blessed to work with a group of God loving, God fearing people. I must say that this is not an uphill struggle as far as I am concerned. Still, I felt God's prompting for a change...

And so it was a pleasant surprise to have my towkay mention on a Monday morning about the introduction of devotional studies during work. In fact, he had called me on the very same Sunday after my service to hear from me. God works in amazing ways!

I often feel like Im living as a defeated believer. Of late, a simple dinner resulted in an accident that saw me losing my cool and blowing up at a stall owner. Apparently, the slow me had already finished two bowls of rice and my herbal soup. My mom, who had ordered way before me, was still waiting for her food.

No excuses, but this was why I was so mad...

1) My mom was extremely hungry
2) The stall owner was extremely rude in his dealings and at no occasion offered any apology.

So I blew and cursed them silly. Needless to say, I got a scolding from my mom as well. As I reflected, I realised that there was this strong sense of injustice and hatred in me. At times, I do feel that the feelings are so intense that I imagined myself doing the unthinkable.

So that is just me. I have a strong tendency against injustice and unfairness. It freaks me out to think that I could be capable of harboring such intense levels of hated and dislike for some.

Leon puts it rightly when he quotes :"If you hate someone, you have already committed murder in your heart."

I still think I need help....while I can still deal with such incidences in my life without going berserk. And then again its amazing how God has blessed me with so many people who have partnered me in my journey to become a better person.

And yes, the Chinese medicine I have been taking knocks me out on time and puts a full stop to my gastric pains for the time being. All the bitter medicine and the increase in the fold lines on my face is well worth it! Thanksssss SCKW =)

And no, my aircond is still NOT OK. Thats another incident that really challenged me, but Im thankful for the ability to stay calm and resolve the issue in an appropriate manner.

Adieu. Please do not work till you drop --> Read TNP yet?

arigato

2007-04-21T23:41:00.000+08:00

A big Thank You goes out to all of you who have put things into perspective these days and in your own way, journeyed with me in a personal manner...I am truly appreciative and I thank God for you.

Its been a few hours since I last received the news and I am feeling peaceful already.

=x

Lightning does strike the same place twice.

2007-04-21T17:39:00.000+08:00

Just as I thought everything would be Ok and cool down, I was literally struck again...

I'm in a pretty messed up state right now, with yet another issue to grapple with. I just wonder if there's any end to it. God, is this your sign for me? Grant me your wisdom so that I may understand..

Right now, I will just accept the truth and be forward looking to see how I can address the issue. Right now, I can only be thankful for my colleagues who have really extended their tangible helping hand in times of this.

I need to be still and trust in Him..this is what I identify as a big stone that could cause me to stumble..

Perhaps things are going on like this for the sake of the "big picture"

God, if you will, please show and guide me along.

Please Help Me

2007-04-19T22:51:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine once mentioned that he knew that "time was up" if he had to drag his feet to work everyday.

Although I am still far from "dragging" my feet to work...Lord, please please show me your will. Am I the misaligned one??

O God, wont you just say something or show me something so that your Will will be revealed to me...

I shall try to be still and know that You are God.

my weary soul.

2007-04-19T22:07:00.000+08:00

I so didnt need that. Blogger asked me to migrate my old blogger account into a Google account. This just sums up a perfectly not so perfect day in my life. I am really tired (my eyes are closing) as I type this, but heck.

This is my personal blog. I think it is time I have to come clean with certain things I have felt in my heart. Its pointless keeping a blog if I cant even be honest with myself.

Work hasnt been good for me. I noticed that I've slipped into what Econs describes as the LDMR...the law of diminishing marginal returns. If I had ever hit the peak of my performance, that is.

I've been really troubled by my less then ideal performance at work weekly. I shall make no attempt to hide the fact that I havent been efficient. Worse still, Im a non efficient workaholic...I stay late or work during the weekends, yet remain counterproductive. Things have not been going smooth, and I do feel that fingers are pointing in my direction.

Am I really such a bad employee where I am now?

Its hard for me to really answer this question myself. My only saving grace is a boss who still believes in me ( I guess), and God who feels the anguish in my heart even as I type this.

I joined the company to challenge myself and to hone my talents, and hidden talents. Yet, part of me secretly craves for a job that's not desk bound, not 9-6. Part of me wants to slip into my jeans and tees, (I feel really more confident in that), and part of me really wants to just run around and pursuing my passion. Never mind the sunburn, the aching arms, and the sweat.

Yet again, I am thankful where I am. I see this an given opportunity, and another part of me feels that I have much to give to this company, and look back seeing how much we have grown and beat the odds. I want my boss to know that he has made the right choice...in taking a gamble and proving him right.

Yet I feel so discouraged. A lonely soul on the L4, -. A soul who's feeling detached and losing touch with the good old folks...a soul who feels insignificant. Nothing. At times, I miss the times where we were.

I cant be a hypocrite and try to smile through the changes as if I don't give a damn about the progresses.

Am I in the right place? In an organisation where them others are well versed in the right ways, I do feel left out. I dont participate in such related affairs since I dont know much. I feel overburdened. I feel attacked at times.

Screw me.

Im so lost and discouraged right now that I wanna cry and just drop everything. Yet, a part of me struggles knowing that there is a bigger picture. But how long and how can I hold on?

Those who are meant to read this will read this.

I have nothing to be cheerful about.

Underproductive

2007-04-09T22:49:00.000+08:00

I feel so underproductive today...

It seems that I always have a problem doing proper work on Mondays...When will I ever learn how to sleep well on Sunday evenings so that I'd be efficient on Mondays?

I really had enough of this...Its frustrating that my brains wake up only in the evening and late night. If I stay up late to finish all my work, I'd probably wont have enough physical rest to report to work on time tomorrow..

And if I try to sleep by 11pm, my brain literally yells at me to be doing something else, to be waking up and refusing to let me sleep.

Looks like I've reached the end of the road now..I really need a fix for this. Wont you just help me, O Lord?

I want to well rested and productive in all I do. I want to kill that eyerings that now lie under my eyes. I dont want to behave like a zombie on the train I take to work...

I shall try anyway.

God help me!

Heh

2007-04-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

Thats too many posts for a day. Blogging overspill.

experience_sound

2007-04-08T23:13:00.000+08:00

I've officially unveiled my 1st hifi blog.

Visit it at http://experiencesound.blogspot.com/

For all you sound lovers out there, be sure to input your comments so that I can learn from you all as well! :)

08042007

2007-04-08T22:57:00.000+08:00

I realised that Singaporeans are, in general, nice people after all.

As opposed to news articles of seemingly inconsiderate individuals who refuse to give up their seats to those who needed them more, it was a real sweet feeling to experience two incidents that was indeed heartwarming.

Two individuals gave up their seats to an elderly gentlemen and a physically challenged lady in the same journey. There was no hesitation- the smile and expression of gratitude of the elderly folks was akin to a megawatt bulb.

Why am I bringing this up? I think we had enough of concentrating on the unpleasant things around us. This incident has shown that there are still people who are selfless. Their attitudes are indeed laudable.

Blame me for being an optimist, but I do feel that it is only when you focus on the positive that you can be at peace with yourself.How can you ever be happy if your thoughts are filled with negative notions?

You cant be nice to anyone if your thoughts are always of the negative and hawkish nature.I choose to focus on the good things and remind myself that this world still has some credibility to it.

Geez, this is such perfect irony for a self professed worrier like myself.

I had a whale of a time catching up with my boss on a lovely Saturday noon. We met for lunch and shopping thereafter (for the office, please). It amazes and inspires me how much my effort my boss invests in the development of those working with him (me included). We had a great time chatting about the exciting plans ahead, and wiring up the office. The place looks real sweet now.

I wonder how God saw it fit that I deserve such divine love, that manifests itself through my job, those I work with, and my lovely bunch of friends, and my family. Indeed I am blessed!

Now thats what the Bible means when it says : "Count your Blessings!"

A good day

2007-04-05T10:26:00.000+08:00

It is a good day today.

For some unexplained reason, I do feel happy today despite the crazy sunshine, besides the fact that my good old gastric friend has decided to come back to me. I guess it must be the joy of the Lord that's working in me!

For the first time in my life, I chipped in for the family expenses. It isnt a big amount, but I do feel that its a good habit to start with. But on the other hand, it just means that I'd probably be turning more of the aircon these days. Heh.

I just had a chat with Sir Fergurson recently about some hifi stuff. He then asked me to consider starting a hifi blog. I was a little taken aback then, as it wasnt the first time that someone asked me to consider starting a blog of that nature.

Well, given my limited knowledge of such stuff, I do hope that the blog will serve as a venue for people to exchange ideas and knowledge. No, I do not have a fantastic sounding system yet!

Here it is. experiencesound.blogspot.com. But hang on first, there are no posts up for the time being. As time comes, I hope to move on from a blog to a forum.

Sir Ferguson, you've certainly rekindled that old love once more. Pal, do yourself a favor and pick up this month's copy of What Hifi!

On another hand, Good Friday is nearing the corner, and I wish all of my readers a blessed Good Friday..may the Love of God touch your heart.

2nd April 2007

2007-04-02T00:24:00.000+08:00

Its been such a looong time since I last posted anything up here. Its almost shocking to look back on this page and realise that it was,once upon a time, an adobe where I would religiously invest time and effort in.

Well, then again, maybe not.

Three amazing months have passed. In case you're wondering, my light is finally up and in good working order..no more mini explosions in my room. Its better having a light that lights up the room. Just enough light for my feet to walk on, I guess.

Speaking of which, I am tempted to draw a biblical line between the room light and God's light in my life. Just as I stumbled and tripped over furniture, or even felt awkward without the presence of light, the past few months have shown me how more important it is to be living in the Light of God.

Of late, I've been blessed with many helpful souls in the office. That said, we've finally expanded (all glory be to God) and I am truly blessed to be with a company (noticed I said with, not working for) that is truly full of talented people, many of which are superstars in their own right. I am glad to have been able to work with each and every one of them, and to have learnt more abt myself.

Shan is brimming with energy. Its amazing how she can upkeep the lively atmosphere, and that chases the bad blues away. Qixiang is a talent in the making, and an absolutely great pal to yak with. Weizheng is a focused and determined lady, and Im glad that she remains positive in spite of what happened. Joane is frank, yet displays the attitude to learn and never fails to lend a helping hand.

God certainly has, on several occasions, taught me how important it is for me to lean on His strength and providence for my daily life. The perpetually non-stop me overworked on my own confines and yeah..suffered quite a bad burn out lately. I literally cried unto Him, and His mercy and grace was evident.

Even as I was sharing my testimony yesterday, I could see how beautifully God has made things. I was late, but early enough to get some stuff that the PA team needed. I was late,but the item came just as it was needed.I was late, but I waltzed in minutes before my 5 minutes of air time.

Then of course, I totally ditched my script and spoke from my heart. Who needs a script when its the truth you are telling? I felt truly blessed as I looked out at the sea of people seated before me. The countenance on their faces told me that I was making sense.

To God be the glory! I've seen how much my life has been transformed.

Of which, Im intending to start a hifi blog. I dont know alot, but then again, thats what learning is for, isnt it?

t i r e d

2007-01-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not be in want. May this very verse bless and sustain you for the year of 2007.

I'm typing this with a really really exhausted body..and I bet my gastric isn't going to let go of me that easily!

*sighs*

undecidedly weary.

2006-12-27T21:06:00.000+08:00

Nice.

The event poster. Indeed, its a time for praise and thanksgiving, no matter how rotten your life may seem to be.

Yet another toy to my collection, courtesy of Shang. Some of you might have heard that I really want to own a Bose system and drive a Benz :) Well, part of the equation is complete, although I am still persuading the Bose system to emerge out of hibernation mode .

48 hours after Christmas, I must say that I'm still really tired out from having spent over 30 hrs in church over Saturday, Sunday and Monday setting up for, rehearsing, and mixing for the entire Christmas project for my church.

I dare say I've carried more stuff in all my ministry years put together in three days. A team of four from the sound team laid cables, placed the speakers in place, and were literally on their toes the entire day to make sure that the event ran well. Oh well, the joys of serving in this ministry indeed.

Nonetheless, I was glad that the opportunity really opened my eyes. Its wonderful to see how we, from different giftings and walks of life, have come together to present our best for the Lord. I was glad to have worked with ZhiZhen, Chai Heng, Esther, Han Wei and Jeffrey, who, in my opinion, are indeed promising musical talents!Man...I wished I could be like them at times.
And there were so many others from the Chinese congregation, like George and Joseph, who I'd never have the chance to know if I was not involved.

On another hand, I got to play with Bose speakers and a Mackie mixer. Its opened my world up and I'm glad to be able to lay my hands on such stuff!

As usual, I received my fair share of trials, criticism and frustrations while serving for this event. I guess its give and take. Working with others allowed me to have a clearer idea of their expectations and working styles, and it has certainly helped me in deciding if we should work together in the future. Hush on that.

It gets to me at times indeed. I kind of made a resolution that I would not serve in the PA ministry for any of the big events for the next year. I just felt a need for me to step back and find time to sit with my cell members, with the members of the congregation, and not get overly involved. But like what thend and earthdust and stardust II says, I often fail to listen to my own advice.

Oh well. Physician, heal thyself?

Having a chat with Armstrong last night was really an encouragement. James delivered a very powerful rendition of the song "I'm amazed" for two shows in a row, and I must say that I am indeed amazed by how God uses each and every one of us in ways we never thought possible. In my moments of despair and weariness, God sent this brother to minister to me and I am indeed thankful.

I'm also thankful to my usual gang for tirelessly administering God's love and grace, as well as lending a good ear when I really felt like shooting some people straight on their feet.

Indeed God is amazing. The reality and majesty of God just wants to make me contemplate my life, to continually check my heart, and motives. What would I want Him to say, and think of me, when I eventually stand in front of Him?

To me, that is the questions that I will live with.

As 2006 draws to an end, may 2007 be a year full of purpose and development for each and every one of us.

Blessed Christmas and new year!

the passing of 2006.

2006-12-21T12:14:00.000+08:00

It’s a couple of days before Christmas… I don’t feel the Christmas mood. I don’t revel in shopping. Not really. I don’t hang up stockings all over my place and expect Santa to come fill em up. I dont.

I woke up this morning with a backache. I was trying to wonder what I did that could have caused the backache. and I remembered. I was doing a hand wash for my new shirt.

And that causes me a backache? I think I should question the first two digits of my IC number.

This year has been extremely trying in all sorts of ways. Work. Relationships. Plans for the future, and even my spiritual life. As mentioned, 2006 was indeed a rough year. I can almost say that my faith was really tested this year.

2006 was also a year of soul searching, a time of questioning myself and my motives, and what I wanted to do. Wait, is it what I want to do, or what I want to do for the Lord? To be frank, I really wanted to leave the PA and VOX ministry because I felt that at certain times, that my heart was not in the right place.

Of late, I’ve been pretty burdened with the topic of passion. I will not discount the fact that gifts and talents are given from God. What is questionable is how you manage your passion. Does it end up equating to a “me only” equation?

My worry is that our passion serves to fulfil our own interests, and that it becomes our little focal of worship and adoration.

Talking to L made me see how some of us in the same faith could be so damaging. I was pretty upset to learn of what L had gone through and experienced. It is indeed the last thing I would be expected to be asked given my situation. And yet, I was reminded of what good old Tim always advocated: good relationships amongst each of us.

L, if you're reading this, I hope it touches your heart and remember always that God is with you and will continue to hold you in His loving hands. As per your confession, His love for you knows no measure!

I seriously hope that I have been a good friend and brother to all I know. I hope I won’t end up being hypocritical, rigid and superficial, and worse still, having the wrong focus behind my intent.

Nevertheless, I’m thankful for all the mercy that God has shown in my most undeserving moments, and for the encouragement that I received and is still receiving when things were really too much for me to bear and I really considered bowing out for good. Love ya all.

Christmas means a lot to me this year. I received the ultimate gift of all, beyond the oohs and ahhs of my childhood days. I experienced a love so immeasurable and unconditional, of whom I had the privilege to befriend and count on. I received the gift of Christ.

Will you receive?

....

2006-11-29T23:22:00.000+08:00

Just decided to buy myself some insurance today. For a small sum of money, I get insured for a pretty tidy sum. Should the Lord decide to call me back prematurely, I can leave with a little consolation that the sum can still help my mom and brother here and there. Of course, the best thing is for me to help out financially, in person. =)

Thanks M for spending so much time with me today and for having explained in detail the fundamentals of insurance policy. And I do realise the need to really start saving. As in REALLY SAVE. Do I want to end up being dependent in my later years? I hope not. At least I pray that I will still be able to stand on my own (yes without crutches and walking sticks, please) as well as financially.

Now that I've have had a clearer idea of how much I can potentially save per month, I'm really gonna take a hard look at what I have been spending on and cut down on what is unnecessary. On top of my mom, I'll have another "big brother" to watch out for me and keep me in check. Geez!

As my career (and pay ) grows, I'd want to take a look at my finances, and save, or give more. Tithing is one area I certainly need to look at. It's been a long time since I decently gave to the Lord and I'm thankful that He has been merciful and understanding thus far. Lord, help me to be a cheerful giver!

Work's been really exciting. Boss's very much excited and unveiling new and interesting plans. It's my confirmation soon, and while I am excited to be finally officially part of this family, I really pray for the Lord's blessing and directions to enable and empower me to be an asset to the company, yet still be a good son, brother, friend and...be able to spend quality time with those around me.

Sometimes I fear that I may not be good enough. Nonetheless, God has blessed me with a great boss and even wonderful colleagues who I can work with. Its amazing how comfortable I feel working with them now, considering the fact that this is my first job in this line. Well indeed, its all in His hands and all in his time.

Phil 2:13 says that it is God who works in us to will and act according to His good purposes. May that be fulfilled in me!

P.S : And for those of you who want to know more about insurance and financial planning, I'd be more than glad to refer you to this great guy I know. :)

Cheers.
noed resarf

Are we unkind people?

2006-11-26T23:26:00.000+08:00

I succumbed to my temptation to eat KFC today, so there I was at the restaurant at 10:30, queuing up to place my orders.

Then I wondered why the queue was rather stagnant, and I saw this old gentlemen in the queue being extremely picky about the size of the chicken he was having; and even simple things like chilli packets etc etc.

Another counter was opened by another fresh faced teen, and she was, too, having this middle aged lady in the queue, who for some reason, refused to show her the staff pass when she needed to look at it one more time for verification purposes.

I mean, what is wrong with these people? Was there a need to be so picky and uncooperative? It disgusts me to think that there are such people around. We certainly need more graciousness towards one another.

I just find it repulsive when I hear service providers shrug their shoulders in resignation and say " What to do? The customer is always right". It just irks me. Why cant it be a little more beautiful? We pay for the service, but do remember that it is a fellow human who is providing the service, for Heaven's sake.

Still, I find it impressive that as young teens, Terence and Melissa managed to keep their cool and were friendly in the face of such people and remained professional. They even apologised although I am certain it was no fault of theirs. Mind you, this is KFC, not any hotel or boutique.I'd rate them ten out of ten for customer service.

Be realistic. Get real!

I wonder if this is God's revelation for me, to see my "blind spots". I must admit I'm not the patient sort, many have gotten a piece of me when they step on my tail. It certainly is a good scene to reflect upon. And I'm reminded as light and salt of the world, it is our responsibility to be ambassadors of Christ. I pray that God will allow me the opportunity to do so.

Be in the world, but not of it.

24 already?

2006-11-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

I cant believe it ...I'm 24 already. But yet I am. Looking back at the years I've been through, its amazing how much has changed over the last ten years. At fourteen, I was rebellious, hated school, had a low self esteem...and was still trying to fit into my first cell group. Ten years down, I can only thank God for the transformation in my life. Yes, I still struggle with bad habits, and at times, let my mind wander beyond what is good, but God's guidance was ever present. I wonder how my mom, this pillar of strength, ever survived my turbulent teenage years. And now she's going through it once more with my brother...just that this time round I'll join her side and nag at my brother too! Poor Leon. Nah. Speaking of which, its really cool celebrating birthdays together. Leon's born 11 years and 1 day later. I've got a couple of spiritual siblings whose birthdays are so close to mine..and I can think of at least 7 folks who shared the same birthday as I do. I had a swell celebration on Sunday with my church mates...awww...so touching! What a blessing indeed. I met up with an old church pal of yesteryear..and my goodness. It took me 8 years to realise that we share almost the same chinese name. Same surname and second character. What a revelation! MarC, what a blessing you are. Thanks for opening up my spiritual eyes with your insight.

As we caught up over lunch, I really thank God for opening up our eyes to His truth and seeing to our spiritual growth, especially over the recent years. Its such an awesome thing, and I have yet to get over it!

I'm so relieved that I am finally sitting down here on a Saturday morning and typing this out. I've just finished one event today with the barely enough sleep I got last night. By God's grace, the event was, in my opinion, a success and I am amazed I can still stay awake despite my already flu and fatigue ridden body to be typing all this.

And once more I say, God is good.

In the midst of all the madness out there, I hope I can truly be able to be joyful and give thanks anytime, anywhere.

*Yawns*

awakening

2006-11-07T22:54:00.000+08:00

Time flies. It’s been almost a month since I last posted anything in here. With the rate I am going, I may either have to spend more time here or close this blog down altogether! On that note, I do hope that I still can afford the time and energy needed to account for what has been happening in my life.

I’ve been through moments of what seems like a process of mind awakening. Of late, the sermons and sharing in church have awakened my spiritual mind and have started my bout of self examination. We were enlightened on the End Times through a series of sermons, and the severity of it really shook me. God is gracious, but would I be found worthy and deserving in his sight?

On further revelations, I wondered if I would succumb to the temptations of the world just to “survive, trade and exchange”, or if I was resolute enough to stand firm for my faith and run the race till the very end. A brother mentioned that he wanted to be around to witness the end. I’m not very sure if I want to.

The reason why I have been not updating this little space here can be attributed to my list of commitments. I may not be the busiest person around, but I do feel weary and tired. Thoughts of quitting went through my mind. I wanted to drop everything, I wanted to go Home early. I was really close to pulling out of VOX ministry and PA ministry too, until I heard last week’s sermon.

And then I realised the importance of committing my life unto the Lord. I was weary serving out of my limited and burdened heart. I suddenly felt as if I was shortchanging God. Rather than thanking God for His blessings and the favor He had blessed me with, I was grumpy while serving for the 5 consecutive weeks of services. I went with a willing heart, but allowed minor things to come my way.

There is really a need for me to deal with these issues and deal with my inadequacies. While praying on a fine Monday morning, I felt as if God was telling me this.

“Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Lean not on your own understanding, but by the grace of God.” What an affirmation indeed. In the midst of my prayers for others, God was ministering to me.

On another hand, my current Godsend job is yet another mind opening experience. Having been given the opportunity to try several things, I have come to realise more about myself. I have a clearer picture of my strengths and weaknesses, all thanks to my God given boss and colleagues. While audio engineering remains my forte and passion, I must say that I have discovered my flair for writing.

Being in this job has exposed me to simply more and more. Indeed, life is always a learning journey. Having come to see more of the society through my job, I can only say that I am awed by the experience and thankful for the doors that have been opened.

I’m prayerfully considering freelancing as a soundman for experience and portfolio’s sake. Unless the Lord leads, I doubt I will tie myself down to any more commitments.

Nonetheless, I believe all my experiences here have drawn me even closer to the people. To all the wonderful folks out there (you really know who you are!), thanks for always being a part of my life. The road may be long and narrow but we can be confident of our completion.

14102006

2006-10-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

Today, as I was cleaning my house, I decided to move out the furniture from the laundry room to vac. Imagine my horror to find layer after layer of dust, lizard droppings and stains. I was sneezing non stop from the amount of dust and dirt...and quickly put to use the Electrolux.

Just as I was still reeling over the discovery, I realised that this was like the sins in my life.My laundry room is normally the pinnacle of cleanliness. Its only when you shift away the furnishings and look deep where you find all the dirt. Likewise, on the outside, I may look normal but I dare not boast of being sinless.

Just as I reeled back in horror and started sneezing, I realised how equally disgusted God must have felt, seeing all this impurities in His creation. Just as I decided to give the place a thorough clean, I pray that God will use His Electrolux on me too and cleanse me.

Amen

I still got a lot to learn
but at least, I know where I can turn
When I'm in times of need,
as I know all things are possible and,
just as long as I, believe.

The Unhurried Life

2006-09-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

It feels great to attend church after an exciting week, to wind down a little and to get some spritual nourishment and to hear from the Lord himself. Today's message was on The unhurried life, and I felt as if the message was being preached just for me!

I was shocked to find that I could relate to four out of the six symptoms related to hurried individuals. True, I cursed my way through slow counters at food outlets or shopping centres, got extremely irritated with people who refused to stand on the left side of the escalator, and I'm really guilty of sounding my horn too much.

And yes, I do have the sunset fatigue syndrome. I'm always on turbocharged mode, and I'm extremely intolerant of people who cant process just as fast.

So what does that make me? I'm impatient, and I tend to look at people by my own unrealistic standards. I get pissed off with people who block my way and hinder my activities. And those close to me bear the brunt of my anger.

So unchristian like! I outta be struck.

Well, I've struggled with the same problem for ages. This sermon sounds like God's message to me, and I'd better be taking it seriously for my own good.

I'm gonna try meditation. Sounds scary, but I believe its not recommended for nothing. So if you see me being quiet, nah, I've not lost my marbles.

God help me!

its hot in herre.

noed resarf.

What motivates you?

2006-09-07T14:16:00.000+08:00

Hey blog!

Long time no see.

Yeah yeah. It’s been such a nong nong time since I last updated my blog. I’m stealing time from my lunch hour to update this spot of mine.

There are so many things that happened recently. The night cycling that took place light years ago, the passing on of people, my two week break from work (they were spent mostly at the pool, I tell ya) and my new job.

I shall not handle the almost impossible task of blogging one month's worth of events on my blog, so ask me if you want to know more =)

I spent an agonizing two nights writing all those farewell cards to my colleges. I don’t believe in writing generic or standard farewell cards (they are so passe!), so I wrote personalized messages for each and every one of my ex colleagues. Now you know why it took two nights!

Nonetheless, seeing the smiles on their faces and the appreciation really made it all worthwhile. The crazy heat walking in from the main road during the midday was worth it, and I’m certainly glad I was able to bring some laughter and smiles into the place.

While I shall so seriously miss the environs of my previous call centre for its madness and turbocharged speed, I shall look back on the lessons I’ve learnt, and the fond memories I shall have with the colleagues I befriended. God be with you all!

I’m officially employed once more. I have the luxury of working alongside with one of my fellow SCDF mates, one of whom I respect for his passion for his business and for God. Things feel so different in here. My ears are spared from the abuse from callers, and I’m not doing the same old thing over and over again. This lovely den we’ve got is a far cry from my previous workplace. Now this place is really CLEAN! I mean it.

And the fact that we’re located at Mohd Sultan- once famous for its shophouse pubs- adds this sense of nostalgia and loveliness to it. Goodbye industrial estates.

Thank God for this job- it allows me to develop in a new area, and for once, I’m using my brains. Over here, we dream big, but we stop to listen, to review and to learn from one another. Nice.

Oh and I forgot to mention. I’m doing public relations and a little of editorial. Soon, I hope to venture into events management. Speaking of which, I was put in touch with this nice gentleman from an events management company that S.H. knew of (Thx bro!). Amazingly, he’s a sound engineer too. We had a nice chat and I am seriously exploring working with them on an ad hoc basis to expose myself to the industry. If God be willing, I will want to include events management as another portfolio of my existing company.

Will that happen? Well, I’ve got two events to handle till my birthday these year. You bet I’m excited.

To the new folks I'm working with who happens to chance upon this blog...tell ya what...I'm so looking forward to have a swell time with you all!

I’ll update the blog as and when I can, but here are some new pictures that I’ve taken of late..

My Desk!

My desk once more

Its not my office, but this what you can expect along Mohd Sultan

and a wallpaper I did for myself!

Ciaoz

Fraser

A tribute to Aunty E

2006-08-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

About 5 days ago, a life was lost. This person happened the mother of a close buddy of mine, who stuck with me through my difficult times and put up with my less-than-rational behavior at times.

We had fights, quarrels and squabbles, but the friendship was strengthened and stood the test of time. I'm truly appreciative for this godsend.

The proceedings were so surreal. It was so dreamlike, yet going thru the final rites wasnt easy. As a bystander, I was constantly swept by waves of emotions for this lady, a life taken in one fell swoop so suddenly, so unfairly. Despite the fact that I constantly reminded myself to be strong and not to cry, I found myself crying hysterically when the coffin was eventually transported into the furnace.

I felt this raging sense of injustice, of a life prematurely taken away. I felt a personal sense of loss, knowing that I'd never get to see this lady again, shake her hand, or see the smile on her face. I felt the grief, a grief the fraction of my buddy and that of his dad, who were so distraught that they had to be supported.

The least I could do, I felt, was to devote a little section of this space of mine in rememberance of her.

###################################################################
Dearest Aunty E,

Thank you for being a part of my life. Though our period of acquaintance was brief, I respect you for who you are, the loving mother and strong person you are.

In the few occasions where we met, I sense the nice person you are, always with a smile, a warm countenance, even in times of affliction.

You have earned my deep respect for being a fighter and for your positive outlook in life. Even in your unexpected last days, your thoughts were for the family and on recovering. I trust that you are resting sound and well.

Do rest well, Aunty E. Never forgotten you will be, for you will always live in our hearts.

#################################################################

In life we regret. Would I want to be guilty of that? How many times I have taken my dear mother for granted. Besides the yearly flowers on V-day, cards on her birthday and passe-stuff, I have yet to hug her, and tell her how much I appreciated her for who she was and all she has done. Perhaps this were never enough. Had my mom been just yearning for me to show her how much I loved her?

I dont want to regret no more.

Uncle S, please be strong for M. Letting go is difficult, but time will erase the hurt and preserve the fond memories.

M, please be strong for your daddy. The road ahead is long, and we will strive to run the race and achieve the goal, cause our eyes are fixed on Jesus! Your mother was a strong woman, no doubt about that. She passed on as a warrior.

self check

2006-07-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

I’m still reeling over the initial shock I’m going thru as I’m typing this entry (at work again). Having being brought down by a bad bout of gastric and incessant headaches since last week, I took some time off to recuperate on Friday and Saturday.

After not having worked for 3 days in a row, I felt somewhat disoriented and alien as I stepped into the office. My table was painstakingly neat as usual (thanks to Tim), but the mouse was oily. Eeks….

Back to which, I had some difficulties going back into full swing. I was rather slow and disengaged, but time warmed up my engine and I was back in shape in a couple of minutes. And so was my gastric and headaches…

I realize that I’ve probably taken more panadol pills in my stint here than anywhere else in the world. It just occurred to me that these may have been caused by the stress level (I just happen to have a low threshold for that). So, I may be guilty of complicating my own life after all.

For the close-to-desperate prayers, God seems to have answered. I’m found opportunities to explore in other areas, and I’m seriously contemplating moving on and leaving this job in the dust. Today, I just made known my intention to leave early, and the folks were pretty gracious so far. I’m feeling so much lighter already.

Yesterday, after much apprehension and hesitation, I did manage to “take a step of faith” and I did manage to approach one young chap for a survey. Its incredulous that after all the public speaking seminars and all the events I’ve hosted in school in the past…I actually didn’t even have the courage to approach a stranger in public?

What was holding me back? Was my heart selfish? Perhaps I’ve grown too cold. Perhaps I’ve lost the passion and urgency. I kept asking myself why.

Nevertheless, I’m thankful for God’s grace that carried me through and gave me the courage and the counsel to speak. I was really taken aback by how I even managed to do it in the first place. I’m also grateful to the team, esp. Daniel and Louis for their kind words and encouragement. Cheers!

I pretty much want to quit being so hard on myself… and start being myself. Easier said than done. Where do I begin?

A typical day in the life of fraserlogy

2006-07-24T21:57:00.000+08:00

Typhoon Carrier strikes my desk

My lovely workstation...

...and the freezing clinmate

0110am: finally called it a day for 23/7. Freezing at 16 degrees, but I had to do it to combat my runny nose and my throbbing headache. Man, I feel one big fever coming up!

0710am: woke up to the sounds of my fav Indian ringtone over my phone. Woke up and rushed to implement some PC restrictions at home. Sorry Leon, but we have your interests at heart.

0800am: I’m late for work! Took a yellow top cab to work. The cab fare costs be $10.50, and yellow Cab hasn’t increased their rates yet. Had many close shaves along the way, what a prelude to this week!

0825am: Bumped into HP and Tim’s smiling faces at the lobby. My day seems to be so much brighter, suddenly! J

0830am: Read the farewell card that Melvin wrote for me…I’m really touched yet honoured.

0835am: Its been a long time since I last did this. but I prayed. and this huge sense of peace and assurance just transcended upon me. I handled my calls with grace and with the smoothness of silk…until…

11.10am: My lovely subscriber H called! She has been calling up with matters to resolve since early May 06. Oh man. She was really upset and screaming over the line. I managed to stay calm, thank goodness.

11.25am: After 103 calls, and nutcase after nutcase after nutcase, my head’s spinning, my throat’s sore and my nose hurts. I’m certainly not feeling well.

12.50pm: My gastric’s not being nice to me. Finally, after 168+19+7+94+43 (331) calls, the lines seemed to have dropped and I’m stealing time to update my entry.

1.10pm : I’m finally out for lunch…and I contemplate my thots along the way, to quit or not to quit? I make up my mind, and at

1.30pm: I called my agent to tell her that I’m looking for another job. Since the pay is gonna be the same, I’d be better off being somewhere I guess.

2.52pm: Tim excitedly passes me a call, from HQ SCDF. In a moment, I’m hearing the good old voice of my good old RSM. The world is small. And my gastric pains seem to have gone!

3.16pm: For once, this Chinese call is quick and painless. “Above All” is playing in the background, and I’m once more reminded of God’s sovereignty in our lives.

3.55pm: Time goes by…so slowly.

4.25pm: I get a kick…out of voicemail. 67 new messages! I’m rushing to retreeeeeive all of them. Stretched. That gastric thing in me is kicking up.

4.45pm: I get a call from my agent, saying that she’s got a job for me at AMK @$5.50per hour. Data admin and some cust care. Muahaha. TBC

5.33pm.: WOOHOO. The calls seem to have died down. just finished clearing all the auxiliary faxes that came in. I’m sitting down here and putting the pieces of my thoughts together. Now that Arthur is back, and I’ve taken a three-week break from thinking about the sound system revamp, its time to go into full swing again. After listening to the EAW speakers in St Andrew’s underground sanctuary, I wish we had the budget for Mackie’s S215 speakers ($1500 per piece). And the Celestion KR-8’s (heard at my mom’s church) sounds sweet and really intelligible. Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts.

7.20pm: NO MORE CALLS! I’m finally clearing the backlog, with the familiar faces I saw at the lobby this morning: tim and hp J The temperature’s down to a cool 18plus degrees.

7.58pm: I’m rushing once more…to pack my bag and update this line, with disapproving looks from Tim and HP of course. Yet another mad day has ended! Praise God. A total of 627 calls!

fraserst.com

2006-07-22T23:55:00.000+08:00

I just had to show this...I think its A M A Z I N G. This aint done by me, and I'd like to commend this gentleman for his effort and passion!

Times of refreshing

2006-07-22T22:48:00.000+08:00

after a furious week at work, what better to wind down and indulge in a little photo taking session...and that was what i actually did!

Well, not really. I was at St Andrew's Cathedral for another purpose, but being plain old me, I decided to explore and capture the sights. St Andrew's has always been one of my favourite subjects of the eye; alongside with Chijmes and the Esplanade. Here's some pix randomly taken out of instinct, do pardon the ameteur in me! :)

Yup, they're all taken down with my phone, and I'm pretty surprised by how they turned out. To all my photo pro boys out there, I'd appreciate ya guidance & comments. Cheers!

19072006 x 2/2

2006-07-20T07:35:00.000+08:00

Three months, 19 days into my job at this infamous call centre. Sitting here, I’m amazed that I can even find the time to type in this entry for my beloved blog!

Sitting here, feeling somehow relieved by last night’s movie session, yet drugged by the Panadol Extra I took this morning to combat my headache spells, I had this compelling urge to update my blog.

Of late, I have had questions of a similar nature directed at me; as to why I was so quiet blog wise, and why there were irregular or no updates on my blog at all. Truthfully, I’ve typed so much in the office, lodging cases and replying emails, that I’ve completely lost the desire to type in anything official when I’m sitting in front of my computer at home, other than chatting.

Someone asked me how my life had been. A simple question like that really set me thinking, and the reason was because I had no answer to that. Life wasn’t fantastic, but it wasn’t that exactly boring either. In fact, I felt that it was rather dangerous that I had developed this numbness and oblivion to things that were happening to me. Biblically it seems dangerous to feel such a way. Or was it that I was just being at peace?

My heart feels troubled somehow. Tim noticed that at work yesterday and expressed his concern. I shrugged it off as being tired and lethargic after a furious day at work. While I am relatively excited and happy that my services has been extended, and that my folks are entrusting upon me more responsibilities and work, I’m not exactly the happiest person around. I yearn to break out of this job line and venture into something like events management and audio, I find it hard to forsake the “job stability” and the familiarity of processes that I have picked up over the months.

Today was the worst. I had a bad case in the morning. I cursed, I swore. I felt like throwing in the towel and calling it quits. Still, I just couldn’t bear to make the move and just drop everything.

I worry, I fret. Audio engineering isn’t exactly the easiest course to excel in, nor is it considered one of the normal routes that anybody would take. While I really do want to pursue this gift and passion of mine, I hit into pillars of self doubt and worry as to whether I can support myself financially through school, work my way through and support my family, and most of all, achieve my ambition.

Am I guilty of complicating up my life? Am I setting unrealistic goals for myself?

As I struggle with all these worries and cares of the world, I hope that God’s mercy and grace will be with me, and walk with me through these turbulent days.

love your enemy

2006-07-07T23:26:00.000+08:00

Love Your Enemies!

This has got to be the hardest commandment of the Bible I find hard to obey, even till today. Was talking to UG on the way back home and the Lord reminded me of my often less than ideal responses towards some people in particular.

God knows how many times I've failed to smile at people, but instead wrinkled my nose at the crying baby on the bus while the mother struggled helplessly. Oh, how many times I've just wished I had hands long enough to slap the person over the end of the line, or bite my tongue just to avoid sacarsm from my lips.

Its hard to love people at times. Am I being plain unemotional? I hope not. As a pretty emotional person myself, it is extremely easy for me to like someone or vice versa.

This has gotta be dangerous..this shortfall of mine may jolly turn into some curse and worse still, have negative effects on the people around me. Perhaps this boils down to the feelings of injustice and igdinance within me. Whatever it is, it is time to do something about it.

As the Lord reveals the area(s) in my life that I need to act upon, I pray that his guidance will see me through. Indeed, I have come to see this customer service job that I hold now as a journey towards transformation

love,
noed resarf

mmmmm

2006-07-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

040706

2006-07-04T22:46:00.000+08:00

Today...the day I returned to work. Initially, I was still feeling a lill sleepy and spent after the swim last night and the events that took place over the weekend, but God provided and I had a managable day at work :P For once, we managed to achieve a pretty decent quota and I was glad to have contributed to that.

The break really did wonders. I returned to work feeling refreshed and lighter, and everyone was welcoming in their own way..but they did comment on how red my eyes were and how tired I looked..hahaha.

Once more, my job scope has been changed, and I do hope its for the better. With so many things coming my way, I take it that my contract has been extended. Praise God!

Chill!

endless timeline

2006-07-03T16:04:00.000+08:00

Ahh...the joys of a HUGE blower..for once, my cell group wont have to suffer the heat when they come over :)

Today's date is 3rd July 2006. Goodness gracious..its been a month since I last updated this blog! Time goes so fast without realising it. 3rd Quarter 2006 will arrive faster than I anticipated.

I'm penning down these thoughts after recuperating from my three day retreat session out of Singapore. Work has been certainly fast paced-I've find it hard even to update this spot on a regular basis. Once again, I earned myself a change in job scope and I find myself busier than before. OT seems more of a norm then ever, common were the days I'd reach home at 9-10pm before heading off to work early tomorrow.

I thank God for the growing friendship between Daniel, Melvin and the rest of the folks and myself. These guys keep me going, and through helping each other out in times of need, I see this interesting dimension of work that you'd never experience without friendship.

Almost three months have come and gone. While I am comtemplating to stay on to this job, yet considering other avenues to explore, one thing is for certain. By God's mercy and grace, I have managed to stay on to this job till the end of the contract. If you'd read my earlier posts, I prayed that God would help me to fulfill my current contract and beyond.

Over the last month, I've made mistakes, nearly gotten people into hot soup (including myself) and drifted in and out of plain boredom and excitement. On the day before my break, I encountered a really nasty person. While I was kinda upset with the way things turned out, I was initially more upset with how some folks reaction when they learnt of it..oh well *shrugs**

Planning for the retreat certainly helped to keep my mind off most negative thoughts of things I've ecountered at work. It was my first attempt serving in such an area, but i have had the honor of working with a marvellous team. Faced with the "unknown" factor (the campsite was new, and the reccee didnt help much, a certain degree of challenge and excitement formed. The big day was on Fri, and we only got the stuff on thursday. How last minute indeed!

God's provision was evident..there were the usual last minute technical errors (we couldnt borrow a mixer, and the laptop was out of the question coz the church PC died). I'm thankful that Adrian & Pst Henry went the extra mile to loan us their laptops. The campsite had a decent mixer (better than the one I intended to loan), and the campsite had provided much more than expected. Praise God!

Above all, the campers were selfless and helped us in many many ways...I'm truly appreciative and touched by that gesture. While I was constantly battling the horrendous monster of slumber, God pointed out several things to me:

1) As a result of the rejection I faced as a kid and even in my teenage years, I saw it fit to be competitive. I couldnt afford to lose out, and I set high standards for myself. As a result of my low esteem levels, I could have come across as critical and unaccomodating.

2) I was often losing out on the better part. I was like Martha, who was perpetually busy with preperations and stuff, unlike Mary, who chose the better part. (biblical reference)

3) I realised I was not the only person struggling with sins-I was fighting a spritual battle along with my spritual brothers and sisters.

4) God has blessed me with unshakable joy in serving in the PA ministry.

On the final night, where a deliverance session was held, I had the privilage of praying for and crying with my brothers in repentance. We shared, we talked. I discovered many many things about each other that I would have missed if I did not come for the retreat. A big thank you to all you who've been a great source of encouragement and inspiration!

As I end off my entry, I'd like to repent of my high handedness, my low esteem, my incapablilty of being joyful and of my sins. Mould me, use me Lord!

Shalom!

survived

2006-06-04T15:33:00.000+08:00

I cant believe that I survived Saturday! The day I really dreaded has finally come and gone...haha.

We were expecting something big on Saturday, so we were called back to work, and work beyond our working hours (4pm?!). We did recieve many many calls, but all for the wrong reasons. Arrghh. In my opinion, I felt that something should have been done to remedy the existing situation.

But on another hand, working late on Saturday allowed me to clear almost all of the work that had been steadily piling up over the week. At last, the massive snowball has thawed into a harmless beachball. Away it goes!

In the midst of all the busyness and the mayhem over the huge amount of calls coming in, I was blessed to see us functioning as a wonderful team. Everyone went the extra mile to extend a helping hand to others. Its a wonderful feeling indeed. At last, the dark clouds above me seems to have cleared.

Nevertheless, I'm still holding on to my faith..to be kept safe in a crazy world.

Chills!

fras

010606

2006-06-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

Thank you all for praying for me
today's much better as I journey
Thank you Lord for providing for me
Your assurance means tons of grace for me

In contrast, today was a relatively smooth and enjoyable day, despite the fact that I still failed to make it home before 9pm.

One of my collegue's last day was yesterday, and she was sweet to have written us a thank you note. It seems that I'd always be remembered as the funny and entertaining guy. Wahaha.

Its certainly good to hear that I'm still capable of bringing cheer to others. While the privilage is mine, I hope that I can continue to bless in this manner.

One verse from K that was a great reminder to start my day right: "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" Thess 5:16-18. A great reminder indeed. Thanks Kev bro!

Thank you all, who have prayed for me and have tolerated my ranting the night before, and a huge thanks to God who has been patient and faithful.

Amen.

Looking ahead??? hmm

2006-05-31T21:45:00.000+08:00

Life's stressed is life's desserts. One of my pals quoted this in his blog and it caught my eye. This saying is not new to me but I fail to see how it can be associated with anything nice. Perhaps its all about perception.

Its been ten days since I last blogged. The last ten days were full of rush hours and bit by bit, I see my workload snowballing and turning into some huge snowball that will get the better of me sooner or later. What used to be a initially great job feels completely undesirable now. I used to think that I could be able to hold on to this job right up to the start of school in end Oct, but I seriously have other thoughts right now. I guess I'll just move on out of the job, out of that compartment in the office right after my contract expires.

I shall not bitch about my work here although deep in my heart, I wish that there was a way I could get back at some people on the other end of the line, like say something sacarstic and help them to realise that the world's not just about themselves.

I'm seizing the opportunity to blog here today given the fact that I'm on leave after two long days of overtime, and in view of the crazy thursday, friday and saturday to come.

Ten days of pure struggles did nothing for my already beaten soul. Day by day, I hate to admit it but I'm getting discouraged. It has actually hit a point where I was so vunerable that every wrong thing that came my way became a big threat to my already injured ego and it certainly wasnt a good feeling. Once more, I see myself failing to involve God in my work and my daily encounters, but invloving God sometimes feels like an uphill struggle rather than one that one should do gladly.

The only consolation I have are the friends that I have made in the department over the course of my work. My lunch hours suddenly feel so precious...the one hour in the day that I can rest my vocal chords and reduce my chances of getting high blood pressure. This jobline requires more stamina than I thought.

I happened to chat with a fellow collegue that had been working in the callcentre for ten years. I was shocked at the duration of her workyears there, and how she managed to stay there for that long. I even added that I was just approaching my second month here, and I was already gettin tired of all the nonsence there. It was a great encouragement to hear her say that she felt that I was doing well.

Not getting scolded by people early in the morning today and having the luxury of time to spend the entire day with my brother is really refreshing. It also just goes to show how hard working life can be. Well, on the brighter side of perspective, it develops me I guess. Workin hard and saving hard for school is no easy feat, and I guess this is God's way of telling me to be careful of my expenditures and the way I spend.

Last Sunday, I had the opportunity to lend a ear to T as he shared. As much as I was honoured, I was glad because T repaid the favor and lend me a really pair of enduring ears to listen to as well. Suddenly, I realised that I wasnt the only one having problems at work, and it was certainly time to do something about all these negativity in me.

Looking ahead and striving to run the race looks like such an obstacle to overcome for my weay soul, but I guess I'm not done with yet. For those who're reading this, please keep me in your prayers.

Much appreciated!

**FD**

Thoughts. Just Thoughts.

2006-05-21T01:18:00.000+08:00

Wow. Yet another week has zoomed past with such unbelievable speed. Its hard to imagine that 7 days have come and gone, and I'm sitting here once more on a early Sunday morning typing my thoughts out on this little space here.

The past week at work was mad. I made mistakes, screwed up, and of course, took multiple trips on a roller coaster ride of emotions once more. The week past by furiously slow yet fast. I messed up stuff a little at work because of my inadequate knowledge of procedures and incurred the wrath of some folks over at the other end of the office. Yet my seniors were patient and guided me along without kicking a big fuss over my silly mistakes; and that I was genuinely grateful for.

I had a change in job scope and swopped jobs with my fellow temp collegue over Thursday and Friday. Initially, the sensitive me thought that I was doing badly in my present job scope and I was...well...rather discouraged. Well, all these thoughts of negativity were unfounded; they wanted to cross train us so that we'd be able to do each other's job when either of us were absent.

Faced with a new job scope and being completely unfamiliar with the procedures, I have to admit that I was really inefficient for the past days and with new promotions coming up and calls coming in, I found it hard to breathe, literally. I shared this with my fellow temp collegue and I realised that we were in this mess together.

Something happened during the workweek that really shook me hard. I needed to go to the store to requisite some publication for my clients. The storeman was extremely impatient and told me that I came at the wrong timing, but was silent when I countered by asking when the correct timing was. As he was searching the pile of publications to see what I was looking for, the pile of materials next to it collapsed. He literally cussed enough words to fill the space he was in, and event excercised some finger muscles.

I wasnt shocked at his behavior as I had been forewarned and I met people with similar attitudes along the way. What really shocked me was how eerily my actions resembled his (the cussing and the finger excercising) when I got mad. After thanking him, I left the place not upset with him, but with deep disgust and shame with myself. How many times had I displayed this kind of behavior at home? The incident count is indeed disturbing.

Following the sharing on cell group on Friday with regards to the assurance of salvation, I was deeply shaken to hear the implications and the biblical truths, yet was thankful for the amazing grace of God and His love for us. I left the session feeling convicted, yet less accused. The insigtness of my cell members and the truth has certainly set the records right.

I had the honor of meeting my ex collegues from my ex company for makan at Chomps. Its been a long time since we last met and I'm just soooo touched that they remember me and called me out for such a gathering...After such a sucky week, its something really nice that you can be thankful for.

As I end the entry and prepare to croak tomorrow, I pray that the days in front will be blessed. Praise ya!

140506

2006-05-14T01:11:00.000+08:00

These shots were taken during one of my church's folks recent expedition. While I never really fancied the idea of walking along a nature reserve on a public holiday, the trip was a highly exciting one! Kudos to Jus who organised the trip .

Its certainly been a long time since I've last left anything on my blog. Apologies to those who have been religiously visiting this space regularly for updates. :P

It certainly feels good to be back here at an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning. While waiting for a friend to drop by, I might as well spend the time reflecting upon the past few weeks and penning them down. What I am feeling right now is akin to a student returning to his room in his hometown after having gone away for a period of time.

It's a perfectly lousy excuse, but I've been really konked out after work. Typing "Should you have any enquiries, please do not hesitate to contact me or any of our customer service officers at 6 xxx xxxx, or email us at xxxxx@xxx.com.sg" a million times a day certainly does no good for your fingers. Trust me on that one.

Answering a thousand calls made by seemingly irrational and highly emotional people makes little sense either. I'm starting to wonder if there is any sense in this world at all. While the past three weeks havent been particularly disastrous, I wont say that they were the best times in my life either. I onced considered myself "fit enough" and "seasoned" in customer service, but there is always so much more to learn.

One thing is for sure, I'm once more blessed by great collegues, a good senior, and a understanding team leader and manager who selflessly helped me in times of need. Staying overtime to do work and coming back on Saturday feels less dreary with them around. The work may be less than desirable, but the people do play a huge factor in making it better.

I was initially disappointed getting this job as I was really hoping to get a job in the events industry to have a feel how, and test the waters before school starts. I reckon the good Lord saw it much necessary to develop in me a patience and persevearance, and most importantly, the ability to handle situations, which I feel are "must haves" for anyone in that industry. Well, I made my fair share of mistakes, bit off way more than what I could, coz I did too many things my own way, but the good Lord has been faithful.

I visited a close pal today. M's one of those chums I feel confident of having my entire life, and in my opinion, he was one of those gosdends who helped me keep my sanity in school, watched out for me and even stood up for me at his own expense. Somehow, I'm just super thankful for a pal like him, and for the fact that we are still in touch. Its amazing indeed. Something happened that made me treasure life and the people we have around us. Point taken!

M, if you're reading this by any chance, my heartfelt appreciation goes to ya and do remember that God is in control!

As I end off my long due entry, I just pray...for God to be in control. God bless all of ye!

WaHhh

2006-04-25T07:36:00.000+08:00

Woo. Its crowded in here isnt it?

Like I promised, it was really hot in herre at my place last Friday. The reading on the thermostat read 32 deg! By God’s grace, we managed to fit in almost twenty people in my little house. More amazing was the fact that we actually managed to have a good soup out of something seemingly orthodox and unconventional, and I really hope everyone enjoyed as much as I did.

The beginnings were humble. We just wanted a small cosy steamboat that served healthy food to a small group of people. As the days went by, the invitation list grew and so did the food list! Now it almost resembles the Lord ’s Supper, and I’m glad that things went on smoothly and that we had a wonderful time together J

For one, I think it was a prayer answered. As I ponder on Pst Joshua’s sermon that came a few months back, I thank God that I was very able to prepare for such a big event as a first timer, yet do it with the peace and grace of God. Nevertheless, I want to thank my dearest mother and eldest aunt who were really busy with me the whole day, and who took much effort to prepare the ingredients.

I was really touched by their enthusiasm and involvement. My aunt gave me a prep lesson on the basics of soup making, and went about getting all the ingredients beforehand. My mom went around shopping for stuff, and was on her feet with me the entire day, and even during the event itself, to make sure things went smoothly! The two ladies were occupied the whole day preparing the dishes and cooking the stuff.

At this juncture, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who turned up, contributed in your priceless ways and made the event such a roaring success! Now you know why we see the same old faces in any logistics team for the church, ha-ha.

I had the mind to take pictures of the preparations right till the event, but I was so tied up myself that I hardly found the time to take any pictures. Feeling bad for making my mom stay up on Friday; I apologized to her on Sat morning. To my surprise, she said that she had actually enjoyed preparing for the event and that it really helped to take her mind off her workload.

To the backache, the cuts and the fatigue I experienced that day…nothing is comparable to the immeasurable joy I felt being able to serve in such a manner. The joy of fellowshipping outweighs anything else I guess.

Whoo.

The gathering on Friday spells my second week at work. While I enjoy it despite the occasional tongue lashing I get from frustrated people, I like the business and the dynamics of a call centre. I can hardly afford to have time to feel bored! On top of that, this job has plenty of opportunities for me to OT…hehe. Naturally I’m on a little favor of that cause I get to earn more and save up for school.

On another hand, I find it unhealthy because the workaholic side of me is showing up. Other than my roaring tummy, I doubt I would have found the motivation to pack up and go home. On the other hand, I have things to do at home. I have to fulfill my responsibility as my son, an elder brother, and of course, sleep.

I actually opted out of singing this week for service, and missed my BS session with Melvin (SORRY!) because of my body yelling at me to catch some sleep. If this is the direction I’m headed towards, I’d really need to do something about it.

Sleep is something I’d really want to catch up on, and my body’s finding ways to tell me to get more rest and exercise. Physically and mentally, I feel like I’m 42, not a 24 to be. I just had a wonderful swim on Sunday, and I was surprised at how stretched I could feel, yet amazed at how fast my energy levels dwindled after that.

As I struggle with my never ending commitments and my irrational endeavors to run myself in overdrive mode and achieve them, I received a meaningful email. Excerpts of the mail as shown:

But God gave us twenty-four hours each day to accomplish our tasks and oh how we chafe under the restraint. Then we try to accomplish more than time allows. We place
ourselves under huge amounts of self-imposed stress.

As we do so, we also fight against God. We fail to recognize it cannot be God's will to pack more into twenty-four hour day than will fit. Because we don't like God's time constraints, we push ourselves. We get up early. We go to bed late. Yet the list of work
grows and stress grows too.

Look at what the Bible says, "It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors" (Psalm 127:2). The word "vain" means "deception." It is a deception to get up early, to cram the day with activities, to retire late, and to
see each day as a day of "painful labor," only to repeat the cycle again. Why? You will not receive that for which you work. Because you are forgetting God, you are not using each day properly. Psalm 118:24 says, "This is the day the Lord has made." Remembering the Author of time and setting priorities will reduce stress.

In moments like these, I am not ashamed to admit that I’m probably struggling with despondency at times because I’m not handling things in the right manner.

God help me.

For now, I cling on to this phrase: Be Privileged, Positive and Persevering. John 17 tells us why. J

Stunned

2006-04-10T20:49:00.000+08:00

Wow. The week passes so fast, and its been a WEEK! since I last updated this space. Last Monday saw me being "fired", this Monday saw me starting my first day at my new workplace.

I was still pretty in a state of daze when I left my ex workplace last week. Although deep in my heart I knew that that was not the place for me to be in, I was still unsure if I had made the right choice in moving on. I went back for a "farewell" lunch on Tuesday, where I really enjoyed the company and the fun we had over lunch..

On Tuesday, I spotted this job opportunity as an events assistant. Naturally I was super excited and called up straight away. I went down for the interview full of hope, but I guess that wasnt the right place for me to be at that point in time. I didnt make it thru the second round! Wahaha.

Nevertheless, I thank God for a really efficient person by the name of Jaz...haha. A super enthusiastic and bubbly person I got to know. She's been of great help in keeping a lookout for me, and before I knew it, I was penning down details for my new job offer and attending an interview on Friday.

I wasnt really expecting to get the job cause I slept really late on Wed night, and as could be expected, was kinda zombified on the day itself. I was really nervous but the manager was super disarming. We had an interview over the wine counter in the pantry, and I was almost expecting to be offered some red wine during the interview itself!

Surprise surprise. In 30 mins flat I recieved the good news that I had been accepted, and "they liked me so much" that they extended my minimal contract to 3 months. I could stay indefinetly if I wanted.Ooo.

Saturday saw me doing street E's for the first time. Now to those who know me well, I always regarded this area as my weakness. I was really apprehensive about doing it in the first place, but after a period of learning, discovery and spritual prompting, I decided to go for it. At the end of it, I realised that it was not about "how ready I was", but the condition of my heart and my level of faith.

I was rather nervous, but I had a great time learning from James, who apparently was really experienced in this area of ministry. I'd like to thank James for his patience and the deep chat we had along the way, plus all of those who came along for being encouraging and supportive in their own special way.

I was deeply touched as the topic of "suffering" spoke to me greatly. Somehow, I prayed that this topic would strike deep into the hearts of those we were to minister to. Lo and behold! I met Tom, who was really an answered prayer in every sense. He was simply the highlight of the event. God is amazing!

I am thankful that
1) I finally got out of my ex job
2) I had a one week break!
3) I've a new job in less than a week.

For the past few weeks, I was in a state of searching and self reflection. I look on my spritual life and I wonder how far I have moved since the day I first came to be exposed to Christian teaching. I realised that at times, my knowledge of the Bible seemed inadequate. As I questioned myself, I was seeking the reasons behind my "slow" spritual progress.

Amidst all the involvement in the ministries that I am in now, I fear that I may have lost touch of the big picture. I fear that I could have been serving for the wrong reasons, but I do feel a strong sense of spritual passion for the ministries I am involved in.

Sometimes, I fear that I may develop this sprit of arrogance and self exaltation. May the good Lord humble my heart and keep me in check.

As I reflect on my walk with God, I am reminded of the need to be humble and seeking, not only in my spritual walk, but in the daily activities that I do. Christ's Humuilty was one of the impactful messages I've heard so far, and one that convicts me and puts my heart to shame.

God help me.

I have nothing to say about my new job, coz its the first day, but its a freezer in there (20 degrees), and the job's certainly exciting!

This time, I am DETERMINED not to repeat my mistake. May God be my daily companion thru every season of the soul.

To end off, I'd like to thamk the so many people who've been a great source of encouragement and support. Thank God for all of U.

Shalom!

Parents, realise your worth!

2006-04-05T19:00:00.000+08:00

Came across this interesting article on the newspapers on-the-road, and was rather moved by the contents.

Strikes a chord in me somewhere, cause I can more or less relate to this lonely child in the article. I was fortunate enough, however, not to fall into deliquency or severe behavioural problems, thanks to the grace of our Heavenly Father.

To all fathers out there, please realise that you have an important role in the family, one that material nor wealth can fulfill!

While this article mentioned articles, I hope all parents will make the effort to spend quality time with their children. Such is the rentless pursuit of wealth and material gains in this fast paced society of ours that some of us cant even spend more than 5 hours of quality time with our children each day.

I certainly hope that despite my decision to join the events industry, I will have the luxury of spending quality time with my wife and children... :)

The Emancipation of Frazzie

2006-04-03T19:21:00.000+08:00

24 hours a day. 7 days a week. 365 days a year. That’s what is given to us. How we utilize it is up to us!

Time is precious indeed. I find myself in a constant battle for time, time and more time to juggle between work, personal commitments and time for myself plus indulging in the things I want to do. Over the weekends, I wish I had more time to spend with my family and myself.

On Thursday night, I had a bad relapse of gastric pains. It had already hit me since Tues, but I didn’t want to see a doctor as I regarded it as a minor problem. However, the pain was so bad that I couldn’t even sleep on Thursday night. The end result was a zombie-fied me dragging my feet to the clinic. I was SO tired that my aunt had to wave in front of me before I realized that I had actually bumped into her along the way.

As I waited for 30mins, freezing in the otherwise undercooled common space of the clinic; I started thinking about the state of mind I was in. The confusion and struggles were certainly getting to me and making me a bitter and paranoid person.

I had a chance to chat with my doctor about work and even managed to tell him more about the products I sell. He offered words of encouragements before proclaiming that I had gastric flu and some viral infection.

Now that explains the lethargy and the body aches I’ve been experiencing the whole week. As I’m typing this on a Monday, I’m still pretty worn out by the experience. I napped for a record breaking 5 hours

A week of mad work, cell meetings and the weekends have come and gone by. Friday’s cell was a simple presentation on the 5Cs of evangelism, yet ideas flowed and we ended up doing in much deeper (or was it further?) than we expected. It was a great time of sharing and I was glad we were able to learn from each other. I shared about my struggles with work and gained invaluable perspective from folks who were already in the working world. As for me, I learnt how to be more effective in my spiritual skills in that area. God be willing, I want to be a fisher of men!
Saturday zoomed past so fast, that I didn’t even remember what went on. Sunday was a more interesting day. I attended my first church anniversary (it’s really my first!!) and I was really touched by how a “small” church like ours had big hearts for God. Everyone was working hard to make sure that things were in place, such that the celebrations went on as smooth as possible.

As for me, it was really gratifying as this was one of the few times I actually got off my lazy bum and chose to be involved in the logistics team for this event. Through this, my heart was humbled and I experienced the joy of serving and giving.

The highlight of the event was the sound system in the car park. With a great team of Ad, Art and Mel plus myself, we took down the ancient speakers and wired up the new ones. I was pretty amazed by the improvement in the sound itself, more so on how I was so privileged to be blessed in this area.

On that very night, I had a chat with one great gentleman I got to know recently. M’s a really insightful person and I felt really blessed to have him in my life. I thank God that He has sent this blessing to share unselfishly his learning and experiences!

One thing was for sure though. I was greatly reminded of the very basis of our belief, in JC Himself. At this juncture, I felt convicted. How many times did I actually place my wholehearted belief in Him while things were going haywire? I felt this great need to come before Him and surrender my life.

Monday, yet another day back to the same old place. I called some religious schools today. The B schools didn’t mind placing a listing with us and were extremely polite and friendly over the phone. In contrast, the C and C schools were rather edgy and declined to place a listing as they felt that their course attendees were “referred” by churches and that was no need to create publicity for themselves.

Couldn’t help but feel bewildered. Why were the responses of that of the B and the C institutions of learning so different? I hope wouldn’t display this spirit of exclusiveness when it comes to sharing the goodness of God.

On my MC, I wrote a small note to my manager, sharing with her how I felt that it was of an uphill struggle for me to continue with my telesales stint, and how I was plain frustrated with my inferior command of Chinese to communicate effectively. She was nice and took time to share my concerns and well, I was surprised to learn that in her opinion, I wasn’t doing so badly after all.

However, I voiced my intentions to move on, and although I could sense hesitation in her voice, she agreed to let me go.

I’m officially unemployed now. I walked out of my workplace feeling so much lighter and emancipated.

At this juncture, I’d like to have a little Thanksgiving session:

My aunt: Thanks for passing me your National a/cs! They rock.

Acts 1:8, Ad, Mel N, Mel C, Ferg, Viol and JH: Thanks for praying for me and keeping me sane thru this 1 month.

YPTMTeam: It’s a privilege working with ya lads, lets keep the friendship goin!

Lastly but not least, God, who maketh all things beautiful in His time.

Untitled

2006-03-30T22:55:00.000+08:00

Things have been happening lately that somehow pushed me into this state of mind I'm in, of confusion, struggles and fear.

This week, I struggled alot with my temper. I wasnt nagged so much at, but I was really driven up the wall by the attitudes of some people.

Monday and tuesday seemed like they took 96 hours rather than 48 hours. With that state of mind, I was constantly in deep thought and reflection. I kept thinking of the past...how things took place and finally ended up like that

I struggle with my faith. I find it hard to comprehend how I could really pull through this two more months without smashing the monitor or just throwing in the towel. Know how I feel?

My close collegue got sacked on Tues and that really shook me. I started getting paranoid. I heard of rumours that two temp staff were coming in to replace "us". I was expecting myself to be the next to go. However, I was on leave on Wednesday, so I told my collegue to update me on any happenings.

Wednesday, a day of dust, noise and cool relief plus a blast of music finally came and went. The call never came, and I was surprised not to see my seat taken over by someone else. On the table, there was yet but another order form. God's really great at surprising me by placing order forms on my table and making sure thats the 1st thing I see on my table.

Still mentally preparing myself to be sacked, I called my agent to keep her prepared. I was surprised to hear that she doubted that I would be asked to leave and that there was no negative feedback about me. Wow.

Yet as the day passed, it was increasingly hard to focus..I was struggling and it seems like I was about to break.

I wish I could be fired yet ahead lies so many question marks.

God help me!

Suffering

2006-03-27T18:35:00.000+08:00

Why is there suffering in this world?

I’m sure this is an oft-asked question asked by the human race, on a direct or indirect basis. Personally speaking, this is a question I don’t throw out that often, but I do have moments where I question the need to allow suffering into this world.

“Suffering” is not a bad thing in itself. Sometimes, it is what you make up of it. I take no pleasure in admitting that I do get confronted in moments that I define as suffering: inner doubts and struggles, conflict, emotional traumas etc. We may have brought suffering upon ourselves, or we might be victims of someone else’s misdemeanors.

Someone once mentioned that you do not have control of what comes crashing into you (90%), but you can CHOOSE how you respond to it (10%). While the proportion seems comically disproportionate, it is the 10% that makes the difference. You can let it ruin your day, or you can take it in your stride and enjoy the beautiful remaining moments ahead.

Last Friday, in response to several of my teammates’ disillusionment and low morale, we attended a prep talk by our training manager. Once more, I am reminded of the fact that what breaks us either kills us or makes us stronger. The choice is ours and ours alone.

It’s hard to keep check on our emotions and take things in a positive light, but we gotta try and rise up above our problems.

Sometimes the “sufferings” in your life allow you to see other things you normally don’t see. In times of bad, you can now see your true friends and family members rallying around to help and support you through your period of crisis. Helping someone to tide over their crisis while you are in your own helps you too look beyond your problems and in the process, mature in friendship and self-development.

I was fortunate enough to have great families and wonderful friends, believers and non believers alike, who listened, encouraged, and even lent a shoulder to cry own. In my own right, I hope I will be able to repay them the favor, and in a greater measure.

What matters more is not how much you have suffered, or how much are you suffering, but your ATTITUDE towards your present condition. You have the CHOICE.

And so do I.

220306

2006-03-22T21:44:00.000+08:00

Looking back, its been about three months since I embarked on the journey of blogging online. What I can say is that this personal little space of mine in the vast world of the internet has been close to my heart. it knows my ups and downs, my joy and sorrow, and my inner thoughts.

This blog has also helped me express myself better. My inability and my reluctance to share and open up had resulted in my heart being hardened and my emotions being suppressed. With this, I am able to better express myself (in words) and in retrospect, I do not suffer from the aftermath of suppressed feelings :P

Expressing my thoughts in writing allows me to revisit the things I write about. In times of bad, as I pen down the posts, I'm able to revisit the situation(s) from a more positive light, identify the learning points and learn from my mistakes.

I hope this site encourages those who may be facing similar situations that I'm writing about. Be hopeful.

As fast as the weekends flew by, I realise I'm typing this on a Wednesday night. My previous post was posted on a Sunday, and that was way before a very uplifting and encouraging chat I had online with Prof Shao.

What seemed like a regular chat session progressed into one where Shao shared his heart for his ministry and the vision impressed upon him. Candidly speaking, I was impressed upon with a similar vision and it was certainly exciting to know that God has teamed us up to complete this mission for Him. As much as Shao felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one who was impressed upon this responsibility, I was relieved to receive this affirmation.

On hindsight, I'm thankful that God seems to be reminding me once more that there's more to this job I'm stuck in, and that I've every reason to be excited and passionate for His works waiting to be fulfilled through me. Because of that, I learn to look beyond my problems (my work) and learn focus on the big picture.

Shao, as we work towards our mission, may our faith be strengthened and stand tall through the test of time and trials. Amen?

Monday was a relatively quiet day. As time goes by, I get to know my team mates better and better. I'm truly appreciative of their presence in my life, they're this motivating factor that makes me wanna go work. Sales was way bad for that day, but the highlight was that we (the believers in our group) actually prayed for God's intervention.

To add on to the highlight, I was actually impressed by God to pray for this particular person. Somehow, the words just flowed and I was very touched when the person affirmed that I had just prayed for his needs (without him telling me what they were).

Somehow, God seems to be using me in ways I've never known or explored before. Praying for my cell members isn’t a habit of mine, let alone my colleagues.

To top of off, I had the privilage of having dinner in town with a great bunch of bros(no pics tho). I can’t believe that we actually sat at BK for more than an hour, chatting and crapping. What a fun experience indeed...I actually suffered from tummy aches from all the prolonged laughter.

I ended Monday with a fabulous note, but more surprises awaited me on Tues. Our sales did pick up (Praise God!) and as I was just joking that I should have prayed for myself coz those I prayed for closed deals, my order forms actually came in. For deserts, I had customers calling in to ask more about the product...and I was simply blown away.

All this happened after I was harboring thoughts of getting myself fired so that I won’t have to pay the early contractual termination fees. Fergus and Adrian were two nice accommodating folks who entertained and encouraged me thru that dreary day.

Wednesday--the day where most of us suffer from the midweek crisis--came and flew past without much mayhem, but I'm counting on God for sustenance for Thurs and Fri...I'm tired!

God Bless.

Whaddya wanna be?

2006-03-19T21:23:00.000+08:00

Good day bloggie.

Here's the weekend come and gone again SOON. This weekend's gotta be the most welcome relief to another not so likable week at work..had dinner with cell on Friday night, and went out thereafter. Without getting any sleep on Fri, I actually managed to stay out for the whole day on Saturday :)

How did I survive the past week? I was singled out, frustrated, and in my opinion, stuck in a job I didnt want to be in. I felt stigmatised by the environs..felt dejected by the times things went wrong.

Yet God's amazing grace once more pulled me thru the entire week. I feel the need to be constantly depending on Him rather than trying to achieve something with my bare hands. Unless the Lord builds the house, the workers labor in vain. This has been a verse that has been stuck in my head, and I hope I do live by that.

How do I deal with my frustration? How do I keep my anger in check, when I feel that I've been wronged? I stay calm and I try to put myself in the other's person shoes. With what I can possibily percieve as their reactions, I can better understand why the are reacting in that particular manner. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Thats #2.

Fergus sent me some interesting and useful tips on cold-calling, and I'm thankful of that. I've fowarded it to my collegues, and I hope that it helps them as much as it has benefited me. i certainly hope I'm not infringing on any copyrights here :)

Dragging my sleepy and CO clouded mind to Paradiz Centre, I attended an interesting sharing session on Saturday. While this is an area which I used to shy away from, I surprised even myself by actually looking foward to it, and to being a part of it I'm thankful for the opportunity to once more expose myself to new knowledge and opportunities. While I'm hesitant to give a straight OK to the nice folks who've invited me to be a part of their team, my answer isnt a sure NO. Heh.

The sermons covered during the past few weeks have really set my mind thinking..and pondering over facts. I struggle with evangelism as I had the opinion that I wasnt cut out for it, and that there were other ways to serve other than in the area of evangelism. Learning from the past few messages have drastically altered my perception about that subject issue.

What matters to me more is how I am living my life, and the corrective actions that I may have taken in a bid to straighten out my tangled life. I'm thankful that I've already taken off a huge rubber band off my shoulder this year,and a BIG stronghold at that.

I realise once more that it is essential that I set a good example to those around me that I may represent the body of Christ in an manner that is pleasing to God, and as an example to those around me.

This is what I wanna achieve:

1) An encouragement to others: May my words be of salt and grace, and of encouragement to others.

2) Using what God has blessed me to serve: I dont wish to put God's blessing to waste. I hope to develop my talents and use them in a righteous manner.

3) Overcoming my shyness and low self esteem: Well...I am trying :)

4) And of course, overcome my fears of evangelism.

What do you wanna be?

Everything in His time

2006-03-15T22:17:00.000+08:00

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and try to pray
and in the silence I can here Him say

The river runs and the river hides
out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
everything in its time.

Apologies for yesterday's lousy post. Just needed to get stuff all my chest.

Was trying to get over my disappointement and my dejection over yesterday's period of down. To be frank, I wasnt that upset anymore but I certainly wasnt expecting any miracles either.

Thats where I was completely wrong. God works in surprising ways. I'm reminded of the fact that God breaks us down so that we can come to him once more...and be reminded of his gracious mercy and grace.

Had a short briefing where we were given some feedback on our performances so far...and after that, I had a little chat with my manager. I shared about my issues and doubts, and she agreed to help me and identify where I could have went wrong.

At the end of it, she mentioned:" I havent given up on you yet, so you shouldnt be giving up on yourself."

What a shock. To be frank, I was expecting her to really holler at me...heh.

Well..what came after that was a complete surprise...I managed to "secure" a deal speaking in CHINESE.. my my my...

After lunch, I had more surprises. I had two orders coming in with payment details. It really came as such a pleasant surprise!

I'm just very thankful that God was so gracious as to have seen the struggles of my heart, and in His own manner, shown me that He still cares and not all hope is lost. Shamelessly, I had despaired in vain and almost sinned by not trusting, but He was gracious enough to have overlooked that and provided so much more.

In all, I pray that my faith will stand the test of time and circumstances, and not be wavered by such happenings.

At this point in time, I would like to thank:

1) God, for His amazing love and grace

2) The entire YP team, who have, in your own ways, kept me sane in this craziness and for being such nice folks.

3) I'm certain there exists my solid prayer warriors who upheld me in their prayers and have been a great source of encouragement. You know who you are. Thank You so much!!

Ciao

the battles within

2006-03-14T19:46:00.000+08:00

What is the truth? Am I that far from it?

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
my heart just wants to bleed and stop
believing in me

What is the truth? Am I far from it?

The battles within me rage. Part of me wants to give it all up and call it quits. The other part of me still wants to press on.

Two days of workweek's enough to drive me mad..made calls to 66 folks on monday that spoke languages I wasnt profecient in. Worse still, all those attempts got me nowhere. I'm truly truly tired and sick of all this...

Worse still, I had this really nasty person over the phone that really left me in such a foul mood that I contemplated not doing anything for the rest of the day.

Still, peace settled upon me and I found the strength to drag my weary and burderned heart, plus my unhelpful now swollen toe thru the day and to where I was supposed to be.

I found no peace today. Woke up, forgot my wallet. Was late for work, and it seems like I've been dealing with non humans but animals instead. The only reason for cheer was a encouragement SMS sent, and that was it.

On top of that, I recieved an SMS from my ex company asking of I would like to temp with them for 6 months. Heck, I wish I could just quit this freaking job and move on to somewhere with more prospects and less despair.

Perhaps Teck Wee was right. I cant depend on people to keep me going...I have to self motivate.And how do you do that when doors keep getting slammed in your face?

Perhaps I should have taken my chinese lessons more seriously. Perhaps I should have been more agrresive. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. It seems too late to do anything now.

Am I on the verge of giving up on myself? I hope not.

Dropped a note to my mgr who looked really stressed. Expressed our appreciation for her help and guidance.

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again

Goodbye.

frayon the limping crayon

2006-03-11T21:32:00.000+08:00

To my fella soundfolks...be careful while you walk around in slippers!

I made a big mistake wearing slippers to church today. Was setting up the system for demo when I tripped over one of the stage monitors. The aged stage monitor has several sharp edges (its not the road carpet finish they use these days) and I really had a great time trying to stop the bleeding.

Aww man. My toe is rather sore now, and I hope it wont cause too much of a problem wearing shoes....I have to!

This week passed by hard and fast. Being caught up with the expectation of the sales line is really something new and overwhelming to me. I had tension headaches for half a week, and was really munching my way throughout the entire workday.Well, the values of that of a sales person differs from mine at times. I always believed that if a buyer is ready, the sale will go through. Otherwise, it may just be a waste of time.

Some hardcore sales reps may shake their head in disagreement with what I said, but I really am not used to cornering people into committing into stuff. My approach would be to give the person some time to consider.

Oh well. That could be the reason why I hit rather low sales quotas in my course of work. Still, I thank God for the job, the working hours, and the great colleagues and manager...and NOT FORGETTING the ONE SALE i finally made! Wahaha.

Oh yeah. On wed nite, we made a pact amongst ourselves to wear RED to the call centre, and on thurs, all of us, including our manager, trainer and sales manager wore RED! It was just between us. I wonder how they got to know about it! Hahaha..the little things u can take delight in.

However, there were several great moments this week. Out of curiosity, I attended a small meeting of an MLM firm that deals with this really interesting healthcare products. For one, I was comfortable with the size of the group (it was just a few of us at this gentleman's place). Absent was the feeling of suppression and dominance usually associated with most MLM gatherings I have attended. For some reason, I felt completely at ease. These are the reasons why...

1) I had a trustworthy person sitting next to me
2) The hospitality was great, the setting was swell.
3) The speaker was extremely affable and disarming.

I not only learnt about this interesting product that they were marketing, but also drew inspiration from the speaker himself and what was discussed that day. If God wills....hahaha.

Friday was cell group...and it being at my cozy place, I looked forward to it even more so. It still amazes me how God has put do many of His unique creations to gather for a divine purpose and learn from each other. I'm inspired by each and every one of my cell members, and yes, I'm honoured to be hosting the sessions. :) My brother Leon joined us for cell, and I was really glad that he made the effort to!

We had a dear sister who made a guest appearance to share on the topic of evangelism, and I was glad to have this opportunity to have my questions answered and my doubts confronted. Indeed, I am more confident to explore in this area now, and I pray that God will continue to develop me.

Saturday....the day I hurt my toe real bad, yet one of the days I really look forward to. The week's been really mad, but I thank God for the opportunity to look beyond the workweek into the beautiful weekends. Had worship prac this noon, and it was a blessed time filled with laughter!! Well, L&E, I hope I wasnt too corny for your taste...thats what happens when I drink too much corn soup. Thanks for being patient and accommodating.

Was also greatly blessed by the time spent with James, my CL. We went to this lovely eatery to have our dinner and chatted along the way. I'm thankful for the interactions I have with all those around me! James has also been successfully infected with the "accent virus" that I've passed on to him! Hahaha..ying ge po ying ge?

What a week to weep, yet to laugh. I treasure these moments I get to laugh, and when my heart is filled with burden and when expectations heap on me, I treasure them even more so.

A few notes..

JS: SUPER glad to have you back with us!!! Yipee!!
TW and Eu: Now that your "secrets" have been revealed, the cell dosent have to sing accapella anymore.
Ad: Thanks for the exposure bro!
Vio: Thanks for being my prayer warrior!!
Kevin: Great to have you supporting me...I'd be lost without the songs..HAHA.
CL: I knew you could do it, but I'm super glad that you got this far!
To M, A, C: Thanks for all the fun on Saturday morning.
ACTS18: Way to go, brudders.

To all at YP: YOU ROCK!!

The Memoirs of a tele-geisha

2006-03-08T22:17:00.000+08:00

I'm writing this with a massive headache..moments ago I just downed two Panadol Extras with coke in a bid to kill the pain in my head. Had it since noon...and its been affecting my eyesight ever since.

This isnt the first time I'm experiencing such bad headaches. It happened during my stint in SCDF...and it was so bad, I could have had headaches for a week. The shocking fact is that its sinus related. Today's episode was a classic example..I was sniffing thru the entire day and I nosebled in the shower.

Training's over and I'm into work proper. This is the first time I'm in the sales line..and making phone calls instead of people calling me. I've faxed, mailed and emailed so much in a day, more than I've ever done in any day in my entire life. I've spoken till I could finish ten bottles of water in a day and hit the loo every 30mins. The last few days saw hopes dashed, targets not met..and lots of disappointments.

My manager, who was very concerned, mentioned that my call time was low, and indicated that I should engage in longer conversations. She hoped by doing that, I could increase my sales potential. She was very encouraging throughout, but somehow I do not see the link between spending more time on calls and getting more sales.

Oh well. Maybe thats where I've failed.If thats the case, God help me to change. I think there is still a long way for me to go before I grasp the concept, and I hope that I will be given the opportunity to learn and develop.

The last few days and hours saw my stress level rise and rise and rise, but I thank God for blessinf me with a understanding manager and great collegues who were there to encourage and to uphold..you somehow feel that they are genuine and trustworthy, and not those who'd steal your deals to earn commission. I take comfort that these are the little things I still can give thanks for amidst the amounting pressure and disappointment.

Above all, I see it as a lesson, a development of faith, patience and character and I pray that God will see me through this. At times, I really wish for a life that is mine, but I am very much reminded that life is a learning journey and the Refiner's fire is at work within us.

I'd like to thank all those around me who have in your own special ways, kept me going, from encouaraging and assuring me, and even keeping me busy with other commitments(work is not everything). I hope my post will be an encouragement to those, who, in their own way, are ascending their huge mountain.

bless ya
Fraser JOE

comeback post

2006-03-05T23:23:00.000+08:00

Heyy!!

I know it’s been donkey ages since I last updated, but having found a new job, I’ve been on course for Wed and Thursday. We were supposed to start on Friday, but things took on a slower pace. So we start on Monday.

Apologies to those who have waited. I’m excited about this new job; it’s an answered prayer to me. I hoped for an office hour job, so as to be able to serve in the sound and vocalist ministry for church. This job is something new as it involves telesales, but the pay’s pretty good, and there’s commission for sales. Above all, I believe that it’s a learning experience. I get to learn some sales talk and I believe it helps me polish my communication skills and speech ability.

The first day wasn’t scary at all. At least there were some folks who were of my age and day by day, we progressed in friendship. Well, it’s comforting to know that you’d probably face tough customers, but you still have a group of pals and a manager to fall back on. Above all, I place my faith in God for guidance and providence. On Thurs noon, I risked going to town for lunch and ended being late for my training session! Thank goodness I didn’t miss anything that much and I wasn’t scolded.

On Friday, we had a short role play session. I was thankful to know that I didn’t perform so badly at all. I was rather worried that I would totally freeze the moment it was my turn. Having the opportunity to learn and to speak in public certainly comes in useful in times like these.

On Saturday, I had a blast of a time cycling with Mel and YY. We took the connecting routes from Bishan and ended up at Kallang before we decided to head backwards. Cycling is one hot passion of mine and I’m really glad to have cycled with the company of two great folks. Melvin…u ROCK! Haha. I’m super thankful that I had to chance to enjoy my cycling trip before embarking on my job proper. Thank God!

Today, I attended this short course on opportunities for sound engineers today with a great ol pal of mine from SCDF. I was greatly encouraged to hear that there were many opportunities for the aspiring sound engineers today, and that the school that I am intending to pursue my studies with was labeled as an excellent institute of learning, by this top notch audio engineer himself. Had a great time after that, just walking around and catching up. ABG Nas! You’re the man. You can do it.

Above all, I pray that God will grant me a humble heart, that I may continue to serve in church out of humility, and continue to be used by God in His amazing ways.

Cheers!

Food for thought

2006-02-28T22:11:00.000+08:00

A new chapter

2006-02-28T09:48:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 9am to the tune of Mariah's "We Belong Together" playing on my phone. It was a call from my agent, informing me that I was selected for the job that I went for the interview yesterday.

It took me some time to absorb it. After a period of trying, I finally came to this positive conclusion.

Three months of cold calls, development of character, patience testing and building up of communication skills will soon come. I believe this is an opportunity for me to train up for bigger things to come, and God bless me.

Lookin back at the interview yesterday, it was really amazing. I'm thankful that I wore shirt and pants, (altho jeans were supposed to be ok). Everyone else was dressed equally professionally! I was nervous while waiting for my turn, but I believe that God's comfort was upon me as I sat there.

I was also asked to elaborate on my previous job experiences, the good times and the bad. Was also asked on my opinions of a good telemarketer, and how confident I was of the company's product.

To which I related my experiences, and I sincerely told her that I favoured the company's product over searching for information over the Web.

When she ended by asking me if I had any questions, I asked her on what the company's product was (I realised she had not mentioned abt it). She told me:"I'm glad you asked", and proceeded to explain.

After twenty long minutes, she( the interviewer) drew a close by saving that she was "impressed by me". We had a super firm handshake after that, but I wasnt sure that I would land the job till the fateful call this morning.

Looking back, it amazes me that how God could really work in us. I came as a nervous and inexperienced interviewee, but somehow the words and the responses just flowed.

Praise God.

As I look towards the next three months, Thy will be done!

To all those who have prayed alongside with me, thank you so much!

Ciao
Fraser

thanksgiving.

2006-02-27T12:05:00.000+08:00

I'm heading down to YellowPages later for a job interview as a cust care pers. And because I may be doing some sales, I get a commission on top of my basic pay. I work office hours (Maybe Saturdays as well) and best of all....its near my place!

What more can I ask for? I hope I get it. Wednesday will be my first day then.

PTL!

Dots...

2006-02-26T16:13:00.000+08:00

Am I selfish?

I feel that I am. What happened was that we were sharing our prayer requests during cell on Friday, and it suddenly hit me that my prayers were self centered. Many of my cell members prayed for empowerment to be more effective servants for God. As for me, my prayers focused more on my needs, e.g. finding a good job, favor amongst people etc etc.

Truly, I feel that I have come to be selfish. The desire to serve God in areas of reaching out to people and witnessing seem foreign to me these days. Its been lightyears since I prayed for empowerment and blessings in this area. I dont know why, but this feeling suddenly struck me out of the blue and I felt accused. It was literally a slap to the face.

Oh well. Perhaps its time I do some soul searching, to question myself, to push myself to seek God's direction in this area of ministry. Perhaps its time to break out of my comfort zone, and develop myself in this area. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

On another note, I felt encouraged that Mien put in alot of effort into completing her BS homework despite her crazy work schedule. Way to go sis!

Eugene, James, Teck Wee ,Adrian and Kelvin, thanks for hearing me out and expressing your opinions to my thoughts and for your encouragement.

Here comes Saturday, and I'm having a run at Serangoon with TW in the early hours of the morning. We had a great time working out our lungs, and had a LIVE reanactment of Brokeback Mountains. For details, go smile at Teck Wee!

Whatever it was, I think we're allergic to people wearing skimpy red singlets now.

Spent the afternoon at this lovely tea house along Neil Road, and thats where we sat down to appreciate chinese tea and made use of the occasion to celebrate the birthday of a close family friend. The Chinese tea culture is interesting as it comes, and offers a welcome respite from my daily routine of English tea, coffee and Coke.

I'd like to go chill out at this place once more with the company of friends.

I'm ending this post here because I need to rest early, kinda injured my back doing log lifting the wrong way, and I'm now having a sneak preview of how it feels like to be seventy with all the body and back aches.

Some special notes:

CL: Glad to know you're back safe. May the good Lord continue to bless and watch over you and all at home.

J.S : PLEASE keep us updated so we can uphold you in prayer.

Apologies for the lousy post.

Durians on my head

2006-02-23T21:53:00.000+08:00

Tanjong Pagar!

The Fullerton by day. Cant wait to go down by night to capture the sights!

B&W Shot of the Esplanades..I like.

YO!

I'm writing this as I've just completed some basic weight lifting regime of mine. Simple sets of lifting done over an extended period of time keeps my arms in shape. Its bad that I'm skinny enough..haha. Nah. I'm just excercising to keep my health in check.

I didnt realise how Esplanadish my hair could be until I went for a haircut today...and I realised that my hair loves to stand up. Even the hairdresser says so, and I guess I'd have to use more wax then anyone else to keep it in control :P

Today was one of the most eventful day I had over the past few months. I woke up a little earlier to the call of my agent giving me a buzz. Yes, she had found a job position that I could possibly fill up and asked me over for an interview.I literally rushed down to town to attend.

I was VERY thankful that this time round, it wasnt the case of an MLM company, but that of a stat board. In the midst of my interview, I opened another door for an opoortunity for me to work in a telco company.The pay is GOOD!

These two jobs may require long hours and may eat into my weekends. While I dont mind working late on Mondays to thursdays and attend cell on Fridays, I'm worried about the weekends.

For those who know me well, Saturdays are housework days and Sundays are reserved for family and church. Sundays are more important to me now that I'm involved in two ministries that require active participation.

Well, I've worked retail hours before. Its not so bad but the hours are rather haphazardous.

I'm stuck. Dont wanna leave Melvin, my other team member in the PA team alone. God, please provide in this area of my ministries.On top of that, I've this important project I've been helping in. :P

On another hand, I'm very thankful that my prayers in this area have been more or less answered. To my friends who are in this process too, I wish ya the very best!

A big thanks to those of you who have been so generously kind and remembering me in your prayers. In return, let me pray for you. Haha...

Blessings always
Fraser

Speak Chinese!

2006-02-22T21:47:00.000+08:00

Hi peeps.

Its been three days since I last updated this site. I intended to do so last night(since I normally create new entry every two days) but I was way too caught up to do that last night.

Spent the last few days (and nights) looking up job offers on the Net, the papers and by word. To date, I think I have sent almost eight resumes so far.Doinks. This has gotta be the only time I sent so much resumes and have yet to get a job. Argh.

Yesterday, I was initially excited as I made my way to Raffles place for a job interview. All the applications I've filled up so far were for administrative duties. Little did I expect that I had actually stepped into an MLM company yesterday, until I spoke with the manager and he started by asking me "So do you intend to start your own business?"

While I was pretty turned off and I wanted to walk right outta the place there and then, I decided that I would give myself a chance and listen to what they had to offer. Oh well. Throughout the presentation, I was filled with doubts here and there, but I didnt make the effort to clarify since I wasnt interested in the product in the first place. I was pretty impressed by the staff though. At a young age, most of them have been exposed to sales and marketing techniques. It shows, really.

MLM isnt such a bad thing as I may have made it sound here. It has its merits, but people like me are bound to fail miserably in this line. For privacy's sake, I shall not name the company.

Upon my exit, I immediately messaged my buddy AK to tell him that I chanced upon this MLM company. I asked him if he was interested, and his response shocked me. "No thanks, I hate MLM". Muahaha.

Seeing how beautiful the scenery was, I walked back from Raffles to City Hall, with music blasting in my ears as I partook in the beautiful sights. The sun was setting and it casted this orange glow across the horizon.

Mind you, there are still simple pleasures in life we can indulge in (like these) instead of working non stop and ending up in ICU.

Bumped into S.C, and old HQ buddy of mine at Citylink. Well, he's started his events management company, and he seems to be doing well now. I shared with him about my job search and he offered to take me in. I expressed my interest, but I'm still keeping the job searching process active.I REALLY hope it comes thru. God, I'm counting on You!

While waiting to have dinner with a mature and level headed fellow accomplice of mine,(muahaha) I managed to steal some time to talk with this guy who runs his own music shop selling instruments and equipments. I was glad to know what I've drawn up so far aint so ridiculously absurd that it deserves the trash can. While chatting, he shared with me about incidences that took place where musicians did not get along with their PA crew. What a pity. In my opinion, I'd love to work with musicians and I think its of paramount importance that this two teams understand each other.

I thank God that relationships in my church is not tested in such a manner and I pray that that will never be the case.

Wednesday...the day of "midweek crisis" indeed. I was still bothered by yesterday's events, and I sent out a few more resumes this morning. In church, I was glad I managed to help the admin staff with some of their paperwork.

One thing about my church is that its so close knit, and there's this lovely thing about it..The church is literally built on the Pastor's, the admin staff's and the members' hands. Everyone is precious, loved and recognised.

I'm also deeply touched by the fact that so many people (pastors, staff and those I know of) in church went out of their way to encourage me and uphold me in their prayers at this point of time. To all the folks of 20 Lorong Ah Soo, #03-05, I appreciate your concern and prayers!

I had the privilage of having lunch with the folks from the Chinese team. I usually shy away from them because of my language barrier(READ: I DONT REALLY JIANG HUA YU). Its hard for me to complete one proper sentence in Mandarin when I'm involved in profound discussions. Well, that was what I faced today. Throughout lunch, I stumbled with my command of Mandarin, and there were times I had to lapse into English to reply. Wahaha. It was certainly a really funny moment, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to get to know more people from the chinese side. They are a great bunch of folks indeed.

Coming back home, I had THREE calls from the agencies I sent my resumes to. If all goes well, there goes my unemployment blues. God..u hear this? Haha!

Chatted with my replacement Joshy online for sometime...I'm thankful for this wonderful godsend replacement..he's responsible and trustworthy. A rare find indeed, and I'm thankful for his friends who believe in him. :)

Before I pen off, some food for thought. Are we seekers of the truth, or do we let the truth seek us? Someone will be smiling when he sees this line.

Love ya all.

Beautiful Sunday

2006-02-19T21:30:00.000+08:00

This is Max, one of the cutest cats I've ever seen.

Worship: A lifestyle that transcends beyond your time spent in church on Sundays, trials, circumstances and moments of despair.

These were the words that struck me most while I sat and listened to the sermon today. It’s not something new that’s unheard of, but I wonder how many times I have actually existed as a beyond Sunday Christian and actually lived my life right and according to God’s standards.Friday’s cell group session was once more amazingly in full attendance. We had a great time having dinner at Sumo Bento before heading to my place for cell. In times like these, I’m like greatly touched by the presence of each and every loving individual of this spiritual family that I’m blessed with. Aww.. We went paperless for the first time, not with a hundred percent success, but then again, there’s a first time to everything!

At times, I wish I REALLY had the space to open up my place for cell group meetings all the way, and not be so restricted by timings (at least have a bigger room that fits my cell, haha).

Eugene, thanks for the nice card, the message and the encouragement!

As I chatted with Kelvin the night before, and with Teck Wee who came over to my house to rehearse, I’m so very reminded that there are plenty of things to focus and rejoice in other than being financially powerful and not having to worry about finances again.

Of course, these things should have never have taken priority in my life at all… but somehow along the way…Heh. Was very encouraged by what a sister (C.N) shared with me on Saturday. Somehow, my worries didn’t seem so big after all.

Following my previous entry, (where I prayed that I’d learn to take things easy)I thank God that I was supremely calm and collected during the preparations for cell and on this Sunday. I’ve learnt to be more relaxed and less tensed up when I have something upcoming, though I am still every bit the clean freak that I am .I hope this is a turning point for one of the strongholds in my life J

As I end off one of the shortest posts in my blog ever, I’m thankful.

P.S : Some of you couldnt comment previously, but I've laxed on the commentary restrictions.

30 days of self reflection

2006-02-16T11:13:00.000+08:00

The pictures here sets the tone for the 15th and 16th Feb. 15th Feb is the day I'd celebrate my first month of freedom at last :)

Wasnt in the mood for celebration of any sort when I woke up, though. My back was aching badly because of the number of falls I took while turning and tossing from the bed. It was 10am yesterday when I sent three resumes to various companies in the hope of getting employed real soon..:P

This Friday, I'm leading WS for cell, singing for WS on Sunday, and as I type this, I've yet to complete my BS homework. Heh. The business causes me joy in a way. As I prepare the powerpoints for my cell's worship (we're going paperless, as you can see in the screen), listen and learn the songs for this Sunday's session and even clean up my place later, I'm reminded of how God could use "insignificant" people like me for His works. Its pretty amazing and gratifying at the same time. For once, I'm learning to take it easy and enjoy myself as I'm working thru all this.

I've have had the company of two great folks in town yesterday. Seeing them wearing almost identically colored shirts and pants kinda tickles me. Its swell lunch, plus the "plus" of making one new friend. The cheeky side of me wants to wear a shirt of the same color this Sunday for humour's sake.

On another note, I need to remind myself to have a PLAN B for my future, as rightly brought up by Ad. Although I never believed in "putting all my eggs in one basket", I was really hard pressed to state my alternative direction. TY brudder.

At the most, I'd work towards my childhood goal: Family Law.

On a final note, I'm really over my period of despondancy bout that I suffered last week. I'm being more of myself this week. Praise God.

Lastly, this is a quote from the WEENISM of TW. It touched my heart alot, and reminded me of what truly matters and what does not. Enjoy.

true happiness is not:

1. having great material wealth
2. having a pretty girlfriend (with a volumptious figure) by your side in a posh yellow Lamboguni sport car
3. having a nice house by the seaside with full length drop down window facing the sea (plus a dog)
4.having a high paying job that people envy
5. having a nice appearance or a charismatic character
6. having great talents

True happiness is:
1. having peace in times of chaos
2. having assurance from the divine
3. having love to others and others unto you
4. knowing that it will be happy and victorious ending right from the start
5. knowing how to the enjoy the presence of the divine moment to moment of your existence

-- "The Lord gives; the Lord takes away, blessed is the name of the Lord"

My Prayer for today:

"Dear Lord, as you have blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life, empower me that I may be of a greater blessing to them."

Ciao.